Savings or debts? A confessional!

magentadreamer

I echo Pippo, you've already given your BF £17K to pay off debts, plus taken out another loan in your name for him. Call me cynical but if someone offered to repay all my debts I'd not hide any more of them,wrack up any more and I'd be working out how to repay them, not taking a further £7K off them. Has your BF attempted to repay any of the money you used to pay off his debts?

PennypinchingPig

Hi All,

Firstly, Thanks for all your replies so far - have to admit I'm a little over whelmed and very grateful!

To answer a couple of the questions - of the debts £8271 of them are in my name, although they've been accrued jointly, leaving £3135 in my boyfriends name which are all his. The savings though are indeed all mine - its the last of the £25k equity from my old house. (queue used to be on the property ladder and am not anymore guilt!!)

Yes - it is just a live in girlfriend / boyfriend relationship though - no ring on the finger and no bits of paper signed to say I'd get anything back if the worse did happen as a couple of you have observed.

Now I just have to try not to turn this into a relationship counseling thread!

My boyfriend and I had the conversation a while ago about 'where the relationship was going' after I'd been on a course at work where you had to outline 5 ambitions for the next 5 years of your life. Yes - it was a little bit twee (to use the polite phrase!) but at the top of my list were

1) being debt free other than a mortgage
2) and therefore ..also to get back on the property ladder
3) to be married to my boyfriend

We talked through all of those and agreed that that was what we both wanted which led to the 'well if that's our intention then we should be looking at the big picture when it comes to finances'... and you already know the rest.

So, its fair to say that originally these were my dream, but I thought that we were both committed to wanting those things, with the agreed first step being the debt free bit. I think what I'm now finding is that possibly that's something that I want a lot more then he does, or am at least more committed to.

So - I think my first step has to be another very honest conversation with my boyfriend about what we're aiming for (which is never easy as he's cagey as hell about money - hmmm now I know why!) and then after that it will either be;

a) financial damage limitation, paying off the debt in my name and cancelling any cards, but particularly those that he's joint holder on and starting to try and build some savings back up for myself
or
b) if I truly believe we have the same goal looking at ways to move the situation forward together.

Either way the lottery subscription and a couple of the other more frivolous things will be biting the dust!

Anyway - before I build up a reputation as being the longest and most tedious poster on the forums I'll sign off, but thank you all again for all of your help. I think in the end I'm asking myself very different questions to those I originally posted, but probably only because you've all helped me get to the real root of the problem, and for that I'm very grateful.

x

P.s If I post again in 48hrs to say I'm suddenly single does anyone think a DFW dating site would be a good idea - meeting someone with the same life goals guaranteed?!!!;)

SarahNeedle1872

Hi... as title says, this is just a quickie to share my experience.

I helped my OH pay off his debts before we moved in together. We also have a bank loan (in my name only, again due to bad credit rating), but I also have access to his online banking, so I always get my 'half' of the payment.

We are engaged to be married, and have an 8 week old baby, so we are in it for the long term, but I have sworn that I will NEVER get credit on his behalf, or jointly, ever again... I have read too many threads on this site, and I'm very wary now. It's not that I don't trust him, I just don't wanna put myself and my child in that postition, just in case.

Don't take this as me passing judgement on ur relationship, because I'm in no place to do that, but be careful. You have already helped him more than many people ever would help their OH! From experience, it's the changing of the spending habit that's the hardest bit... my OH is still a work in progress!

Good luck with ur DFW goal

S x

newmum1

Personally I would use the savings to help pay off the debts I nthink that would be the quickest way to help reduce your debts, also i think that your outgoings can be reduced to only paying out for what is neccessary not for luxury, u will defo save money that way.