New child on way - scared I may be in financial trouble

welshmoneylover

bumeyes wrote: »

Just the sort of response I expected. I wasn't asking to be judged. I was asking a question. Would they make a new family 'homeless' in order to support an existing family.

Surely its your role as parent to support your existing 2 children? Why have another child when you seem barely able to afford to keep the two you already have?

Marisco

bumeyes wrote: »

Just the sort of response I expected. I wasn't asking to be judged. I was asking a question. Would they make a new family 'homeless' in order to support an existing family.

To be fair, this is probably the thoughts of most of us. £1000+ per month is ridiculous and if you cannot afford it, then as some have said, sell the house and buy something cheaper. If you fall behind with your mortgage, then it's nothing to do with the CSA, otherwise a lot of NRP's would be taking out ridiculous mortgages so they can cut down on CM payments!

You have 3 choices really, your wife goes back to work sharpish, you cut down on outgoings or you sell the house and move to something more affordable. Nip over to the DFW (debt free wanabee) board, put up an SO (statement of affairs) and the folk over there are very good at showing you where you can reduce your outgoings, to leave you more money per month.

If you are paying the correct amount of CM, then (from the CSA's side) there is nothing you can do, housing costs are not taken into account.

Miss_Havisham

My brother left the marital home 5 years ago and has never been able to afford a home since. He stayed with me for 3 years and now lives with his girlfriend in her house so he is not much more than a lodger (with benefits LOL). If he should split from her he'll be back in my tiny spare room, a 2 hour commute from his work.

Although he will stop paying CSA soon, he has not been able to save more than a few hundred pounds "emergency fund" so even renting a tiny place would be difficult without a deposit. Even a tiny mortgage is and will be impossible.

CSA told him that if he couldn't rent he should find somewhere cheaper or stay with friends.

I suspect that many ex-husbands are in this situation. It's the price he pays to ensure his children can be properly provided for and don't lose out because of the divorce.

FBaby

The situation you are finding yourself in the same than many people who decide to buy an expensive house and then have children. The fact that you have children from a previous relationship that you need to support is no different to families who have already two children and many costs associated with them.

You can't consider that a solution associated with your financial situation should be in regards to your maintenance to your other children. The issue as you yourself pointed is the fact that you will have to cope without your wife salary. That's the key concern. As someone said, that should have been factored in and the usual approach when starting a new job is to usually wait until they are elligible for maternity payments before starting to try for a baby.

I personally don't think this message should be in the child support section but in the debt-free one where people could advise you about reducing your outgoings to allow your partner to stay at home as long as she can if that is the plan. If the intention is that she becomes a stay at home mum, then maybe you might need to sell and buy a cheaper property.

Marisco

Miss_Havisham wrote: »

My brother left the marital home 5 years ago and has never been able to afford a home since. He stayed with me for 3 years and now lives with his girlfriend in her house so he is not much more than a lodger (with benefits LOL). If he should split from her he'll be back in my tiny spare room, a 2 hour commute from his work.

Although he will stop paying CSA soon, he has not been able to save more than a few hundred pounds "emergency fund" so even renting a tiny place would be difficult without a deposit. Even a tiny mortgage is and will be impossible.

CSA told him that if he couldn't rent he should find somewhere cheaper or stay with friends.

I suspect that many ex-husbands are in this situation. It's the price he pays to ensure his children can be properly provided for and don't lose out because of the divorce.

This is why I tend to be on the "side" of NRP's. PWC's get all sorts of benefits that are not available to the NRP's. However, in the case of the op, presumably he knew he had to pay CSA, and what rate, and also that they'd struggle on one wage, yet took out a very large mortgage, and then had a child which meant the wife had to give up work!! And then expect the CSA to take their personal decisions into account!

FBaby

Since my ex has been with his partner, getting maintenance has always been a battle. She has two children and has never financially supported herself. Whilst my ex was out of work, they decided to have another child together.... He got a decent job again, but by the time he has paid to support the 4 of them, because she won't work, there is little left to go to our 2 children. Sometimes he pays a low amount (which I agreed to because it is better than nothing) and sometimes I get the sobbing stories and lies to justify why he can't pay. I know very well they justify it because my partner and I earn good salaries and can afford to provide them with a nice lifestyle without their maintenance. What they don't take into account is that we are both chosing to work full-time for the money that we earn (we are both dissatisfied with our jobs and would be more than happy to give them up if it wasn't for the money!), and in the end, we have taken the decision not to have a child together (despite him not having any). If we had, and I had decided to be a stay at home mum, we would also struggle to make ends meet.

It is about choices. You can't have it all as you like and expect to dodge your responsibilities to suit your choices.

fannyanna

OP I don’t mean to be judgemental but I’m afraid that this is something that you should have thought about before trying for a baby .

I can empathise with your situation. I’m an NRPP and my Husband and I have wanted to start our own family for a number of years but the reality is that our future baby (fingers crossed) will be the 3rd child that we’ll be financially responsible for. We therefore had to wait to get ourselves into a financially comfortable position before we started trying for a baby. Unfortunately for us, despite being sensible and doing things the “right way”, we’re struggling with fertility issues more than a year on .

As you’ve already found out the reduction in child maintenance is not substantial so you need to look at the rest of your finances and see if you can cut back on your expenditure or increase your household income. I would very much recommend posting your SOA on the debt free board (you don’t have to be in debts to post there – people on the board are still happy to help) to see if anyone can give you some advice.

Finally, congratulations on the baby :T

FBaby

fannyanna, I just wanted to say that I feel for you in your situation. I remember earlier posts you made a few years ago and I think you have indeed shown real responsibility towards your step-children and your future life. It really isn't fair that you should now struggle to conceive.

My partner and I also discovered we had fertility issues after a miscarriage. We were advised to do IVF, but due to me having children already, and despite the identified issue being with my partner, we were not elligible for NHS funding. We had to decide whether to spend about £15K for a realistic chance of about 15% to achieve a pregnancy (due to my age). We discussed it but then agreed (more him than I) that we couldn't afford putting so much in for such little chance of success. That was at the same time that my ex and his partner, both on benefits with already 4 children between themselves not supporting any of them, announced their pregnancy....

I really hope it works for you and you get the chance to become a mum as you deserve to.

fannyanna

FBaby wrote: »

fannyanna, I just wanted to say that I feel for you in your situation. I remember earlier posts you made a few years ago and I think you have indeed shown real responsibility towards your step-children and your future life. It really isn't fair that you should now struggle to conceive.

My partner and I also discovered we had fertility issues after a miscarriage. We were advised to do IVF, but due to me having children already, and despite the identified issue being with my partner, we were not elligible for NHS funding. We had to decide whether to spend about £15K for a realistic chance of about 15% to achieve a pregnancy (due to my age). We discussed it but then agreed (more him than I) that we couldn't afford putting so much in for such little chance of success. That was at the same time that my ex and his partner, both on benefits with already 4 children between themselves not supporting any of them, announced their pregnancy....

I really hope it works for you and you get the chance to become a mum as you deserve to.

Wow, what a lovely post (completely unexpected on the CSA thread lol). Thank you FBaby

DUTR

bumeyes wrote: »

Just the sort of response I expected. I wasn't asking to be judged. I was asking a question. Would they make a new family 'homeless' in order to support an existing family.

In the very long run...perhaps, but in the short term no.
Ignore the vipers, of course you are entitled to move on with your life and you and your current partner deserve to have a family together if that is what you choose, basicially I suspect you are paying 20% net pay , well when the new arrival appears, then you will have to contribute 20% less 15% of that amount eg say you were paying £400pm then it would drop to £340 per month.