Suddenly confused on ceremony

wannabemrs

The one thing I know I don't want is a normal registrar.

Humanist weddings are legal in Scotland, and I have spoken to a lovely celebrant who would do our wedding, though it would cost around £430 to have her. However, she just sent me through an example ceremony script, and I just don't like it. Not sure why I feel like that, but it doesn't seem like me. I know with humanist you can basically write the whole thing yourself, but it has put me off a bit.

The other option is an old school friend who is now a minister. I have known him for over 15 years, and for a while were best friends. He has sent me a ceremony text that I like, and is fairly light on the religion, though includes a couple of god mentions and a couple of prayers. The problem with this is that H2B is athiest, and fairly scathing of religion in general. I'm going to show him the script and see what he thinks, but I would hate for there to be parts of our wedding ceremony that mean nothing to him, or have him cringing.

I guess the most sensible route would be a standard registrar, but for some reason (probably because I do come from a religious background and still have my beliefs) this just doesn't feel like it would be personal to us.

I can see me going round in circles about this one, how did you choose your ceremony type? Any suggestions?

sedment

Hi, when we got married, we got told there could be no religious references/song when we got married by a registrar. To be honest, my other half wasnt really bothered as we dont go to church and both think its hypocritical to join a church, to have a ceremony and get nice pics in a church then never go back. Would he agree to a blessing after a basic registrars? Its so difficult to choose where and how to get married never mind family and friend influences!! Maybe go back to the humanist lady and get some more examples?? Sorry, not much help but good luck!!

johannalf88

Hmm it's a tough one. OH and I always knew we would have a civil ceremony, as we are both atheists. If one of us felt really strongly the other way we would have a real problem...

If you get married in a church it has to be religious- would your OH be happy with that? I (just my opinion) would hate it, an making any vows before 'god' would be meaningless- I might as well make them to the spaghetti monster!

But if not making vows before 'god' makes it meaningless... I don't know.

I think you just have to see which means more to you and him, then the lesser will hav to compromise- just don't think that a lack of faith is any less important than a faith. I couldn't compromise on this due to the strength of my feelings about it- I would feel a complete hypocrit.

stir_crazy

We knew we would have a civil ceremony - we are both athiests and to me it would be hypocritical to have a religious ceremony.
OH's first wedding was in a church, but its only because his wife wanted the nice church pictures.
We considered a humanist ceremony and we went to one that was quite nice, but they gave the same sort of speech that you would get at a religious ceremony except it was about humanism.

The blessing sounds like a nice idea, then you get the best of both worlds.

nuatha

We are having a registry office wedding in order to comply with the legalities and a handfasting as our religious wedding (both Pagans). The ritual is being written by us, in conjunction with the priestesses who will officiate.
You could opt for a registry office just to satisfy the legal requirements and write your own commitment ceremony which wouldn't necessarily require a trained officiant, that way it would reflect the two of you.

MrsDrink

If you like the ceremony text your minister friend has given you, but are worried about the references to god, would you be able to adapt it, remove the references, and give it to the humanist celebrant to use? That way you get the personalised nature without the religious references?
(I don't know if this is possible, we live in England so didn't look into humanist ceremonies).

wannabemrs

That's an idea Mrs Drink, a lot of it is so lovely, and I don't mind not having religion involved, the way I believe is that no matter who performs the ceremony, the deity I believe in would witness it anyway, whereas any oaths under god would be meaningless to H2B, which makes the ceremony pointless as mentioned by other posters.

Think we will be having a long chat tonight about exactly what we want from it, at least we do have the 2 to compare and work with, and hopefully come up with something perfect

lisajane8482

We are having a civil ceremony in approved premises. Originally OH wanted a church wedding but I am athiest, OH does believe in god but not the bible (if that makes sense) so he doens't actually go to church. He didn't want to get married at the registry office as in his words "it's plain" so we argreed on an approved premises.

I can't really offer you any different advice than what has been said above.

cats2012

Mine's in a church because althought I'm not religious I am a bit spiritual and I love the history and tradition of marriage, so a church was pretty important.

Having been to civil ceremonies since it was definitely the right choice as they just wouldn't suit us at all.

lovecake

You'd be surprised how much you can personalise a civil ceremony! Although there are a few things that you have to legally say, you can add your own vows if you want, have some readings and songs that mean something to you both.

We always new we would have a civil ceremony as we aren't religious and, as others have said, would feel hypocritical - I'm not overly keen on churches either tbh. We had 2 friends give great readings - one that was a bit funny and had our guests giggling, and one that was more emotional and caused a few tears! We also chose some songs that we really liked as a couple like Johnny Cash and Frank Sinatra etc. I found it really fun choosing all the music - we needed one for my entrance, three for signing the register and one for our exit. Our guests commented on what a great ceremony it was, we really enjoyed it and it felt really personal to us.

I have never been to a humanist wedding before, but I have been to a humanist funeral and it was such a lovely service. I think you when you sit down with your OH and weigh up the options you will know what you want to do. Good luck deciding!

podperson

I think adapting the church one for the humanist celebrant sounds like a good idea. Also, I know you said you're a bit against civil ceremonies but you can make them more personal now, eg you can say your own vows or discuss with the registrator adding in some details to the 'standard' script - might be worth having a chat with one?