Decided to try to get debt free - from a shopaholic

DwainDibley

I've not posted here for nigh on four years, but looking at my current pretty awful financial situation I've decided enough's enough. I hope this is the right section to post this and that it's not off topic - I apologise if it is, mods please move/delete if this isn't appropriate.

I am coming out of the closet as a shopaholic - usually gadgets. I bought a phone I really didn't need a couple of weeks ago, and couldn't resist a secondhand iPod Touch a few days ago despite my bank account being pretty much empty only a few days after payday. Despite knowing I can't really afford these things I still buy them anyway - gives me a high but also feelings of guilt that I shouldn't have bought whatever it is. I can't just have one of anything either - radios is another thing, I must have at least 30 of the things - this is after a 'clearout', I did have over 50 recently. I tend to hide these purchases from my wife or use the 'oh this? I've had it ages' line or lie about how much something cost.

I've decided I really must do something about it now. I have a bank loan for nearly £10,000 still to pay which I originally took out for half that amount on an impulse buy of a car. Since then it's kept going up as I've 'consolidated' other debts into it. My credit card is about on it's limit of £3,750 and has been for a couple of years, I've only been able to afford the minimum payment of £100 or so during that time - and continued spending. Last month that payment was declined by my bank and it has been again so I'm now a couple of months in arrears. Despite this the desire to spend is still there, I've sold some things on Ebay but then end up using that money to buy more junk rather than paying off debts or using it to get through the month without a payday loan! As it stands I may need (another) payday loan just to get back on terms with my credit card payments.

I've made a first step - first using the guide/template from this website I'm going to try to claim back some of the PPI from the credit card company - I've had the card since 1999 and looking back I feel I was pressured into getting that PPI. If I win that money will be a good start to getting back on track financially and pay a few debts off. Also to try not to buy more stuff I don't actually need would be a good start lol.

Are there any specific forums apart from here to help support people going through this? I had a search for 'shopaholic' forums and couldn't find any? Is there any help available as I seem to do this when either feeling in a very good mood or very down... in fact I don't think I really need an excuse! I've even taken out payday loans in the past just to buy a Nintendo 3DS or a tablet PC then had that mixture of elation and guilty feelings when I got it.

Not sure if I should be venting here, I'm sure a mod will be along soon if this is not appropriate here! :eek:

Tixy

Hi and welcome back

This is the right place to post I'd say.

I don't think we have anything like a shopaholics section of the forum - but there are certainly a lot of people on here who will recognise themselves in your post in terms of buying things even when you know you do not need and cannot afford them.

Whilst it would be great to try to tackle what it is that makes you want to spend - sometimes in the first instance its better to focus not on stopping the desire to spend, but the ability to make those purchases, to get out of the habit of being able to buy luxuries when you see them.

How do you make your purchases? online? in shops? Could you maybe start by stopping carrying your cards with you? or cutting up your credit card to prevent further spending or giving it to your wife for safe keeping?

When you do buy second hand gadgets - do you sell them on again once you are bored of them (or have bought an upgraded one)? And if so do you tend to make back what you spent buying them?

If you are really ready to tackle things - how many of the 30 radios can you decide to sell?

Does your wife know the extent of your debts - and that you are taking out payday loans? If not would talking it through with her and explaining that you know things have to change help? It can be easier to tackle things together than alone.

I'm sure others will post with more advice.

DwainDibley

Thanks Tixy

Ironically I'm a psychiatric nurse but have had depression on and off for a while, the GP refers to it as 'reactive' depression. I'm not happy in this career and feel 'trapped' - I can't afford to retrain in something else, and not sure what I'd do for a career anyway! There aren't many of those around at the moment anyway I suspect that's part of the reason behind my spending, I've had low self-esteem for a while but won't bore you with the details!

I've managed to stop spending on the credit card (it's about at it's limit anyway) but instead go for payday loans, which can get into a 'vicious circle' of taking another out to pay for the shortfall in that month's wages caused by paying off the previous month's loan.

My wife knows about my debt levels but I do tend to hide new purchases or say I've had them a while. I'm going to have another chat with her again this evening, she's about at the end of her tether with me and my spending I suspect - hope I can stick to this and not end up in bad habits again.

I do tend to put unwanted/unused gadgets on Ebay, I tend to get back most of what I paid for them - though I've just sold 2 tablets that cost me just over £300 for not much more than £150 - then there's the fees to take off that total too! The problem is I then end up spending what I've just made on more gadgets I don't really need instead of on more sensible things. I can be quite stubborn at times and have tried to stop spending before and failed.

Thanks for your advice, much appreciated

Tixy

DwainDibley wrote: »

I'm not happy in this career and feel 'trapped' - I can't afford to retrain in something else, and not sure what I'd do for a career anyway!

Gadget tester/reviewer?

More seriously - its good to hear that you have spoken to your GP at least.

And try to be totally open with your wife so she can help - even if its the case of telling you to consider taking back things you've purchased when you come home with something new.

Good luck with tackling things - I am sure it won't be easy but will be worth it to get on top of everything. If you can get in control of your finanes you might then feel more in control of other aspects of your life.

