Being signed off sick with depression...

Jo_R_2

Hi all

I've been at my job for about two and a half years. Been doing well, good reviews, good rapport with manager and line manager, the team get on well and supportive of each other.

I've recently been having some problems at work (which have posted about a little while ago) and after problems at home now I have just become a single parent. I was thinking of looking elsewhere because my work travel time has more than doubled since I was relocated last year and with having the children I was worried I would have problems if I had an early start at work as they are only booked in at nursery from 8am. However since being on my own, I have decided to stick with where I am, I do like the job and there are promotion opportunities for me if I stay, plus they are very flexible which really helps.

With all the problems, I have been feeling very low, but managing. You know how it is when you have kids, the routine goes on and you get so caught up that you don't often have time to think about how you are actually feeling? Well it has caught up with me now and I think I am depressed. My youngest is 8 months and with the first, I had a nasty bout of postnatal illness, and despite doing everything I can to prevent it this time I am arriving there again

I had agreed with my line manager last week that taking some time off would be beneficial. However I am due to go into work shortly and the thought of leaving the house is difficult. I have spoken to my GP briefly about it last time I saw him and he is worried that diagnosing depression and stress causes more problems than it solves with work. However I am of the opinion that as it is starting to interfere with work then it may be the best option until I can sort my head out.

I told work when I applied for the job that I had suffered postnatal illness under the absence section of the application form and it didn't bother them at all (I had a couple of months off work from my last job because of it.) Do you think considering my situation it would be harmful to be signed off with depression? Do you think it makes a difference if it is postnatal or not? (I think it would do but I'm not a HR person so just speculating.) Up until I found out I was pregnant with #2 I was seeing the GP as I was depressed and we hadn't decided if it was a continuation of my postnatal illness (DD1 was just under two years when I found out I was pg) or just "normal" depression.

dmg24

Hi Jo,

Did you make it into work today? If so, hope it went ok. If not, please don't worry too much.

Although they should treat it just the same as any other condition, some employers can react badly too a diagnosis of depression. However, it does sound like yours are quite supportive, and the fact that you were honest them about your previous time off work should go in your benefit.

My biggest concern from what you have written is the attitude of your GP. I think he has your best intentions at heart, but he should be telling you to focus on getting well, not worrying you even more about what work will say.

I have tackled depression over many years, and like you, have always been upfront about it with employers. My GP is fantastic, really supportive, but on several occasions has told me not to even think about what work think until I am well enough to deal with them. Difficult not to think about it, but definitely the best thing for you.

Best of luck with everything, and let us know how you get on x

Jo_R_2

I did make it into work eventually, I spent an hour deliberating over whether to go, what I would say to my manager then just went. Actually had a good day but today was my day off and not been feeling great again

My GP is great but he is really concerned over what the effects of a diagnosis of depression can do in the workplace. However I think the fact that last time I saw him I broke down and said how much work was getting to me probably only served to confirm how I was feeling!

Tbh I can't see any other way of dealing with things. It worries me that I am going to leave them in the lurch if I get signed off as we are so busy right now but I will have to take it as it comes, I need to be well for my LOs.

dmg24

I know it is difficult, but really try not to worry about leaving them in the lurch at work. You need to focus on yourself at the moment, and they need to give you the time to do that.

With regards to the view of depression in the workplace, I have wrestled with this problem for years. My feeling is that if my employer doesn't like it, then they are not the employer for me. You will find that some employers are quite open to you having had problems, and think that you are a better person for having come through your difficult time. Hopefully this applies to yours.

I really would say that you need to do what is right for you and the children, and that what anybody else says or thinks is their problem.

I'm sure you'll make the right decision (so I think you have already made it?) x

mummymania

Hi Jo

Would you feel confident enough to have a word with your line manager and tell her how you feel at the moment?

If your youngest is 8mth then it is possible it is pni - do you still see your health visitor? I would not worry about about the 'consequences' of the work situation - it shouldn't matter whether you are off with depression or a broken leg and I'm shocked by what your gp has said.

I work for a cmht (community mental health team) and most of our staff are off with depression !! (nature of the job) but everyone is sympathetic and caring when they return to work.

