DD doesn't talk at nursery

beebuzz168

Am after some advice and other peoples experiences...

My DD (18mths) goes to nursery 2 full days and two half days per week. She's been at the same nursery since she was c.9mths.

At some point in the last couple of months, and I can't pinpoint when, she changed from reaching out to give cuddles to the staff to, now, refusing to even make eye contact with them.

I didn't realise quite how quiet she was there until one of the staff mentioned what a nice "yes" she said and how it was unusual because she is usually so quiet.

Outside of nursery, and with family, we can't shut her up! She's a proper chatterbox with a good range of words, and the best belly laugh ever (I accept here that I'm biased!). Though I have noticed that around larger groups of people, particularly those that she doesn't know particularly well, she will be much quieter and cling to me until she finds her feet a little.

This morning I was in tears leaving her there, as I hate the thought that she isn't happy in some way. Though on the way to nursery, she chats away about it and repeats the names of the staff quite happily. And there are never any tears.

I guess I'm suffering from mummy guilt, but I was wondering if it was normal for her to have such different personalities in different settings. And how I can encourage her out of her shell a little without making a big deal out of it.

Both DH and I aren't the most confident of people, although we have a good friendship circle. DD sees other children with me on my days off.

rolymo_2

it can be common for children of this age to be more 'reserved' at preschool. does she interact and join in with activites -how is she apart from the speech. does she tell you about things she has done (bearing in mind she is only 18 months), does the nursery tell you how she has been, do they show you examples of her work etc ?

i would have a chat to the nursery staff - do they have any concerns ?
has anything happened recently -at home or nursery, even something we may concider to be quite insignificant may play on a childs mind,

Tbh -i would say its more a developmental thing, at this age they can become 'clingy'
she obviously is confident around family and people she knows, and its normal for her to feel a little unsure around strangers or unfamiliar people (children and adults).
I think a chat to the nursery staff would be my first point of call - although id hope if they had a concern they would of raised it with you already.

At my setting we give parents a phone call after about an hour to let them know how their child is....and 9 times out of ten, the child is happily engaged in their play !!

Nicki

Might be some good ideas or tips on this website:

http://www.selectivemutism.org/

quietheart

Try not to worry, I'm sure she'll be fine.
I would speak to staff and ask them not to put her under any pressure to speak, give her options so she can point and nod. My son had selective mutism when he was younger so I know how stressful it is. I think it's way too soon to be looking into that though, just concentrate on reducing anxiety and never let her know that her not speaking causes any concern, that just exacerbates things.
Best of luck.

beebuzz168

Thank you for the replies, you've given me lots to think about.

For the past few days, I have been saying as I drop her off that it would be nice if she said a few words today, or encouraging her to repeat a word she's just learned - most recently her favourite word is "dishwasher" and she sounds completely adorable when she says it! But I will stop this as I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

I have had a casual chat with the staff when I've dropped her off, who have said that she is quiet but a bit better when she's in smaller groups. They also said yesterday that when she falls over she doesn't cry she just sits there waiting for someone to notice / help. That might just be because we're not pandering to her when she falls over at home, so she is generally a bit of an "oops a daisy" and carry on girl but just the thought of her not feeling able to cry out has got me nearly in tears again.

I will keep a bit more of a monitor on it over the next few weeks, and talk to nursery to find out whether it really is absolutely nothing that she's saying or just very little.

KiKi

beebuzz168 wrote: »

They also said yesterday that when she falls over she doesn't cry she just sits there waiting for someone to notice / help. That might just be because we're not pandering to her when she falls over at home, so she is generally a bit of an "oops a daisy" and carry on girl but just the thought of her not feeling able to cry out has got me nearly in tears again.

Aw, poor you. Don't be too upset. Her not crying may not be a symptom that she feels she *can't* - it may simply be that she's not hurt, and has learnt, as you say, that someone says "oops a daisy, up you get!" and she's waiting for that, because that's what's normal for her.

My eldest goddaughter was like this - chatty with me, with her parents, and one-to-one. At pre-school it was a hysteria of tears (which stopped 2 mins after mum left!), and then lots of quietness unless she was in a VERY small group of kids. Even now, at 8, she doesn't like big groups, and withdraws. There's nothing wrong, she just doesn't want to draw attention to herself. And at 18 months (as you've already said) your daughter is a bit clingy, which is probably exacerbated by the noise and chaos of a busy nursery with lots of other kids that she doesn't have to contend with at home!

I also think that kids who live in quieter homes / without siblings aren't as used to competing for attention elsewhere. So if their natural state is to be one-to-one she may feel either a bit overwhelmed and is just watching and learning, and choosing not to talk - or she may feel 'I can't compete' and so just doesn't say much. As long as you don't have the feeling that there's something very wrong (and it doesn't seem that you do) then as you say, just monitor and see how she goes - she's still very young with lots of growing her own personality and finding her feet and learning how to be with other kids.

