ex partner says i need to pay half the costs of his travel to see the children?

sarahallan

i was hoping some one could give me some advice?
my ex partner is meant to see our children every fortnight for the weekend, he doesnt always turn up, last weekend he came to collect the children and told me that i wouldnt get them back unless i went to collect them from his house, he says that i should be paying half his travel costs to come and collect the children, he lives about 30 miles away and i dont have transport so would need to catch trains and buses to go and fetch them back,he is taking me court to prove this he says.. he doesnt pay maintance and never has , he doesnt work as he says a injury from years ago stops him, which i know to be a lie ... what can i do ?? please help.

heartbreak_star

Go to court.

HBS x

RAS

The basic rule is that non-resident parents are responsible for their own travel costs.

The other rule is that access and maintenance are seperate issues and if you mix them up in court you will get your hands slapped.

However if you both have parental responsibility and there is no order on place there is nothing to stop him taking the children and failing to return them.

You need to get your own court action in place and get a contact order that expressly states that if he fails to return the children, you can call the police.

Otherwise, regardless of the rules and regardless of any law, in practice he can just fail to return them.

EDIT: Just to add that this is a very sore point on here and you are more than likely to be told by some people that morally you should take on half the responsibility of the access travel costs. As a good PWC you should be ensuring the children maintain contact with the NRP, they argue.

There is an issue with parents moving children hundreds of miles to delibarately make it difficult for the NRP to maintain contact which is another matter.

sarahallan

i have never wanted to stop the children seeing there father, but on the other hand money is stretched as it is, providing a home, clothes , food etc.. for them to see there father what should i make them go with out?? food or warmth? my intention is never to upset any one but its seems like i am getting the ruff end of the deal?

jen007

Hi Sarah

Guys you may remember a thread I posted which was seeking advice for OP. I was getting story via my OH so some details are slightly different.

Apologies for that information. Sarah, I think R maybe told you my views on this already, but I'd suggest the legal route. I don't know if you guys would qualify for legal aid because of A's salary but another member could tell you what you may need to qualify for it.
Much love. x

DS4215

How does he pick the children up now? If he has his own transport, could you offer to pay him some money towards the petrol costs? - it would be cheaper for you to pay him £5-10 say than take public transport for the journey....

You should also make a claim to the CSA for him to pay towards the kids. Even if it is only £5/month when he starts work you can get more. If he is genuinely lying about his injury stopping him from working then you could report him anonymously but they might be consequences later if he thinks you are involved in it....

RAS

jen007 wrote: »

Guys you may remember a thread I posted which was seeking advice for OP. I was getting story via my OH so some details are slightly different.

Apologies for that information. Sarah, I think R maybe told you my views on this already, but I'd suggest the legal route. I don't know if you guys would qualify for legal aid because of A's salary but another member could tell you what you may need to qualify for it.
Much love. x

Is this the thread you started? https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4185097

jen007

RAS wrote: »

Is this the thread you started? https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4185097

No, that's my own NRP issue.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4203653
This one. As I said I got the info' via my OH so it may be slightly different to what OP says, but generally the same thing

janninew

Hi OP,

I have a couple of friends in your situation and I know that the NRP picks the children up for the weekend and the PWC collects them and takes them back home. Seems like a fair solution, especially as in all their cases it was the PWC who moved the children away from the place where they all used to live together.

Also if your ex is on benefits I'm sure he should be paying you a token amount of maintenance (I think its £5.00) so look into that. Not much, but it all helps.

Good luck.

sarahallan

i have lived in the same house for 6 years, the ex has moved many times since the split 5 yrs ago. many times he has taken the children and made me go to collect them with only a morning notice, once i had to travel 95 miles to collect them at my cost.. as i said money is tight and as he doesnt contribute towards the childrens up keep i think its very unfair for me to have to borrow money from friends for travel costs only to scrimp and save to pay them back

daska

Is there a Contact Order? If so it will stipulate who will bear the cost of transport if it's not the NRP.

Having said that, obviously, if you go to collect the children then you will need to bear the cost (unless there is an order that the NRP will reimburse you).

It is very unusual for the Court to order that the parent the child lives with pays for the other parent's travel costs. I know this because we were ordered to during the residency/contact case. In our case it was a 200 mile round trip and DSD's mother was on benefits. So at times we were doing that trip twice every other weekend and paying for public transport/hotel for her mother to visit her on the intervening weekends. As soon as the residency order was made in our favour we stopped having to pay.

If he has seen a solicitor I suspect the maximum he's been told is "well, we can try". Personally I would stop worrying (easier said than done, I know). I would have expect a letter from the solicitor before it got to Court. It may be that he's played up the injury as an excuse for not travelling, but if he can travel to pick them up then obviously that is evidence that the injury isn't a good enough reason to not travel. Also, asking you to bear half the cost doesn't argue that he can't travel.

But RAS has a good point, if you don't go to collect then he isn't breaking any laws if he doesn't return them. So it might be worth taking action on your own behalf to formalise contact. The family courts really aren't big and scary, they are often no more than biggish rooms with tables - no dock etc. You don't need a solicitor with you in court (though I would suggest consulting one to know what the normal expectations might be in terms of contact etc. e.g. alternate weekends/ easter/ xmas and x number of weeks in the summer.) You can ask that, as he has threatened to not return them, the Order make it clear who is responsible for what.

N.B. If he doesn't return them when agreed then he should take them to school on the Monday morning. If he didn't you could use that to demonstrate that a court order is necessary as he isn't acting in the children's best interests. After all, he isn't working and he isn't incapable of travelling.

I would suggest going back to the CSA - I thought there was a minimum of £5/week unless the NRP applied for a variation.