Cover letter - help please

nimbo

[FONT=&quot]Hi -
[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]how does the blow letter look - it has a date, and my address on it also....[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Many thanks for advice.
[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]xx
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of part time sales assistant.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have enclosed my CV to provide you with information on my qualifications, experience and previous employment. I am currently studying for a degree, and would like to find part time work to fit in around this.
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have the necessary attributes in order for me to become a valued and productive member of your team. I have experience of cash handling, and have been trained on RIVA and EPOS till systems in the past.

I am a hard worker, who has experience of providing excellent quality customer service in demanding situations, and I enjoy working in demanding situations.

I am available for interview any time Monday to Friday, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully, [/FONT]

cardiffgrad1

Just some initial thoughts:
1. You should probably start by saying something about what attracted you to the job...and something more than 'its convenient for me.' This may be the truth, but I don't think its what someone hiring would want to hear. It's for a sales assistant job so what about..you like helping people etc.
2. Maybe you should provide a bit more detail about how/why you have the necessary attributes and elaborate more on the experience you have in customer service. When reading that, I wanted more detail. I know your CV will be included but no harm saying a bit more in the covering letter, especially since your application may only get skimmed over and judged on covering letter alone.

Savvy_Sue

nimbo wrote: »

[FONT=&quot]I am a hard worker, who has experience of providing excellent quality customer service in demanding situations, and I enjoy working in demanding situations. [/FONT]

I'd try to find a way of not repeating the same phrase twice, but it's too late for me to work out what I would say.

nimbo

Thanks -

So how about this then?

[FONT=&quot]8th August 2012 [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the position of part time sales assistant. I have always enjoyed working in roles working with customers, and feel that this is an enthusiasm that shows while on the shop floor. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have enclosed my CV to provide you with information on my qualifications, experience and previous employment. I am currently studying for a degree, and would like to find part time work to fit around these studies. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I have the necessary attributes in order for me to become a valued and productive member of your team. I have experience of cash handling, and have been trained on RIVA and EPOS till systems in the past. In previous roles I have also been involved with shop refits which although a demanding roles it was something I found to be rewarding.

I am a hard worker, who has experience of providing excellent quality customer service in demanding situations.

I am available for interview any time Monday to Friday, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours faithfully, [/FONT]





[FONT=&quot]Enc.[/FONT]

nimbo

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'd try to find a way of not repeating the same phrase twice, but it's too late for me to work out what I would say.

haha thanks for that I was merging two documents into one and I hadn't even noticed that!!!!

Wyndham

You're now WORKING in roles WORKING with customers, I think I'd change to 'I have always enjoyed working with customers', or 'I have always enjoyed roles working with customers'.

The second draft is certainly better!

nimbo

Hi my name is Nimbo and I don't proof read!!!!!

Thank you so much for all the help it really is appreciated.

ohreally

nimbo wrote: »

I am writing to apply

I would replace this with something more appropriate. Its kind of obvious you are applying, er, in writing.

Savvy_Sue

nimbo wrote: »

Hi my name is Nimbo and I don't proof read!!!!!

You may live to regret that, all the time you're job hunting. :rotfl:

If it's a role where being able to write matters, then I'm of the '3 mistakes and you're in the reject pile' school of shortlisting.

princessdon

I'd make it a bit more "personal" - I really like getting a feel of who they are - are they lively, a joker, serious etc

How about something like this (taking your style as the main ethos but choose your personality and make it shine through).

ie take 5 words that describe you (Not the job) and slot them in.

Dear Sir or Madam,

Please find enclosed my application for the position of part time sales assistant advertised on XX website.

I really enjoy the challenges of customer facing roles and my enthusiam and vibrant personality shines through in this area. I am personable, flexible, reliable and have an excellent sickness and punctuality record. I relate well to a wide vareity of audiences and see this skill as a postiive attribute for this role.

[FONT=&quot]I have enclosed my CV to provide you with information on my qualifications, experience and previous employment. [/FONT][FONT=&quot] I have experience of cash handling, training on RIVA and EPOS till systems and customer service. In previous roles I have also been involved with shop refits which although a demanding roles it was something I found to be rewarding. As an upbeat person I love new challenges and will always to my best to rise to them and exceed all expectations.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I am currently studying for a degree, and would like to find part time work to fit around these studies at the same time remaining as flexible as possible. I am available for interview any time Monday to Friday, and I look forward to hearing from you and would really welcome the opportunity to work for an organisation like yourselves or to discuss my CV in further detail at interview. [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Yours faithfully, [/FONT]