Please someone help me with a familiy gambling problem...

gvw121

I don't know if I'm posting in the right section and I apologise if I've done it in the wrong section of the forum.

My younger brother has got a gambling problem, and its destroying our family. At the moment I really feel like I'm at breaking point, I'm not working myself and I'm trying so hard to find a job but my younger brother is gambling like mad. I literally feel at breaking point and I get so aggressive when I do, can please somebody tell me how to apply some sort of gambling block on the computer which stops gambling sites and software running. My Mother was crying to me today after seeing his bank statement and I tried to bring this to her attention but she ignored it before. I think shes now realised that this problem is way more serious then it actually is. Everyday my little brother is going on poker sites, and going to bookies placing bets on the football and horses and he is wasting his life away. He's 22 and I want the best for him but he doesn't realise how much damage he's doing.

This is placing a huge stress on me and I'm sure people who are going through this know for a fact that gambling is a horrible addiction. This is a desperate cry for help and I really mean it! Please help me :mad:

tenbob84

hi, i work in the high street bookies and we deal with a lot of people in a similar situation. from past experience the first hurdle to clear is to get him to admit he has a problem and want to change/stop it.

the self exclusion process is there, by law everywhere you can gamble, in the bingo, in the bookies and online. but it is only as effective as the will of the person using it.

i have been a keen punter myself in the past and i am currently barred from betfair by my own will and it is saving me a fortune but only myself could decide it was time to pack in, you cannot force him and press the buttons for him, this only ends in a mass fallout.

talk to him and ask him to try self exclusion, the fact he shows you his bank statements is a sign he is concerned. most self exclusions are for 6 months so suggesting he tries this will be a good starting point

warwicktiger

You cannot help him until he acknowledges he has a problem, sorry. Shouting or talking AT him will simply deepen the wedge between you. If you block one route to gamble he will find another, gamblers who have not seen the light will deceive in every way to conceal and continue their habit.

Don't ask me how I know or I will tell you. Talk to him, try and find out why, he gambles and what he hopes to achieve. Seemingly never ending patience will be required. It is up to him to have the lightbulb moment.

Sorry, I know that none of this is what you hoped or wanted to hear, their is no magic pill.

gvw121

My mum didn't show him the statement she went through his mail. I don't want to get physical with him, thats the last thing I want to do but its getting to the point that I just want to straighten him out. He has come to me before and cried to me I told him lets go to all the bookies and get yourself barred from them, but he didn't want to then I just left it. But now I just want to put this matter to rest today I'm going to force him even if he doesn't want to. You got to be cruel to be kind I guess...

Heffi1

The only way he will stop gambling is if he wants to, he will lie and cheat to get his daily fix, think of it like a drug addiction, he doesn't want to be doing it, but he has to, to stop the nagging feeling deep inside himself that at this stage he cannot control.

He will think of a million excuses why he cannot exclude himself from the bookies, and you would need to be with him 24/7 to make sure he kept his word. He could turn nasty and hurt you in order to make you back off.

He could intimidate your mum to give him cash so he can place a bet, and then feel awful for doing it later.

He has to do it himself, but you also have to take a stand and tell him that the well is dry. He will get no more money from you and your mum has to tell him the same as well - AND MEAN IT

Prepare for temper tantrums and hissy fits, name calling etc.

If you ready for that then I want to wish you luck and lots of patience.

DS4215

Even if you get him to exclude himself from the local and online bookies he can still gamble if he wants to. He could use the casino, racetrack or poker sites. Putting software like K2 or similar on your computer will stop that route, but he could then use his phone, etc.

Contact Gamblers Anonymous or look at their website for information, but like the others have said its down to him and only him.

downsizer3

Firstly - you can get help yourself from gambling support groups and they'll give you great advice and also more understanding about the addiction.
Getting angry and frustrated will not help - believe me, I know how maddening it is to watch someone do this to themselves but you have to stay calm, get some help in trying to guide him towards an acceptance of his problem.
Without that you'll get nowhere - google gambling support and get on to them quick. Its not just for gamblers but for their families too.

Treadmill

Really sorry to hear what you are going through, Gambling is a horrible addiction http://www.gamcare.org.uk/ is a good place o seek support, for gamblers and their families.

Itsgottabedone

Sorry to hear you're having such a tough situation to deal with. Most of the above posts seem to offer sensible advice. One more thing - and I know it'll sound really harsh - ensure that he does not have access to your credit/debit cards (or those belonging to your mum or other family members). As mentioned above, when the addiction really has a grip the sufferer can stoop very low.

Christi

As others have said, getting physical or forcing someone to stop won't help. It will only make you brother more deceptive - the only way that he will stop is if he wants to himself.

My parther is a compulsive gambler and also a compulsive liar which the gambling has brought out in him. He has gambled all his life although since we have been together he did stop for 6 months before going back to it. For me it is the desire to stop that makes me stay with him and also that I cannot kick him out when he is destitute. It is hard to unlove someone and when they are in your family as they are with you then this will be even worse.

By excluding your brother from the bookies without him wanting to stop you will force him to take more drastic measures. He will travel to a bookies that doesn't exclude him, for example. My OH has driven to service stations miles away in the middle of the night when the urge took him because the bookies were shut. While you or I may think is ridiculous it becomes necessary if you are in the grip of a compulsion.

Talk to your brother but stay calm. Confront your brother with evidence and ask him if he is aware of the extent of his gambling. My OH was unaware of the scale of it as he always thought he could win it all back and more until he had his lightbulb moment.

Gamcare is heavily promoted by the gambling industry however they do advocate cutting down on your gambling or making it controlled. It is my opinion that a compulsive gambler cannot be a controlled gambler in the same way that an alcoholic cannot have 1 drink. I would therefore recommend gamblers anonymous over gamcare however it depends if you are near any meetings should your brother wish to stop gambling and start doing something about it.

Good luck.

simonp96

I am a compulsive gambler myself and spent the last 20 years gambling. I had that 'lightbulb' moment six months ago when i was confronted by my girlfriend. I got myself to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting that week and have attended one every week since and have been gambling free. Others have suggested other alternatives but in my opinion i dont think gamcare can work for a compulsive gambler. I have to face facts that i can never gamble again in my life no matter how small the stakes are. The gambler themselves need to want to get help and get themselves sorted. They will be told lots of things that they don't want to hear and in some ways the best way to be treated is like a kid again. Block any possible routes to gambling but mostly give over control of his funds to someone else. If they dont have access to money they can't bet. Get him to a meeting. Speak to someone on the GA helpline.
Good luck.
Things wont be easy but if the gambler wants to get help and get better they will quickly see results with some hard work. I've still a long way to go but already after six months my life has improved a lot.

I wish you all the best