Help - in serious trouble.

mildred1978

Assuming you have a fairly standard car that does around 35 mpg, you're doing around 2500 miles a month!! Is that right?!

WeBeBroke

carslet wrote: »

you never had any money before, but you have 2 kids and 2 dogs?

totally no sympathy. you should have thought about all that first, you brought children into the world that you can't afford ....i waited for years until i was able to have a child, i would have loved to have had another but i simply could not really afford to,
i am sorry if i sound harsh,

That is very harsh - what if you'd waited and found out you couldn't have them because you'd waited so long? Yes children can be expensive but often (and in our case) they give you the kick in the backside you need to sort yourself out. OP has realised this, and is trying to sort their debt out. She's not asking for family planning help (and I really don't think that's any of your business at all and you should keep those opinions to yourself), she's asking for debt support.

Everhopeful09

carslet wrote: »

you never had any money before, but you have 2 kids and 2 dogs?

totally no sympathy. you should have thought about all that first, you brought children into the world that you can't afford ....i waited for years until i was able to have a child, i would have loved to have had another but i simply could not really afford to,
i am sorry if i sound harsh,

I read this as a little bit harsh, understand the point your making but if everyone waited to have enough money before having kids or whatever else it might be too late.


Cashlessmummy well done on posting and facing up to the situation. Hope you are enjoying time with your little ones and good luck on your journey. EH xx

carslet

WeBeBroke wrote: »

That is very harsh - what if you'd waited and found out you couldn't have them because you'd waited so long? Yes children can be expensive but often (and in our case) they give you the kick in the backside you need to sort yourself out. OP has realised this, and is trying to sort their debt out. She's not asking for family planning help (and I really don't think that's any of your business at all and you should keep those opinions to yourself), she's asking for debt support.

i have deleted my message it was too harsh, i do apologise, but my point should have been that having one child with money very tight, then having another has not been thought through enough

carslet

Everhopeful09 wrote: »

I read this as a little bit harsh, understand the point your making but if everyone waited to have enough money before having kids or whatever else it might be too late.


Cashlessmummy well done on posting and facing up to the situation. Hope you are enjoying time with your little ones and good luck on your journey. EH xx

i have deleted my message it was too harsh, i do apologise, but my point should have been that having one child with money very tight, then having another has not been thought through enough

mummy2threeboys

I gave up work as we couldnt afford childcare for me to work it whould have been my miniumum wage salery and an extra £400 a month. Personally id say stop the childcare/nursery for now, theres plenty of free baby/toddler activity, about so wee ones can get stimulation there (look up net mums), im sure you could find another nursery when shes older (not sure of your area but it's free from 3 years here).
We couldn't afford our 3rd child but he "happened" to us despite using contraception, and there no way i whould have terminated , sorry not everything is so black and white .
I wish you luck, it's very sad you can't enjoy your mat leave, hopefully you will be in a better place soonx

cashlessmummy

Thanks everyone who has been so supportive.

Carslet, everyone is entitled to their opinion - shame though you felt the need to formulate yours before having any real idea of our situation. Not that I need to justify myself but just for kicks:
-We have had our dogs for many years - our eldest pup is 10 now. We made a commitment to them when we got them and they are part of the family.
- Our second child was not planned but is very much loved and wanted. Having had a miscarriage previously I see any child as a gift, regardless of how difficult the resulting financial situation may be so can regret nothing. I would rather live in a box on the street with my babies than in a mansion alone.
Having clarified that, let me say that I do appreciate you retracting your post and apologising. I hope we can leave it there.

Anyway, to business! I have a call back due from CCCS tomorrow to discuss our options before we go to the bank. Basically my husband agreed the appointment at the bank as otherwise they were handing his unpaid credit card bill to a collection agency (apparently) but I agree with you dancingfairy I think they will either say they can do nothing or try to get us to take a really long term high interest secured loan.

We had a long discussion again last night and have definitely agreed we will not be moving - we simply won't have enough equity to pay off enough debt and still have a deposit for elsewhere. We also don't have the money to get the house to its best for the market in order to get a decent price for it. As we see it there is no point losing our home not to end up any better off!

Re: our cars, we have one small car (hubby is now driving this as it is cheaper to run and obviously I'm not doing the miles on mat leave!) and an estate car - not the most economical but useful for the kids and dogs and it was a car made available to us at a good price from someone we trust (at a time when we needed a replacement car urgently!). Hubby does 70 miles a day, 5 days a week and I do 50 miles a day 5 days a week - obviously this will drop if I'm able to drop some days at work. I also do community work and although I get reimbursed for the extra miles I have to have the money to put the petrol in the car to start with! Basically it costs me £10 a day just to drive to work - crap eh?! We can't move closer to work as we are currently only a mile from my parents who do childcare one day per week and also we work in opposite directions!

The other thing we have discussed is me changing jobs and moving to doing something evening or night based and being home with the kids in the day, cutting out the nursery. I'm lucky that I am qualified to do quite a lot of things. I would earn less but spend less on childcare and travel so be better off. It's a big decision though as I spent 4 years at uni trainng for my career and I won't have tiny children forever!

Thanks again for all the kind messages and I will keep you posted.

primaryteacher

Hello,

Just a thought - you mentioned you had a large-ish house... would you be able to take in a lodger? I think there are quite a lot of single young people who enjoy being part of a family set up and wouldn't necessarily see the kids/dogs as a negative. Also wondered if it would reduce costs if you had a live-in au pair instead of nursery costs - again if living in most of the cost is covered in providing for their overheads and wages for an au pair would be cheaper than nursery.
Whatever - best of luck, you sound as though you are a very practical and level-headed person.

cashlessmummy

Good idea in principle - not sure lodger would work though as our third bedroom is a box room, you can't get much in it other than a cot so not sure anyone would want to pay for such a tiny space and we couldn't fit both girls into it if we were to rent out the other double bedroom.

Hadn't thought about an au pair - might discuss that with hubby, thanks!

DreamerV

cashlessmummy wrote: »

Good idea in principle - not sure lodger would work though as our third bedroom is a box room, you can't get much in it other than a cot so not sure anyone would want to pay for such a tiny space and we couldn't fit both girls into it if we were to rent out the other double bedroom.

Hadn't thought about an au pair - might discuss that with hubby, thanks!

If the box room isn't big enough for anything more than a cot, I'm not sure it would be big enough for an au pair? Although, you'd be surprised what people will live in if the price is right. I rent out a spare room from time to time (big room so different situation) but once there was a lodger who was about to become a council tax payer (when I was exempt) so it made sense for her to move in with other council tax payers. She used to come back horrified looking at what people were charging for not great conditions, or for very small spaces. I'm sure your box room may be small to you, but could there be someone it is suitable for if you drop the price a little? I also recall my brother's room at uni...it was so small that his single bed was against the wall on 3 sides, and on the other side, the space was only enough to walk side on!