Have you considered talking to one of the debt charities regarding the debts and payday loans? if your right at your limits and cannot repay them without borrowing more you could consider whether a DMP would suit you - which would help you get on top of your current debts - but also mean you were unable to take out more payday loans etc and so force you to live within your means?

DwainDibley

What's a DMP? I might look into if there are any of those debt charities round my area. It does seem currently that most of my salary goes straight out in loans/debt - and what's left I spend on silly things!

Tixy

A debt management plan. Basically they help you work out what you can afford on debt repayments a month - and then you pay the charity each month and they share it between your creditors. They'll also ask your creditors to freeze interest (they don't have to but often will if there is one of the charities involved).

It does have drawbacks - it affects your credit file and you cannot take out more credit until the debts are repaid - but it could be worth thinking about it as an option and the charities will be the best to advise you on that.
CCCS who are well recommended on here do everything online/by phone so cover the whole of the UK.

DwainDibley

I'm going to look into this, going to get some debt counselling too. As you suggest I'd like to find out why I behave like I do, it's quite self-destructive behaviour both financially for me and my relationships with others, especially my wife.

I've been looking on the debt support trust's website, been trying to fill in their debt analyser thing but it keeps crashing. Will try it again tomorrow.

heartbreak_star

All the advice you have been given is sound, hope you can get it sorted.

I wish you well!

HBS x

bargainbetty

Breaking any habit (or letting go of the comfort blankie) is incredibly hard. I still have the occasional urge to buy things I don't need to get the retail high!

However, as with most habits you can do it. It's a question of finding your triggers and working to lessen them. If you sell on eBay and then rebuy, how about trying to set up a 2-4-1 deal with yourself? You have to sell two items and can spend half the money - the rest has to go against your debt. Do it the instant you receive the money, pay the card down, and then you have your pocket money.

If you try to go cold turkey, you are likely to fall off the wagon spectacularly (nine pairs of shoes in one day was mine). Take baby steps and move towards reducing your dependency on the purchase 'rush'. Take up a hobby (running or swimming perhaps) and limit your time at the shops/online.

It will only make small dents in your debt at first, but it will also stop increasing it. Allow yourself a set amount per month, plus half your eBay earnings and make it a challenge to find something you really can use, rather than just fancy having a try of?

If you do go for a DMP, you will not be able to obtain credit for six years. If you do, it can invalidate the deals - so you will have to give up payday loans. You will have to find a way to control your spending at least, as your budget will be pretty fixed.

I wish you luck x

pepperpot22_2

Oh dear, I recognise the 'old me' in that post :eek:

I managed to rack up about £24k of debts on credit cards and a loan. Mostly from unnecessary impulse spending to get the high from buying something.

After burying my head in the sand and making some half hearted attempts at clearing the debts, my real wake up call to do something was when the CC companies started reducing my credit limits, I was refused consolidation loans but most of all some of the CC companies started making mistakes with payments I'd made to my accounts (e.g Santander cashing a cheque payment but not crediting it to my account, and Mint cashing a cheque for 10 times the amount it was written out for to name a couple :mad::mad:). It made me realise that the credit supply wasn't limitless, the CC would turn nasty at the merest sniff of you having trouble paying and that despite earning a decent amount I wasn't able to benefit from this as most of my money was tied up paying debts. Deffo not worth the rush from buying stuff.

So, I went back to basics, only buying essentials except for a very small 'treat allowance'. The funny thing was although it could sometimes be a bit boring I was actually much happier with less stuff.

But after about 3 years of reducing the debts when the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy package came up, I took it to clear these debts once and for all. A bit risky, but I my particular circumstances, not a huge risk. I got another (but less well paid) job straight away and I am now debt free. I have completely changed in my spending habits; I don't buy clothes or gadgets I don't need. I always think - do I really need this? My only weakness is buying books now, but that is never going to get out of hand as this can be managed by buying cheapo secondhand books:laugh: I will never, ever go back to being the old shopaholic me as I know I made a big sacrifice giving up I job I enjoyed and remember the bad old days of most of my pay going on debts and having to speak to vile people in CC call centres after they messed my account up!!

I now get a kick out of NOT spending money, have just got a better paid job and have recently got £4k from a PPI compensation payment (with some more claims pending) so for the first time in a eternity have some SAVINGS!

My advice:
- Get a kick out of spending as little as possible
- Always ask 'do I need this or do I want this before buying' . If it's 'want' - don't buy.
- Give yourself a very small allowance for buying 'treats'. NEVER spend more than this.
- Pay for everything using cash as far as possible. Handing over cash is much more painful than paying on plastic. Plus you can draw out a strict weekly allowance of cash and once it's gone, it's gone.

fantastiyk

While this is a great place for debt advice and support, the wording of your posts makes me feel you have to tackle the very serious issue of why you overspend. It seems more compulsive than any of the others that I've read on here.
When I knew I had to start dealing with my debt, I identified that I spent because I wanted to prove to myself that I really deserved to have things, so deep down I believed I didn't deserve. I used EFT tapping to work through my issues and now I know the difference between deserving something and being able to afford it. Just because I don't have the money for things, doesn't mean I'm not a good person - in the past I had this deserving stuff really mixed up.
If it seems like your thing, google eft - there's lots of free info on the internet about it and a free manual - you just need to do the work.
Good luck with it.