Don't know what to do... lying/cheating??

PurpleRain_2

Comyface wrote: »

Do you have any friends who can help you?

This man doesn't sound like a friend/partner. It doesn't sound like he trusts you at all and like he's definately hiding something.

I don't have any friends/family I can turn to I've been with this man since I was a teenager & this is my first long-term relationship. He's much older than me. He never liked me going out with people after work, etc, as he thought I'd cheat on him because he has been cheated on in the past. Reading all this back sounds so pathetic, doesn't it? I wish I was strong & confident & didn't have anxiety & have to rely on somebody else

I don't even think it's the fact that he could be seeing our landlord that bothers me, it's more that (if they are) they are laughing at me behind my back & that makes me feel like an idiot. It's all the lies & secrets. It's like when you go to a party & 2 people are in on the joke but the other one isn't.... if you get what I mean. Also, the fact that our landlord would have the nerve to text him what he did knowing that he is living with someone. But then I think, you don't just randomly text someone that. He could have texted anybody, why did he text him. It just doesn't make any sense.

BitterAndTwisted

PLEASE stop focussing on what his behaviour means or whether the things he says are true or not. What is important is how this makes you feel and what you need to do about it.

He's using totally vile behaviour to undermine your confidence and well-being and you need help to extricate yourself from his control. See your GP to see what help may be available to you and get in touch with Women's Aid. Quickly

balletshoes

PurpleRain wrote: »

I don't have any friends/family I can turn to
I've been with this man since I was a teenager & this is my first long-term relationship. He's much older than me. He never liked me going out with people after work, etc, as he thought I'd cheat on him because he has been cheated on in the past. Reading all this back sounds so pathetic, doesn't it? I wish I was strong & confident & didn't have anxiety & have to rely on somebody else

Do you mean you actually have no family or friends still living, or do you mean you'd feel ashamed/embarrassed asking them for help? If its the latter, please please please get on the phone to one of them and ask if you can stay with them, even if its only for one or 2 nights. This man is mucking up your health and your life, and if you were my daughter/friend/sister/cousin/2nd cousin/cousin's cat (you get the picture ) I'd help you out as soon as I knew the circumstances.

PurpleRain_2

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

PLEASE stop focussing on what his behaviour means or whether the things he says are true or not. What is important is how this makes you feel and what you need to do about it.

He's using totally vile behaviour to undermine your confidence and well-being and you need help to extricate yourself from his control. See your GP to see what help may be available to you and get in touch with Women's Aid. Quickly

Thank you for your post (& thank you to everyone else who has posted). I'm in tears right now because you've opened my eyes & I'm starting to realise that I can't live this way any more. I do need to stop focusing on him & his behaviour & more on myself & getting well.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

For heavens sake - at the risk of sounding like a drama plot - the guy could be seriously ill and have a room like the average TV serial killer - but you just get worried in case someone has mistakenly thought he's gay?



See your GP and get out. It's a damn sight safer than breaking into his room or installing keylogging software and risking being a minor news story when he finds out what you're planning.

PurpleRain_2

balletshoes wrote: »

Do you mean you actually have no family or friends still living, or do you mean you'd feel ashamed/embarrassed asking them for help? If its the latter, please please please get on the phone to one of them and ask if you can stay with them, even if its only for one or 2 nights. This man is mucking up your health and your life, and if you were my daughter/friend/sister/cousin/2nd cousin/cousin's cat (you get the picture ) I'd help you out as soon as I knew the circumstances.

I don't have any friends. My best friend died about 8 years ago now. I've worked from home for the past 7-8 years, so don't have any work colleagues to socialise with. As for family, my dad walked out when I was a kid & my mum has her own problems & put me down, said horrible things, & threw me out all the time when I lived with her in the past. She's not your 'typical' mum (not affectionate, has never hugged me or told me she loves me, not interested in hearing about my problems, life, etc). I couldn't wait to leave home when I was younger.

balletshoes

PurpleRain wrote: »

I don't have any friends. My best friend died about 8 years ago now. I've worked from home for the past 7-8 years, so don't have any work colleagues to socialise with. As for family, my dad walked out when I was a kid & my mum has her own problems & put me down, said horrible things, & threw me out all the time when I lived with her in the past. She's not your 'typical' mum (not affectionate, has never hugged me or told me she loves me, not interested in hearing about my problems, life, etc). I couldn't wait to leave home when I was younger.

I'm really sorry to hear that - no siblings, cousins? Grandparents? If you have no-one at all - contact Womens Aid, now.

PurpleRain_2

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

For heavens sake - at the risk of sounding like a drama plot - the guy could be seriously ill and have a room like the average TV serial killer - but you just get worried in case someone has mistakenly thought he's gay?



See your GP and get out. It's a damn sight safer than breaking into his room or installing keylogging software and risking being a minor news story when he finds out what you're planning.

I've been in his room when he's present, eg to use the printer, etc.... the room looks normal, so it's probably stuff on the PC that he doesn't want me seeing. He can be nice & does do a lot for me (as I can't), it's just the lies & secrets that I can't bear.

PurpleRain_2

balletshoes wrote: »

I'm really sorry to hear that - no siblings, cousins? Grandparents? If you have no-one at all - contact Womens Aid, now.

My grandparents (who are the nicest people in the world) are now in sheltered housing & my nan has dementia. My sister has a mouth on her & if she's not arguing with someone, she's slagging them off. I don't speak to her any more. She's also stolen from me in the past. I will look at getting in touch with Women's Aid & my GP, though Thank you

balletshoes

PurpleRain wrote: »

I've been in his room when he's present, eg to use the printer, etc.... the room looks normal, so it's probably stuff on the PC that he doesn't want me seeing.
He can be nice & does do a lot for me (as I can't), it's just the lies & secrets that I can't bear.

he may be nice sometimes, but he's also a controlling nutter - get away from him, as quickly and safely as you can.