Partner ran up £12K debt for the 2nd time

greenflamingo_2

When I met my partner he came complete with a large black bin bag full of unopened demands for credit card payments. I did not know about this problem until we moved in together. When we took out a mortgage I was told that my partners credit record was not too good but the mortgage advisor did not go into details obviously. At the time he refused to discuss this and at one stage I was paying all the bills and mortgage as he was very reluctant to open a joint bank account. At the time I was working and could afford to do this and as the relationship was important to me I did not want to rock the boat. Eventually he admitted his debts and I cleared them off by taking over the payments when he agreed to have a joint bank account.

This was 10 years ago and I thought we had seen the back of serious problems - although during the interim he has lost lots of money on the stock market but refuses to stop trading even though he is now £1K in debt on that account. He refuses to take out a company credit card for his business expenses and we use our own and have to reclaim the monies back from his employer when he goes away on trips. I never see the receipts or paperwork. I now suspect he doesnt want his employer to know his credit history, which they would if he had a company credit card.

Recently we became engaged and are due to be married in December (we have two young children and I no longer work). This morning I opened a letter by mistake and found it was a credit card statement for £12K, which mentions missed payments, interest and increasing his limit. there are no intemised purchases. To say I feel shocked and ill is an understatement. I have just paid the final payment on our wedding cruise and one of our bridesmaids has paid for her cruise. The second one hasnt paid yet but is paying in a couple of weeks - both direct to the cruise company.

He has been acting suspiciously - always rushing to collect letters before me, and recently taking £200 out of our joint bank account saying it was for his trading account on the stock market and he would pay it back. Looking at the credit card statement I see a payment of £200 was paid a few days ago!

He is the sole earner in our household and earns quite a good salary but seems to have problems with amassing debt, missing payments and being very secretative about it. It is very difficult to get him to admit to debt or to talk about his feelings.

I am now quite worried about the credit card company continuously raising his credit limit, him not paying or late paying and the whole saga.

Should I mention this to him, I am worried if I do not he will continue along with this behaviour until the debt becomes too much and could jeopardise our home.

We have two ISAS - both obviously in our own names and a joint bank account. I dont think he would take money without telling me but I now feel quite vulnerable and worried.

Also I am thinking about cancelling the wedding - I really do not know what to do?

JonnyBravo

greenflamingo wrote: »

Also I am thinking about cancelling the wedding - I really do not know what to do?

Oh flip.
Whilst it is early to be talking of cancelling the wedding IMO I'd say it defintely is time for a chat where you present what you've learnt.
He will, of course, accuse you of being dishonest etc by having opened his mail. This will be just to deflect from the fact he's not honest with you about his trouble of dealing with money. Don't let him convince you it's your problem.
Time for you to lay it out about what you expect and to see where you get to.
You need to do this asap IMO as it will take quite some time for everything that comes up to get sorted. It's going to be a rocky few weeks.... but that's better than a rocky few years if you both don't sort out and agree how you want this relationship to work.

JustinCredibleGillespie

Aw god not a very nice situation to find yourself in

I think JB is right, a serious chat is on the cards. Try & stay calm. Your H2B needs to lay it all out and tell you the truth, the whole truth & nothing but the truth. Your about to enter into a marriage, altho I see you've been together for 10 yrs already. I think your going to have to solely take over the finances and find out exactly what kind of mess he has put you both in.

Big Hugs!

JCG

xx

sugarcube84

Time for a sit down and an open and honest chat about this, don't be too hasty if you love him and want to work things out you need to be frank about the finances.

If it were me i would take control of the money, just because he earns it doesn't mean you can't control it.However it doesn't mean this couldn't happen again as he could still take out credit cards. You need to find out why it happened can he not budget? i'm sure you could sort this out if you took control or does he want to live beyond his means. If its the second i would say it is much harder to rein in.

Good luck!

HappyMJ

I would close the joint bank account and seperate yourselves financially.

Taking over his money might not be acceptable to him (it wouldn't for me). So you need to come to some sort of agreement that ensures all of the household bills are paid so your joint property is not at risk from what really is gambling on the stock market. You need to ensure when he is paid that all the money the family need to pay all the bills is transferred to your bills account in both your names so the bills are paid when they fall due. That account should have no debit card or chequebook access and no overdraft (so you aren't linked in credit reference agencies) and should require both your signatures for any withdrawals or any direct debits. The amount he transfers should be equal to all the direct debits for the next month so there should be no reason to withdraw from it.

Once you have seperated yourself financially if he wishes to destroy his own credit then let him. No further credit will be granted to him and your credit will also be safe.

Your home will not be in jeopardy but make sure you have enough money set aside to buy him out if he were ever to be declared bankrupt.

sistafromanothermista

I agree. A sit down and a serious chat before this spirals. What would worry me more is the fact he is lying! not good foundations for a marriage...