How do /did you deal with your difficult boss?

TrickyWicky

Hi all

I've been lucky enough to find a self-employed job which I've been in for a couple of months. The pay is awful but I do enjoy the job, the people etc and thats the main reason I've stayed.

Here is my problem: I work hard, I work honestly and I always go the extra mile to keep management happy however this only seems to land me in trouble in any job I've done. I get management having a go at me over the most trivial things, making false accusations, bullying etc.

Today I went out of my way for the company, had to waste 4 hours of my own time on their blunder with no pay for it only to finish the day and get another going at. I now stand accused of being argumentative just for trying to explain my point of view to a boss that refused to listen to anything but his version. I've had this in one job after another and have always walked out. This time I don't want to walk out but I also don't want to be walked all over again just for trying to do a good job.

So, how would you, have you or did you deal with a difficult boss?

Many thanks,

TW

annie1975_2

I dont work but i know if it was my OH,he would tell them to stick the job where the sun dont shine.
The trouble today with a lot of company's is they think you should be grateful for having a job..Dont put up with no crap and stick up for yourself.

marybelle01

This is probably not going to be the most popular opinion you get here, but unless you are really, really lousy at picking places to work, I'd have to suggest that you look closer to home - if this happens in every workplace then maybe the fault lies with you?

Maybe you aren't aware of what you are doing or how you might appear to other people? And this may be time to sit back and have a good long, honest look at why everyone seems to think the same thing about you.

The thing is, what you are describing isn't necessarily a fault per se, but it may be a case of wrong attuitude, wrong place. What goes down really well in some places or some lines of work goes down really badly in others. That's just the way it is. Take me for example - 90% of my working life is spent abroad working in war and disaster zones. I often don't have time (or energy) to spend on social niceities or to wait for the penny to drop or someone to get around to doing the right thing at the right time. I can bark commands at senior military personnel (anyones!) and expect no argument better than most of them can and if they don't like it then my job is to make them like it. I don't have time to pander to the egos of government officials (again - I am an equal opportunities offender and can happily descend from a great height on anyones). Etc. Etc. I'm good at it. A blend of absolute certainty and arrogance is needed in this line of work. It's expected. It goes down like a lead balloon in a UK social work department 95% of the time and I have to be very careful, especially with more senior managers, not to act like this - and I don't always succeed I admit. Some of my managers think I am abrasive and abrupt. They are right. I get away with it because I am very good at my job, senior enough to get some slack, and usually right and it is their dithering and procrastination that brings out my "bad side" - which they are usally honest enough to realise if not admit out loud all that often.

But if I was less experienced, or less senior, or less good at my job - I would be out of the door so fast that my feet wouldn't touch the ground. And I know that, and I know I can only get away with it so much. Hence the effort on my part to curb my natural instincts.

So that would be my advice. If this is happening everywhere you work, you need to change something about your approach. Or find a line of work where that approach is more acceptable.

gibson123

I was feeling sympathetic until I read this:

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Hi all


I've had this in one job after another and have always walked out. T

TW

Are you sure you are not doing something that winds people up? and makes them lose it with you. Working in a low paid job and doing a lot of extra hours without pay, do you perhaps play the martyr. You know take on a lot of extra work and then come over resentful and argumentive and hard down by. I am not trying to justify your current boss's behaviour but if you keep repeating this pattern you need to look at why this happens.

TrickyWicky

marybelle01 wrote: »

This is probably not going to be the most popular opinion you get here, but unless you are really, really lousy at picking places to work, I'd have to suggest that you look closer to home - if this happens in every workplace then maybe the fault lies with you?

Seriously, I've been asking myself that for ages. I can't get my head around it, the face never seems to fit despite my best efforts. It often feels like I have a neon sign above my head reading 'sc*m' or something. Weirdly the more I keep my gob shut the more respect I seem to get (and no, I don't like the sound of my own voice so maybe others don't either - I dunno but its not something I can change is it!). If I speak with my deep "Ii couldn't give a rats" voice it seems to do wonders for me yet its rare that I talk like that.

marybelle01 wrote: »

Maybe you aren't aware of what you are doing or how you might appear to other people? And this may be time to sit back and have a good long, honest look at why everyone seems to think the same thing about you.

I've always tried to carry on and do my best but I seem to be a magnet for the brown stuff. I've been trying to figure it out for years myself and can't get to the bottom of it. Maybe I should just stop bothering and go on the sick instead The thing is I am naturally a cheerful, helpful and keen person but it seems to get me in the **** compared to the lazy low lifes who can't be bothered to do anything. People have even written in positive letters about me to my past employers but again it seems to land me in the ****.

gibson123 wrote: »

Are you sure you are not doing something that winds people up? and makes them lose it with you. Working in a low paid job and doing a lot of extra hours without pay, do you perhaps play the martyr.

No, I just do what I'm asked. If I am asked to help out my employer / go the extra mile I will do so to try and be helpful. I didn't even speak of it to them today but to finish the day and get a going at after they made the blunder causing me a loss of earnings seems OTT. I'd said nothing to them yet they took it out on me because they screwed it up.

As for my last job, I technically at the time qualified under the DDA as disabled (that problem was solved with surgery a year after walking out) and the company were trying to make life difficult to get me out as they didn't want the hassle.

gibson123 wrote: »

You know take on a lot of extra work and then come over resentful and argumentive and hard down by. I am not trying to justify your current boss's behaviour but if you keep repeating this pattern you need to look at why this happens.