What I would be worried about from what you have said, is that if you have some time off then you may find it harder to return? I say this because I am the same. I have had depression since my yongest was born 4 yrs ago and if I have some time off work (even if its annual leave!) I find it reallly hard and scary to return and get anxious.

pm me if you like.
take care
Una x

Jo_R_2

Well again I wrestled with whether I could get to work today. I did have a doctor's appointment for today but I moved it to tomorrow as I didn't want to let clients down again. I work with adults with a learning disability supporting them to find work and the relationship that you form working in this kind of role means they come to rely on you, and I hate letting them down. One client has an interview this week and I felt I couldn't not go because then he would have no interview preparation and no-one to support him at interview the day after. I did feel better getting outside so have decided I will do my very best to get in tomorrow, then go to the doctor's later on and take it from there.

dmg24 - I think I am worried if it should come to ever wanting to apply for another job. I know employers usually ask about a specific time period, eg the last year or two years, as I mentioned I am planning to stay there for a while but am worried about if I should change my mind.

mummymania - I actually saw a CMH worker a while ago just before I found out I was pg with DD2. I really liked the idea of what they do, just found that what she was telling me I already knew, self-help stuff and the like. I am going to contact my HV, I do still see her and soon it will be DD2's development check so I shall chat to her then, she was absolutely great when I had PNI with DD1 and referred me to the psychiatric unit at the hospital and used to come round every week to let me talk at her for an hour - I so needed that at the time.

babyboo42

Hi Jo,hope you're feeling better. I read your post and was touched by it and wanted to try and help. I worked in HR for many years and attitudes to depression are slowly changing. My advice is simple:you need to do whatever you need to do for yourself and your lil uns.You will get no Brownie points for struggling in to work,and who knows what the future might hold as regards changing jobs?What matters is you and your children.
If your GP is prepared to sign you off to give you much needed headspace then take it hun.
Your current employers took you on knowing about your previous depression and so will another employer if they are the right employer for you.Just be honest about it and if it puts them off you then the loss is theirs not yours.
Please please take care xx

Jo_R_2

babyboo42 wrote: »

Hi Jo,hope you're feeling better. I read your post and was touched by it and wanted to try and help. I worked in HR for many years and attitudes to depression are slowly changing.

Hi babyboo, thankyou for your reply. I saw a doctor last week and she signed me off for two weeks... She wasn't my usual doctor but she knows my GP and was very respectful of what he'd written in his notes. She was lovely, I always feel that with stress and depression I'm a bit of a fraud going into the doctors, like I'm trying to convince them of how I feel - don't know why because they've always taken me seriously.

Anyhow I'm using these two weeks to sort all my loose ends out, get some benefits sorted, declutter, generally get some physical and mental headspace. Work were fine and asked if they could do anything, I have handed over my clients with notes about what I have been doing with them and what needs doing so I feel everything is nice and neat with that.

I still worry a little about the 'stigma' of depression but you are right, I need to do what's best for me and my girls. Hopefully I will have this time and it will refresh me, give me the break I need to get my head together and might head off some of these bad feelings I have been having. If not, I have another appointment the day my sick note ends to see my usual GP, and there is the option of antidepressants and possibly more time off work if I should need it - hopefully not but I will do what is best for me. I do find the routine of work helpful at times.

RibenaBerry_2

I think that the view of employers on depression depends very much on the background of the employee in question. If, as you sound, you are an honest and committed employee who happens to suffer from the illness of depression, I think that they are ususally pretty good.

Where they get cynical is where an employee, with no history of illness, suddenly gets ill with 'work related stress and depression' when they receive a performance warning or hear that their department is being restructured - and says that they want a massive exit package as a result.

You are not in that group, and your employer knows that. They know that you've been ill before. They will be aware that you've been struggling in recently. My top tips would be to keep them as up to date as you can (i.e. if you need more time off, try to call and speak to someone, or write a covering note, don't just shove the sick note in the post on its own) and keep communication open. I know it can be tough when you're feeling s***, but if they hear from you once in a while, they will feel that you are committed to getting better and coming back. Knowing that you feel positive about the future helps them to feel positive too.

On a more personal note, I hope that you feel better soon. If, after the first fortnight, you don't feel fully better, do think about return to work options. It might be discussing with your doctor the possibility of a short period of reduced hours, or a phased return to work.