Any tips on how not to cry at cremation

mikegamez

Hi all and many thanks in advance.

Unfortuatly my mother died two weeks ago and is being cremated this week.
Her favourite hymn was "Abide with me" and even reading the lyrics is enough to make me cry.
I would really like to be strong for my father and children and try not to cry - but I must sing it!
Does any one have any tips on how to do this?

Mike

brednall

SOrry to hear your sad news Mike but I lost my father last November and I was surprised how strong I was on the day of his cremation. It hurt more than anything to see how distressed my mother was but it lifted my heart to see how many people came out to pay their respects to him. You may surprise yourself on the day and be able to keep your emotions under control but don't be afraid to cry. It is the best release.

Torry_Quine

Sorry to hear of your loss but there's nothing wrong with crying for your mother. It doesn't mean you aren't strong.

moonpenny

I am so sorry for your loss!

Please don't worry about showing how upset you are as it is to be expected.

Like you, I hate showing my emotions and just can't sing when feeling like that, so it really doesn't matter if you sing or not . You just do what you can to get through the day.

You will be there for your father and children giving them support and that is all you can do.

I'm sorry if I havn't been much help but it's one of those things we all have to get through as best we can, so don't put extra pressure on yourself about what's expected - we all cope in different ways!

Savermidget

Hi, so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel having been through this twice this year with close relatives and trying to hold it together for the younger ones that were present.
There's no shame in crying and it is a relief to "get it all out" as they say but as said earlier it can be surprising how controlled you can be on the day and then release it all later once the stress and worry of the day is lifted.

My Uncle really wanted to sing at my Nan's cremation a few months ago and decided to pre record himself "just in case". In the end he decided to play the recording instead of singing live and found it much easier to relax as the worry and nerves of performing was lifted - might be worth attempting a few recordings and see how you get on - you might find that the more you sing the song, the more you get used to it as well.

Beautiful hymn choice as well by the way, one of my favourites.
Hopefully I've helped. Stay strong, you will get through it in the end.

SUESMITH_2

no shame in showing emotion by crying, maybe your dad would be a bit surprised if you go through the day without crying? it doesn't make you a weaker person.

i did the eulogy for my dad, and i managed not to cry until after i had done it by being very focused and ignoring everything and everyone around me. i was very pleased when i had done it and could express my emotions