Child support for child with autism

asgoodasitgets

Good afternoon everyone, this is my first post, so please be gentle with me! :j
I hope someone can help me or give me some advice.
My ex wife and I had two children now 24 and 21.

She left 10 years ago to live in Scotland and remarried quickly to her third husband.

I have paid child support since for both boys.

The 24 year old I have now stopped as he is working.
The 21 year old, has autism, although he can carry on with life and this does not cause him any problems. He is a very bright young man.

My ex wife and her husband claim benefits for him and he has gone onto college. I pay child support for him, but she seems to put him on course after course which are more like hobbies instead of learning courses to enable him to get a job.

I have tried to discuss this with her but to no avail.

My son will not get into work if this carries on because he is only going to college 2 days per week and unfortunately he is not getting any work experience. At the moment he is doing amination. Which he enjoys, but he is not going to find a job in this field and has no intention of taking this up as a career.

I have discussed work with my son and he feels it would be good to meet people and good for his social skills etc, but he says his mum will not let him apply for jobs. She is very controlling and I do not feel this is the best for my son, but I have have no choice in the matter as she holds all of the cards.

I have to say, we get on ok, in a business like sense. As longs as she gets her money each month then there are no problems and I am able to see my boys, who I have made sure never suffer.

I feel that she is doing it so that she can claim the benefits and CSA that she gets as this works to her advantage.

I am very happy to pay CSA but wondered if anyone knew at what age it stops if someone is classed as autistic (even slight).
The CSA have said if my ex carries on enrolling him into college courses then it is ongoing. I wonder if there is an age when it stops as it?
I look forward to your replies.
Kind wishes

themull1

I thought it was 19? At rhis rate you'll still be paying for him when he's 40!!

kevin137

I am not too sure myself, but i don't believe you should still be paying for a "child" @ 21 either.

If this is a private arrangement then stop it immediately, if it is court ordered, then make an application back to the court for it to be stopped, you could also stop payments with this, and put to one side should you be ordered to continue paying.

If it is the CSA, which is sounds like from what you write, i would be astounded that they are still taking money from you...!

Is payment by direct debit to them...? Or is it by DEO...???

This is the link to Scotlands CSA form

http://www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/@benefits/documents/digitalasset/dg_198867.pdf

It clearly states ages up to 19...!

And this is the link to the disabled pages for support of direct.govs website

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/index.htm

Which shows all the options available to a disabled person for financial needs etc, and this says nothing about CSA.

I would start by writing to the CSA and requesting a reassessment and repayment of ALL overpaid amounts at the 1st available opportunity...!

Make it formal, and request this is done within 4 weeks and if not a formal complaint will be raised with the involvement of your MP.

I know it is a hard decision to make, as you would effectively be cutting of your support to your child, which could be an emotionally hard decision. However, there is nothing to stop you choosing to support your son yourself, financially or otherwise, maybe giving him a prepaid debit card with the same amount so he can be in control of any finances you supply for him to use as HE sees fit. But gives you the control of knowing from statements what is being spent where. It may be an option for you, it may not. But taking back control of your life and giving him the chance to take control of his would be a good thing i think.

And most importantly, don't give up, as a parent you have a lifelong commitment, that does not mean you should forever be supporting an ex with money to suit her...!

Poppie68

The previous post are correct with the age limits, but this day and age it is so hard without having a disabilty to get a job never mind with one and maybe this what the mother fears. Surely him sitting around with no contact at all would be detrimental to him. College must provide him with some kind of social life and therefore will be better off staying.

pickpocketlocket

Poppie68 wrote: »

The previous post are correct with the age limits, but this day and age it is so hard without having a disabilty to get a job never mind with one and maybe this what the mother fears. Surely him sitting around with no contact at all would be detrimental to him. College must provide him with some kind of social life and therefore will be better off staying.

He could take a part time course whilst actively jobseeking, and/ or do some voluntary work? The latter would be far more productive than airy fairy courses!

asgoodasitgets

Thank you for all of your helpful and very useful advice... very much appreciated.

kingfisherblue

My son has Down's Syndrome and a list of medical conditions. My understanding is that I will receive child support from my ex until he leaves school/college, or until the age of 19, whichever is soonest.

SingleSue

Poppie68 wrote: »

The previous post are correct with the age limits, but this day and age it is so hard without having a disabilty to get a job never mind with one and maybe this what the mother fears. Surely him sitting around with no contact at all would be detrimental to him. College must provide him with some kind of social life and therefore will be better off staying.

I have two children with autism but there is no way I would expect my ex husband to be providing financial support when they have left school after 6th form.

They are adults by then and should be able to claim benefits in their own right at college...or be working.

missbunbury

The CSA shouldn't still be collecting 2 years after the 19th birthday unless there are arrears outstanding. Is it possible the case is maintenance direct and the CSA are unaware of payments having continued?

poet123

pickpocketlocket wrote: »

He could take a part time course whilst actively jobseeking, and/ or do some voluntary work? The latter would be far more productive than airy fairy courses!

That surely depends on the severity or otherwise of his autistic tendencies?

asgoodasitgets

No it is collected through the CSA and always has been. When we split up she wanted it that way and there has never been any problems or defaults. I have paid every month without fail for the past 10 years without a quibble this is for child support. His mother was living with someone else within a week of us parting and married within a year so the monies were just for the children.

When I have asked the CSA about this they say due to the fact that he is still being enrolled at college, no matter how many hours (2 days) and he is 21 it makes no difference I will have to keep paying until he is taken out of college. He has just been enrolled for another 2 years and I know that his mother will keep doing this. As I said previously they are 'hobby' courses and not educational.
His autism is just that he is not very good socially, it stops him doing nothing. He goes out on his own, catches trains and buses and a plane to me from Scotland. He is a very bright young man.
He is very bright academically and although lives with his mother and husband, he can look after himself.

Thank you for your feedback, it is so helpful.
Kind wishes