I didn't volunteer to do the extra work and I believe my first post made it clear that they made a blunder that wasted 4 hours of my day to rectify it. It needed sorting and I was the only one who could sort it. They asked me to do it and I did it. I wasn't going to say anything else about it yet alone argue with them or whine about it and was about to go home when I got set on by the boss. It was totally uncalled for. I also didn't say anything to indicate to them that I resented it either. On the contrary I walked into the office feeling bright, bubbly and happy - I was on my way home! I was happy, the day was done and I was out of there and suddenly out of no-where I'm being had a go at and then being told I'm argumentative just for trying to explain something. I couldn't even get a word in - the boss just kept talking over me.

Needless to say when I walked out I was the total opposite of the happy person I'd walked in as.

Seriously though, the two of you seem to be trying to suggest that I am at fault so I can't help but wonder if it is some sort of victim vibe I am putting out without realising that is opening me up to greif. I was never taught to stand up for myself and in fact encouraged to be walked all over so I wonder if this is something people are taking advantage of (I had a really sick and twisted single parent before you ask).

Clearly I am doing something wrong / attracting greif but what I want to know is how on earth do I figure it out and put a stop to it?

Southend1

OP it's hard to advise without knowing a bit more about what happened. Maybe you would like to elaborate a bit on the issues you have with your boss? In the meantime stay positive and try not to pay too much attention to anyone who says it's all your fault. I can assure you it won't be. It may be that you can influence the situation by altering your behaviour but there's no excuse for bullying.... However it is often hard for others to understand a bullying situation as it is human nature to believe that noone would deliberately be nasty/vindictive/difficult. In reality though some people are like this and they feed off negative emotions so they try to create negative feelings in others to feed their desire to cover up their own inadequacy.

Southend1

Ps just read your latest post.... If you didn't volunteer to do the work in your own time and are self employed why not just include the 4 hours in your next invoice to the company?

marybelle01

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Seriously though, the two of you seem to be trying to suggest that I am at fault so I can't help but wonder if it is some sort of victim vibe I am putting out...?

Seriously though, I went out of my way to say that there is a difference between being at "fault" (ie in the wrong) and the fact that if this keeps happening you must have something to do with it. Perhaps the "victim vibe" comes out in your seeing the worst in things when people are actually trying to help you?

Two4Tuesday

Here's my advice, as a former employer: Communication is key.

1. Make sure that you understand what is expected of you, and that you can do it.
2. If something unexpected is dropped in your lap and will take extra time to do, regardless of whose fault it was, make sure that you
(a) notify your line manager if you are going to take it on
(b) let them know how long it will take to do, and why - if it's going to take a while.
(c) If you can't do it, say so and explain the reason.
(d) put this all in writing - a quick email will help to cover your back.

TrickyWicky

Southend1 wrote: »

Ps just read your latest post.... If you didn't volunteer to do the work in your own time and are self employed why not just include the 4 hours in your next invoice to the company?

I can't do that unfortunately - I don't want to say too much about it as I might make myself identifiable but they pay me a percentage of the work that I get done that they charge for. Sorry for being cryptic! Believe me I'd love to invoice them extra but I can't. They basically employ us, give us a (hard to understand statement) and let us deal with the taxman. Basically a job but without a payroll / personnel dept.

The point is that they blundered and left me to pick up the pieces (wrong place right time kind of thing). I wasn't really bothered to be honest but I was just really miffed that I got a b*ll*ck*ng for it when I wasn't even going to say anything to them about it other than "See you tomorrow guys and have a good evening". Imagine the shock when I ended up being the latest black sheep (and yes, they just fired one other and another guy is on thin ice - I witnessed him get a 'telling off' today from another member of management).

marybelle01 wrote: »

Seriously though, I went out of my way to say that there is a difference between being at "fault" (ie in the wrong) and the fact that if this keeps happening you must have something to do with it.

Yes I know and I am not dismissing it. I simply need you good people to help me out somehow! EDIT: Just re-read your post and your quote of my post.. I see what you're getting at (I think - sorry, mind is a bit blurred, long day, not enough sleep etc).

marybelle01 wrote: »

Perhaps the "victim vibe" comes out in your seeing the worst in things when people are actually trying to help you?

Maybe, I don't know. Thing is I can't really stand back from it all and analyse myself - if I (or anyone else for that matter) could then I'd be perfect and clearly I'm not! Maybe I should just not respond at all and simply say "ok" instead? - They can't exactly pick fault with that can they!

Two4Tuesday wrote: »

Communication is key.

Agreed but this bunch don't like talking to any of us for longer than they must - they're too busy trying to answer the phones to take on work (fair enough) and don't like talking to the workers unless it's unavoidable. As for emails, it's not that kind of job I'm afraid - it's a physical job with no office type stuff involved so thats out of the window! Thanks for the advice though

TrickyWicky

Southend1 wrote: »

Maybe you would like to elaborate a bit on the issues you have with your boss?

I don't really have any issues with the boss to be honest. I thought (up until recently) that he was a good egg and while we weren't exactly drinking buddies, I felt we got on pretty well. It's been a bit difficult recently however and I've found myself in the firing line.

Southend1 wrote: »

In the meantime stay positive and try not to pay too much attention to anyone who says it's all your fault. I can assure you it won't be. It may be that you can influence the situation by altering your behaviour

As much as I hate to admit it, I have seen a pattern through many of my jobs of people who don't give a **** just saying things like "ok", "yeah sure", "alright" etc and basically giving the "get off my back cos I don't really give a ****" type of attitude. I've always been one of those who wants to clear the air, get my view across and have the boss understand why something has happened. Maybe I should just go with the easiest option and stop giving a damn? I've never been much good at the happy-go-lucky thing