Want to quit but cant-feeling trapped and need help

ferry

Well,I feel my life really has taken a downward spiral.
I was made redundant end of May but was lucky enough to find another job fairly quickly.
Ths new role involves shift patterns all over the place even though its an office role and a few weeks in its becoming clear that its upsetting my family life.
I tend to feel tired all the time because of all the patterns
Our sons have to miss after school clubs,football training sessions etc as I need to use the only car in the household to get to work.
I feel I rarely see my family most days.
The money is so bad that it barely covers everything after my petrol costs come off as it is a 70 mile daily trip and to top it all off I'm really struggling to keep up with the workloads.I'm on a probationary period and I really dont think my contract will be renewed.
I've never had these issues before and its really making me depressed-I even thought of calling the Samaritans today.I often feel that I'm the only one out of all our circle of family and friends to have these issues.
My wife is really great and understanding but we both know we cant survivie on just her money until I find something else so I'm trying to keep going for my family but I just cant cope with the feeling of going onto that place each day,evening or night.
I wish I could just quit -have contacted a few agencies and am actively looking but all a slow process as I'm sure you all know.
Where do I start with trying to break this horrible cycle?

Sorry for the rant and hope this is in the right place to be able get some advice which I really appreciate
Ferry x

Racheldevon

Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling so low - please do call the samaritans for some support if you need to it's a 24/7 service.

It must be really difficult to turn up each day feeling the way that you do. You can't account for whether or not your contract will extend beyond the probationary period, but in my experience generally you would be informed of this before the period is up and it would be made clear what the expectations were in terms of improvements/changes to give you a chance to put these into place rather than just terminating your employment.

I'm sure you're not the only one of your circle to experience this - it's one of those things that people often don't own up to openly in front of family & friends.

Is there a way your children can pair up with their friends to be given lifts home etc when you're not able to pick them up yourself? Could they go to a friends for tea, and perhaps your family can reciprocate when shifts allow for it?

Do you have a car share scheme you can join - I know quite a few local authorities run this via their website, so it might be worth googling to see if you can pair up with someone going in roughly the same direction to save on petrol?

Finally, are you being pro-active in searching for something else? For example, have you subscribed to the various job mailing lists like your local council, local authority, various charities all promote jobs via their own recruitment sites generally, things like Guardian jobs, universities etc? I'm not sure what sector you work in currently, and where you hope to work?

If you've got a child under 5, you may also be able to get some support via your local sure start children's centre, so this might apply.

WoodyMax

I feel for you. I think perhaps it would be a good idea to visit your doctor and explain how you are feeling. It may be that s/he will determine that you have depression and perhaps suggest a course of treatment. At least that may help in the short term, long enough for you to get yourself another job.

The Samaritans are a good port of call in a storm. One doesn't have to feel suicidal to call them, many people call them just to talk things through and that can be very useful.


I hope things improve for you soon Ferry.

dancingfairy

If your job is not really earning anything after paying for petrol is it really worth it? especially if it is upsetting your sons routine as well with school clubs. If you were at home you would save on petrol quite substantially, plus maybe you could take on the job of shopping and batch cooking and see if you could save money by making things? I would have a look at the finances and see if there is much difference.
Also investigate whether you would be entitled to JSA? You may find you are sanctioned for a while if you voluntarily quit but if you are near the end of your probabtionary period and fail then you may be elgible for JSA? You may also be eligible for other benefits - housing benefit, council tax benefit etc. Maybe try the benefit checker and see what you are entitled to?
Can you wife do any overtime at all?
DO you rent or is a mortgage? can you take a short mortgage holiday or a holiday from any loans you may have?
Failing all that can take some annual leave from your job to try and give you a few days break to try and get your head around things?
Best of Luck
df

irinaE

I couldn't just read and go. hope you are ok, and more positive. Chin up please, and I am sure will turn out well in the end. If we don't go thru things, we don't appreciate what we have . Things like this can make family stronger, and nothing to feel bad because your wife works and earns more. Imagine will be vice versa , no? Look to all options you have, and maybe you get a job out of your field of work? Try things, and hope you are good good luck!

falko89

Oh this thread strikes a cord with me as some of you will know from my bullying post, I got diagnosed with depression and anxiety caused by my job and also can't get out so I know all about being trapped. Can't leave as wouldn't be entitled to JSA, can't get another job and its not for the want of trying, can't offer any advice sorry, your not alone in this although it feels like it.

Sambucus_Nigra

dancingfairy wrote: »

If your job is not really earning anything after paying for petrol is it really worth it?

This ^

In all honesty, how much a month does it bring in once you take out tax, NI and petrol money? Can you get that income elsewhere at all?

ferry

Apologies for the late reply all...and thanks for the advice.

I really dont think I have a choice but to leave becuase of all the reasons I state above.

Thinking if going to my GP to see if he will grant me some time off -at least that way I can get my head around things and look for a more 'suitable' job

shmeeko69

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Your health and family are more important than any job.

If you feel that this job is taking you down a dark hole then, I would either look for a job in your spare hours or think about leaving on the grounds of constructive dismissal before you feel any lower.

No job is worth damaging your mental health and I've seen the effects of this for a few extra quid - Never worth it!

# Take the necessary action at the earliest opportunity. #

falko89

ferry wrote: »

Apologies for the late reply all...and thanks for the advice.

I really dont think I have a choice but to leave becuase of all the reasons I state above.

Thinking if going to my GP to see if he will grant me some time off -at least that way I can get my head around things and look for a more 'suitable' job

If he's anything like mine you have no hope.