Do I need a top table?

Skintski

Please help, my partner and I get married next November and we're both very shy people. Because of this we didn't want a sit down meal, no speeches etc and instead decided to have a late afternoon ceremony followed by an after party at a local hotel which will be a simple case of bar, disco and buffet.

My MIL to be keeps going on about a top table but since its an informal party I don't see why I need one. I'm not even expecting the chance to sit down all evening and I know my family would rather be up and mixing with friends.

I just wondered if I was missing something?

katie1812

When I went to my uncle's wedding last year, they had an informal buffet as their meal. You could eat when you wanted and sit where you wanted - inside or outside - they had no set tables or anything and it did work very well.

It is your wedding and everyone likes and wants different things so it's up to you it's good to have variety, it's what makes the world go round!!

Skintski

Thank you and good luck for your big day this weekend.

minerva_windsong

No, you don't 'need' a top table if you don't want to have one - it's your wedding and therefore you should do what you want. If you want an alternative it might be worth considering having each set of parents 'host' a table, or just having a 'sweetheart table' for you and OH and then everyone else sits where they like, or move round between courses (for example if you're having a savoury buffet and then desserts/sweet buffet/wedding cake etc).

katie1812 wrote: »

When I went to my uncle's wedding last year, they had an informal buffet as their meal. You could eat when you wanted and sit where you wanted - inside or outside - they had no set tables or anything and it did work very well.

OH's sister did this for her wedding and it was great, and we're hoping to use it for ours - partly because there are some dodgy family relations and the politics of a table plan would be a nightmare, and partly because we want to keep the wedding as relaxed as possible.

Roz_V

The only advice I will give if you're not having a table plan, is make sure that there is LOADS of seating as not every table will be filled - there'll be odd places here and there, and you don't want the person who was last to the buffet having to sit on the only seat left available with people they don't know.

We're having allocated tables, but not allocated seats. We weren't originally going to but changed our mind about 3 weeks ago :rotfl: And we're not having a "top table" - OH and I will be sitting on a "normal" table (i.e. no different to any of the others) with some of our friends

74jax

We are getting married at 4 and having an evening party with a hot buffet served at around 8. Seating is wherever anyone wants to sit. So no top table for us.

You don't 'need' anything you don't want. I'd tell MIL you're not having one, state your reasons and then if she mentions it again suggest she goes tot he doctors as she's developing memory loss problems.

JimmyTheWig

If you're not having a sit-down meal then you _can't_ have a top table.
If you are having a sit-down meal then it is up to you.

Skintski

Thanks all, we are definitely not having a sit down meal. We don't get married until 4pm anyway and we have an afternoon tea for the few who are coming to the ceremony (and I do mean few, immediate family only) and then onto the party afterwards with buffet food so we have no intention of having any kind of seating plan as I'd rather people just relaxed and sat with who they wanted to. It's just a shame that the MIL can't seem to get her head around it.

74jax - I chuckled hard over the memory loss comment. I don't want to be too harsh on her as she lost her husband last year and the wedding seems to have given her something to look forward to. It's just that some of the suggestions seem a bit odd!

yimmie

I would imagine she just wants to show off that she is on the top table, I would keep be really vague saying "we don't know, probably, maybe, we haven't decided, it depends on the numbers, etc etc"

stir_crazy

yimmie wrote: »

I would imagine she just wants to show off that she is on the top table, I would keep be really vague saying "we don't know, probably, maybe, we haven't decided, it depends on the numbers, etc etc"

I would just tell your MIL2B and give her your reasons. There's no point in holding off telling her. She'll find out on the day anyway and at least if she knows in advance there's no chance of a potential strop (thinking of my MIL2B here too!).

mummyroysof3

we had a similar wedding and had no top table..was not impressed that mil decided to alocate us a table and decorate it though..i made a point of not sitting there as much as possible..i had no seating plan so people could mingle