Why am I such an idiot?

forallotherthings

Probably not the best place to post as it's just a big moany, ranty, self pitying winge but it is at least about debt.

Does anyone else have days when they just think: I got into debt by being an idiot, I stayed in debt by being an idiot and I sabotage every single thing I do to get out by being an idiot. And because I don't want my friends and family to know how much of an idiot I am I'm trying to hide all of the above? How do you get out of it? (That cycle not the debt!!)

Luckily I get paid tomorrow but I completly miscalculated how much I could afford to pay of a debt and left myself short and I forgot to pay some cheques in so they haven't cleared and I have no cash. What a fool. Lovely boyfriend shall have to have beans on toast when he comes over tonight.

Card got declined in shop other day and the tuts and mutters and glances felt like everyone else was saying the above (quite unfair too considering there are many reasons for a declined card and the last 2 times it happend was because a stop had been put on it due to suspicious payments) (but not really that unfair as it was cos I'd spent all my cash).

I know the best advice is, suck it up you got yourself here but I already know that advice and it's not currently working.

quantic

I wouldn't worry too much about what people think...

1) You are probably just being paranoid.
2) People have something to say if your good or bad with money.

You need to understand and want to sort your finances out for the right reason. My reason was because I wanted to be in control of my life, to have a little financial safety net, so that I didn't feel like the banks and my bosses at work were my gods.

Its not that difficult really, you just gotta have patience and be prepared to go without certain things, its only money after all though so wouldn't get too worked up about it.

I think sometimes its good to go through a little bit of a rough patch though, it helps you maintain the good times when they finally arrive.

mrsb83_2

Would you talk about a friend using that language? Probably not.

Be kind to yourself. As long as you're trying to educate yourself about finances, and taking steps to improve your situation, then you're doing well.

forallotherthings

Depends how much they'd annoyed me Mrsb! Although probably not you're right.

Quantic, I think you're right about the rough times hopefully the good times coming up will seem even better.

floella80

You've already started your journey by accepting that you need to do something. Don't be too hard on yourself. Like everyone said there are ups and downs.

Angry_Bear

I don't think it's just a debt thing. I've got no debt at all at the moment and my financial side is looking pretty rosy (for once!) but when I'm having a bad day I still have the "why am I so useless at everything" moments.

You know, where you're convinced that every other person on the planet is thinking you're a Richard because of something daft you said, even though in reality nobody even noticed. I think it's just insecurities and crises of confidence - we all have them from time to time.

Ask youself, if the person in front of you in the queue had their card declined (for example) would you be all snotty thinking they were a moron or thinking, "poor lass/chap, they must be mortified".

Fact is, everyone makes mistakes in all aspects of their lives, at least you're trying to fix yours - stop beating yourself up over it!

castortroy28

Its alright....

The first path onto happiness is admitting that you have a problem.

I was the same as you constantly in and out of debt.

I never told my parents or rest of family. I am glad now that I did but there has been consequences for my actions. I have gotten closer to my parents and I thankful that they are there.

I dont have any friends anymore as I chose not to hang out with them since they spent all my money.

I am single and lets be honest I am going to be that way for a while until I solve all my debts. There is no no way I can even hope to start up a relationship with someone if I cant even afford to take them out. I am not talking about expensive dinners and things anything more than 10 quid I would struggle with right now.

Dont worry bout your bf, if he is caring enough he can offer you the support and he should be understanding.

It will get better... trust me on that.... for me it already has after 4 weeks. keep your chin up. there is light at the end of the tunnel.

FredWhispers

Accepting you are an 'idiot' is the first step.

Not spending money you dont need to is the second.

You can do it!

maccymum

Angry_Bear wrote: »

I don't think it's just a debt thing. I've got no debt at all at the moment and my financial side is looking pretty rosy (for once!) but when I'm having a bad day I still have the "why am I so useless at everything" moments.

You know, where you're convinced that every other person on the planet is thinking you're a Richard because of something daft you said, even though in reality nobody even noticed. I think it's just insecurities and crises of confidence - we all have them from time to time.

Ask youself, if the person in front of you in the queue had their card declined (for example) would you be all snotty thinking they were a moron or thinking, "poor lass/chap, they must be mortified".

Fact is, everyone makes mistakes in all aspects of their lives, at least you're trying to fix yours - stop beating yourself up over it!

what warming words! made me smile and they werent aimed at me!
x

maccymum

forallotherthings wrote: »

Probably not the best place to post as it's just a big moany, ranty, self pitying winge but it is at least about debt.

Does anyone else have days when they just think: I got into debt by being an idiot, I stayed in debt by being an idiot and I sabotage every single thing I do to get out by being an idiot. And because I don't want my friends and family to know how much of an idiot I am I'm trying to hide all of the above? How do you get out of it? (That cycle not the debt!!)

Luckily I get paid tomorrow but I completly miscalculated how much I could afford to pay of a debt and left myself short and I forgot to pay some cheques in so they haven't cleared and I have no cash. What a fool. Lovely boyfriend shall have to have beans on toast when he comes over tonight.

Card got declined in shop other day and the tuts and mutters and glances felt like everyone else was saying the above (quite unfair too considering there are many reasons for a declined card and the last 2 times it happend was because a stop had been put on it due to suspicious payments) (but not really that unfair as it was cos I'd spent all my cash).

I know the best advice is, suck it up you got yourself here but I already know that advice and it's not currently working.

hope you are feeling a wee bit better, i feel your pain and have many days like this!
m xx

Newgirl_2

I'm a fan of the saying 'you did what you knew how to do and when you knew better, you did better'.

You can't fix a problem until you recognise there is one and what needs to be done. You're not a 'idiot' but you have problems with debt and budgeting and now you know that, you can get some help and change how you think about money and how you do things.

There's so much amazing advice on here and people who will help you if you ask. Tackle one thing at a time. A proper budget plan is key, one that you update properly and refer to. Once you've got that in place it's surprising how the rest follows.

As for what other people think, stuff 'em. I presume they aren't perfect in every way?

Good luck

Newgirl

PS Beans on toast is one of my favourite meals. I beg to have it :-)