I am so ashamed....

DazBob

I have for the last 4 years tried to support and help my loved ones, whilst an ex-wife took me for her un-fair share..... and I now find myself with approx £50,000 of debt and then to top it off I lost my job.....

I just sit crying and not knowing what to do, credit cards, mortgage all with huge interest rates that I am drowning with.....

I have some really low and dark days that I consider EVERY option.

This is my first step, admission.... any help would be appreciated...

DS4215

The most important thing to remember is that it is only money. The worst case is you go bankrupt, write off your debts and start again with a clean slate. No matter how much you owe, there are people owing more and with less income.

Take some time, sit down and complete a SOA and people will be able to advise you how to proceed. If you want to talk to someone about the debts, try CCCS or National Debtline, or if things are getting too much try Samaritans.

billinghamfan

I would suggest contact the national debtline/CCCS or payplan and they will be able to advice the best course of action.

Also please go and see your doctor!

nfollows1982

I would say the doctors would be my absoulte priority right now - you need to get control of yourself emotionally first.

It might be a lot of debt and it might seem like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but there are lots of options, but you need to be thinking clearly before you enter into it all.

Please go and see your doctor

sickasachip13

Hey Daz,

Your well-being is number one priority. Do you need support beyond the debt issue? If so, go to your gp and ask for the help you deserve.

There's nothing to be ashamed of. I mea, blimey, you're being put through the mill by life, don't add to it by beating yourself up.

As DS said earlier, it is only money, I know it doesn't feel like it now, but it is, and if you don't have it then they can't have theirs back!

Definitely talk to someone and formulate a plan. Taking small steps and getting some control will probably make you feel a lot better.

Go to CCCS or Payplan or ring National Debtline. CCCS have an online debt remedy tool you can do to see your options. BTW, I did a blog about going on a debt management plan with CCCS, I was at rock bottom when we went on it, I remember the sleepless nights, the fear and anxiety well, it's a horrible place to be. You can read it here if you like: http://moneyaware.co.uk/2011/09/my-debt-hell/

Onwards and upwards mate
SAAC

wannabee_in_credit

Agree with the others - go to the doctors asap and get the first steps of help healthwise. You won't feel better immediately but it's a step in the right direction.
Same with the debt thing - talk to someone who can help (I recommend CCCS/Payplan/National Debtline). You won't feel better immediately, but it's steps in the right direction. They will advise you on the best course of action for your situation.
Remember, Martin says that he's never seen a money issue that couldn't be sorted out. You're not the first, you won't be the last, and there are more of us struggling with debt than people would think (similar to depression - quite common but not really talked about).
I wish you good luck.

Hatecreditors.com

In times like this I would say ‘what is the worst that can happen’. And in your case it’s going bankrupt – so what. Go bankrupt, have a clean slate.

One of your comments stood out ‘…helping out LOVED ONES’. They’re the ones that matter, not the banks and the money they’re due.

Time_to_face_the_music

Hi DazBob :wave:

I just want to reiterate what others have already said here.

Money is not important, people are. Your loved ones need you, not your money.

It may not feel like it at the moment but this can be sorted. Get some advice as soon as possible from a non-fee charging company like the Citizens Advice Bureau, National Debtline, CCCS, Payplan or Christians Against Poverty.

If you feel you need it, get to your doctors and get some help for your depression too but you may find that as the debt problem gets sorted, this will ease on its own. I suffered from constant insomnia and panic attacks until we started our DMP, not once since.

Back to the mantra, people not money, that is really what you need to keep in mind. Good luck and please let us know how you get on

Lensman_2

Been there myself. I am not out of the woods by any means but here are a couple of things I have learned on my journey.

1. A credit rating is not worth dying for. It is not even worth missing meals for. If you cannot afford your unsecured debts, then stop paying them (this was a massive release for me as I has previously been struggling for years and was failing to buy food for me and the cats just to keep my credit rating up). Pay rent/mortgage, council tax and utilities if you can. If you can't then treat these as the important ones and get them sorted ASAP.

2. Get up tomorrow morning and count the number of eyes, arms, legs etc you still have. Counts of 2 means you are doing well. Lots of people can't do this. Repeat this every morning. (It might read a bit flippant, but this helped me to appreciate what I still have. Which was quite a lot when you look around...)

3. It is only money. Using your arms, eyes and legs go for a walk. A long one. You reach a point where money gets left behind (about mile 2 for me) and this grants you temporary relief from the stress and misery - typically another 5 miles or two hours. Appreciate that even huge, impossible looking debts cannot stop you enjoying the sun on your head and the breeze in your face.

Know that you cannot go to prison for normal debts (but keep up with the council tax). That bailiffs will not appear when you stop paying your debts. And that the people in my signature will provide substantial help for free.

That you are not alone one here.

And that it is not your fault.

Good luck and please keep us posted.

(My apologies if you are disabled re point 2. I am lucky that I am not).

jenevieve

Hi Dazbob,

Please don't feel ashamed. You have taken the very brave step of asking for help and you are in good company. As dire as things feel right now, there is a way through this and you'll get more support and help than you can shake a stick at.
Lensman's advice is great and true.

Please contact CCCS or Debtline. I was so scared when I first called them but they couldn't have been nicer. YOU are far more important than money so please take care of yourself.

J

CashRequired

Hi Dazbob, you're not alone in your situation, there are lots of people like you that end up in this position, there is no need to feel ashamed sometimes things happen in life like this. You will be a stronger person for going through these issues.

Id also say contact CCCS, or speak to close friends or family and let people help you.