Don't know what to do... lying/cheating??

PurpleRain_2

Hi,

Sorry, I've had to set up a new username in case my OH logs onto MSE....

We've been living together for about 15 years now (not married, no kids). We've had our problems in the past, but are trying to work through them. I've become dependent on him more recently because I suffer from panic attacks/low self-esteem. We sleep in separate rooms & have separate computers. Now, his room is padlocked permanently (even padlocks it if he nips downstairs for something) & his phone is always on him.

Last year (before the padlock), I caught him looking at mistress websites (the kind you go & visit) & photos of shemales. He's even joked in the past 'do you think I could be gay/bisexual?', which I thought was odd. More recently, I have discovered (well, I kinda forced it out of him), that 2 gay men have hit on him. One is a neighbour & the other is our landlord!! Last month (early hours of the morning), I heard his phone beep & he told me only last week that our landlord (who is about 20 years younger than him) sent him a text basically asking if he was up for some. I quizzed him more & asked him what exactly the text had said, but he just said 'what do you think it said... you know'. I asked him if he had text back, but he said he had just deleted the text because our landlord was probably drunk. He has since told me that he has text a few more times in the afternoon (&, again, seemed drunk). Why would 2 gay men hit on a 'straight' man?? I even asked him if he had said/done something to give them the wrong impression, etc. I also find it odd that he didn't text back along the lines of 'stop sending me inappropriate messages, I am not interested, I have a girlfriend'. I feel like a complete mug now. I feel like they are up to something behind my back & having the last laugh. If I had seen the message myself, I would have text him back, but now I'm wondering what really is going on? Have they been emailing each other in secret (padlocked room), meeting up, etc? I've never met/spoken to the landlord, he deals with it all. I've thought about installing a keylogger on my PC but I don't know how I'd get him to use my PC & log into his email account. I just hate feeling like this. I can't sleep at night because I'm in tears thinking about all this. I'd just rather know the truth so I can get on with my life.

I can't ask him outright because he has a history of lying (big lies, not little white ones). I checked his Facebook account the other night & last year he posted how he was looking forward to going to a certain event with his 2-year-old daughter & meeting a certain celebrity. He later posted how nice it was to meet them & the long queues were worth it... He doesn't even have a daughter & I know for a fact he never went to this event :eek: He is a complete fantasist! He's also posted that he's camped out & queued 36 hours for Wimbledon tickets....he's never even been to Wimbledon. I'm starting to wonder whether I truly know this man at all!!

Please advise me on what I should do.

Sorry for the lengthy post.

balletshoes

you know what - I haven't even read further than "he has a padlock on his room door and he locks it even when he goes downstairs" What? Why?

thehappybutterfly

Good god! Move out and as far away from this weirdo as possible. And by the way, he doesn't have a girlfriend - he has a flatmate.

nearlyrich

I know you said you suffer from low self esteem and no wonder, if you have any self esteem at all you would sort out a separation and stop wasting your life with a guy who feels the need to padlock his room.

What do you get out of this "relationship"?

RainbowDreamer

It sounds like you have no trust. And with no trust you have no relationship.

Why do you sleep in seperate beds? Why does he lock the door where his computer is?

Tbh if I had a partner who had all his things in a room which he padlocked and a phone which never left his side... I would not continue that relationship because I would feel he was up to no good.

And if he lies quite often.. then you may never know the truth.

What would happen if you were to ask him for the key to the padlock? Or if once he is in there you took the padlock off and didnt give it him back? (Not recommending it as I do not know how he would react, just curious).

PurpleRain_2

Thank you. I'd love to move out but right now I wouldn't be able to cope by myself. My self-esteem is rock bottom & I have anxiety. I have panic attacks when I go out by myself, & hate that I have become dependent on him.

I asked him about the padlock a while back & his response was 'I don't want you snooping around in my room, touching my stuff'. Why would it bother him if he had nothing to hide? My door is always open & my PC is always on... I have nothing to hide.

BitterAndTwisted

Do you have any idea how bizarre this whole situation sounds to an outsider? You live together like brother and sister (apart from the padlocked bedroom stuff) and you're asking about how you deal with his private life? His private life is nothing to do with you any longer if it ever was.

What should you do? Get the hell out of there, pronto!

Sagz_2

You live with someone that padlocks a rooms against you?
And you call him your Other Half?

Please open your eyes, have some self worth, and move on with your life.

Comyface

Do you have any friends who can help you?

This man doesn't sound like a friend/partner. It doesn't sound like he trusts you at all and like he's definately hiding something.

BitterAndTwisted

Sounds to me like he's not hiding enough! Why would someone be so cruel as to taunt their "partner" with all that unnecessary detail other than to wound and undermine?

There are two people in that household who are not enjoying the best of mental-health.

SailorSam

If your frightened of what may happen, could you try contacting Womens Aid, see if they can help.
Life want get any better while you stay.