Don't feel guilty, though - the socialising is good for her, as is the learning. And if she's not distressed to be there, it's just her personality and learning which will more than likely develop as she gets older.

KiKi

marisco_2

beebuzz168 wrote: »

This morning I was in tears leaving her there, as I hate the thought that she isn't happy in some way. Though on the way to nursery, she chats away about it and repeats the names of the staff quite happily. And there are never any tears.

If there were any need for you to worry or be concerned your daughter wouldn't be chatting happily about the nursery or the staff who care for her. She would most likely show signs of distress at the thought of going in. As happy and lovely as nursery settings are they are also a place of learning, albeit through play. I wouldn't be one bit surprised if she isn't just quietly taking it all in, absorbing knowledge like a little sponge as they do at that age.

It speaks volumes about how good the nursery is in that your daughters speach and social development is so good. That she is confident and happy when out and about with you. I suggest keeping communication very open with the nursery. Take their advice and work with them so they get to see the happy, bubbly little girl that you know and love. She is still very young, give her some time.

Have a hug, you are doing great with her, she sounds like a lovely little girl.

jackomdj

Our youngest was very quiet at crèche, We did not realise how quiet.

At about 2 1/2 she got glasses ( she got a virus, over the course of a weekend her eye went from looking normal to a severe "turn", got referred to opthomology sp? dept, when they tested her she had really bad vision which would not have been discovered if the squint ad not happened)... Anyway, once she got her glasses she gradually started coming out of herself. I am sure her quietness was because she struggled seeing things properly. She is still quiet but so much better than he was.

Your DD probably does not have any issues like this but something to bear in mind.

nixe

my son was quiet in school at the age of 3 turned out he could not hear well,
as your daughter is chatting i would not worry to much as she sounds adorable, you will learn as she grows older when she is not happy.
had a day, one of many where he was pretending to be ill with stomach pains,
as soon as i said you can stay off he was jumping up and down on the settee, turns out he had not done his homework. try not to worry.

chonorla

My daughter was/is similar.

At age 2 1/2, she went to Playschool (twice a week) for 4 months and never spoke once. It used to upset me but she never cried when her took her and would be happily playing away (usually on her own) if I sneaked back for a little look - mainly to put my mind at rest Playgroup staff said she seemed to enjoy herself but it was in her own little world and would nod or shake her head to answer questions.

At nearly age 3, she then went to private nursery with her (at the time) 18 month old brother. She never spoke for the first 4 weeks at all, only to her brother. My eldest son had also gone there (a right little chatterbox and still is at 14....) and they did there best to reassure me she was never distressed but played happily (on her own) but quietly. Then it was like someone had turned a switch on and she turned into the chatty/twittering little madam she can be at home :rotfl: Nursery had definitely been lulled into a false sense of security! She now plays well with the other girls and never shuts up apparently lol

Pre-school is a different matter. She has attended for a year now - half day everyday and barely speaks there. I have worried myself silly over this because she goes full time this September and the thought of her not speaking all day has had me in tears. Its a big Primary school and there will be 4 classes in my daughters year and every other year. The teachers have continued to assure me she has settled well and has a nice little group of friends - all who are very quiet. Apparently she does talk but just when she is in her small group of friends or one-to-one with the teachers. The teachers have said that is the best way to be sometimes as they get along lovely and really support and look out for each other.
When we have got her uniform, shoes etc for the start of school she is really excited and says she cant wait to go!!

She is obviously happy to go and enjoys it, as she has never given any indication that she does not want to go and is always full of news of what has happened that day. She obviously takes it all in!

I have come to the conclusion that different environments and groups of people bring out different sides to my daughter. The teachers said that her current class is full of some very loud and boisterous children and they have put her with her friends in a less disruptive and more able group (They stated that she was above average in her learning and development) and this would give her chance to come out of herself and reach her potential in a quieter environment.(Home life can be noisy with 2 brothers, so perhaps she is enjoying the chance to be quiet!) But who knows, as on the whole when out of the house she is a cheerful, polite but on the shy side little girl.

I know as a mum, feeling guilty is part of that package
But all 3 of my children have gone to nursery because I have worked and am currently expecting number 4 - who will also attend Nursery when I return to work. We will often feel guilty about something we are doing/ have done etc but your daughter is at a clingy age and this may be part of it. (She is the same age my youngest son was and he screamed the place down for 4 weeks when he started, but nothing since).

It sound as though she is perfectly happy in nursery, but like my daughter adjusts to the environment she is in.

chonorla

P.S. Sorry - more waffle from me!

My daughter has been to 18 parties this year from Classmates and she has never spoken in any of them - just played happily ( after a bit of encouragement) with all the others but without speaking

Who knows what is going through their little minds sometimes!!