Don't know what to do... lying/cheating??

marisco_2

PurpleRain wrote: »

I don't have any one in real life I can talk to, only him.... & if, for whatever reason, he's not talking to me, then I have nobody to talk to.

I dont want to scare you but feel it would be irresponsible not to point this out. Being completely isolated and solely reliant on someone can be the first signs that their may be abuse within a relationship. If you had people to turn to irl, to speak things through with then your partner could not do all that he is and get away with it. People would notice if you were upset or hadn't been outside for ages. They would ask if you were okay.

You are being emotionally abused. Abuse always escalates. It is quite common for it to start on an emotional level and lead on to physical abuse.

This guy you are with seems very unstable to me. No normal person needs to padlock a room and effectively barr their partner from seeing what is going on. I would not be surprised if there were things being viewed on that computer that are illegal and would horify you.

I am sorry to be so blunt and dont doubt how hard it must be to take in all of the really good advice given on this thread. I am thinking of you and hoping you are okay.

PurpleRain_2

Thanks for the replies everyone, I really appreciate each & every one of them

I have 1 dog & lots of cats (am a crazy cat lady). Thank you for the suggestions on dealing with a panic attack head on. I used to use distraction techniques, but my mind would always wander back, so what I do now is I count backwards in 2s - eg 100, 98, 96, 94. I also remind myself that 'it's just a panic attack, I've had them before, & nobody ever died from having one'.

I love reading, so will educate myself more. I love all the Louise Hay stuff & have been reading her back story & watching her videos on YouTube. She has been through so much & came out the other end.

Yes, you're right. I need to love myself before I can expect anybody else to love me. I need to switch the focus from him back onto me & concentrate on getting myself well & strong.

I really want to work with animals in the future & I look forward to doing things that I cannot do now, simple pleasures like walking my dog, going for a bike ride, etc. It's funny the things you take for granted when you are used to seeing/doing them all the time. Thank you, ineed, for posting the nopanic link, I will have a look at that now.

Thanks again for the support. You're the best :grouphug:

Caroline_a

Ok I'm going to be quite tough now. Firstly, who walks your dog? and who sees to your cats (and dog) when they need vet/vaccinations/flea and worm treatment? Who buys their food? I'm sorry, I find it quite difficult to understand that you have animals, yet don't seem to be able to cross the threshold of your front door.

I've been through a period in my life when I had panic attacks. To be honest I thought I was going crackers, so I just fought it. To this day I think that had I given in I would have been housebound forever. So... it's your life and we only get one of those. You have animals that you appear to want to care for, so what are you going to do about it? You mention working with animals - it's damn hard work, dirty and very low paid. Lots of youngsters go into it thinking it will be fun, but the reality is that most of them drop out. How do I know? Because I used to train people who worked with animals and we used to lose around 80% in the first month.

What did you do for work before you moved in with this man? what are you experienced in/qualified in? How will you support yourself if you live alone? All questions that will build where and how you need to move your life along and start supporting yourself and your animals.

pearl123

Caroline_a wrote: »

Ok I'm going to be quite tough now. Firstly, who walks your dog? and who sees to your cats (and dog) when they need vet/vaccinations/flea and worm treatment? Who buys their food? I'm sorry, I find it quite difficult to understand that you have animals, yet don't seem to be able to cross the threshold of your front door. QUOTE]

There are alot of unanswered questions. OP post with the mention of the paddlock is certainly rather unusual/ dreadful.

For instance, has you husband/ partner suggested you get help for your problem?
He must be enabling you to live like this! Why is that?
What would happened to you if he left?

PurpleRain_2

Caroline_a wrote: »

Ok I'm going to be quite tough now. Firstly, who walks your dog? and who sees to your cats (and dog) when they need vet/vaccinations/flea and worm treatment? Who buys their food? I'm sorry, I find it quite difficult to understand that you have animals, yet don't seem to be able to cross the threshold of your front door.

I've been through a period in my life when I had panic attacks. To be honest I thought I was going crackers, so I just fought it. To this day I think that had I given in I would have been housebound forever. So... it's your life and we only get one of those. You have animals that you appear to want to care for, so what are you going to do about it? You mention working with animals - it's damn hard work, dirty and very low paid. Lots of youngsters go into it thinking it will be fun, but the reality is that most of them drop out. How do I know? Because I used to train people who worked with animals and we used to lose around 80% in the first month.

What did you do for work before you moved in with this man? what are you experienced in/qualified in? How will you support yourself if you live alone? All questions that will build where and how you need to move your life along and start supporting yourself and your animals.

If I'm honest, I find your response quite rude & patronising (& I'm not sure what you're implying??). My animals are well cared for. They mean the world to me. All their food (along with mine) is bought online (as are their flea/wormer treatments/toys/bedding/cat litter, etc). All my shopping is done online (clothes, food, books, bits & bobs, etc). He takes the dog for a walk & takes them to the vets when needed. I don't 'appear to want to care for my animals', I DO care for them.

When I was younger, I did work experience at a vets. I have rescued animals over the years, &, more recently, I have been helping save/network death row animals in the states. It's something I enjoy doing. In the future, I'd like to work (either paid or voluntary) with an animal rescue. I'd rather have a job that I enjoyed that paid a low wage, than a highly-paid job that I didn't enjoy. The work I do now (typing, researching, etc) pays below the minimum wage, but I enjoy it.

C_Mababejive

OMG..I'm male, usually pretty thick skinned but just reading the first bit of your story made me feel sick and my skin crawl. Pack your bags and flee...ASAP. This man is sick in the head.

pearl123

Here are some items on the mind.org site regarding agoraphobia. You may find the interesting. I do hope you follow some of the suggestions that have been put forward by posters. Best Wishes.
http://www.mind.org.uk/search?q=agoraphobia&x=1&y=2

PurpleRain_2

pearl123 wrote: »

Here are some items on the mind.org site regarding agoraphobia. You may find the interesting. I do hope you follow some of the suggestions that have been put forward by posters. Best Wishes. /QUOTE]

Thank you for the link, Pearl123. I'm reading it now & finding it very helpful. I didn't realise you could do CBT over the phone. I think if I can just push through the fear of talking on the phone, this could be the first step for me. I like hearing other people's stories (& I can relate to the "what if" worry mentioned in one of them), so thanks again for the link

Sambucus_Nigra

Did you call anyone today?

C_Mababejive

PurpleRain wrote: »

pearl123 wrote: »

Here are some items on the mind.org site regarding agoraphobia. You may find the interesting. I do hope you follow some of the suggestions that have been put forward by posters. Best Wishes. /QUOTE]

Thank you for the link, Pearl123. I'm reading it now & finding it very helpful. I didn't realise you could do CBT over the phone. I think if I can just push through the fear of talking on the phone, this could be the first step for me. I like hearing other people's stories (& I can relate to the "what if" worry mentioned in one of them), so thanks again for the link

May i recommend an excellent easy read book?

Brilliant CBT by Dr stephen briars

google