Son calling uncle 'dada'??

wiggywoo9

Hi

My younger sister's fiance/boyfriend, who we refer to as Uncle, spends a lot of time with our family, and has got a strong bond with my son (there's just girls in our home plus my son). I'm a lone parent anyway, having split with long-term ex two weeks into pregnancy. I don't mind the bond, as its a man thing I think, and my sister's with them anyway if they play.

However, my son is 13 months old and learning to talk. He has called his uncle 'dada', assumably because he's seen no other man around. We don't encourage it and its awkward. My sister's now pregnant, so it could get very confusing, with my son thinking his 'dada' has had a 'baba' with my sister!

I'm not sure how to handle this. Soon he's going to ask where his daddy is- what is the best way to tackle it? His dad wants no contact though I've tried to initiate it several times. He lives just up the road, stupidly enough, and hasn't paid towards his son or offered any support. He's officially off the scene so how do I explain it to my son?

Note: I'm not likely to get a new partner soon either, so it will be just me and him. I don't EVER want him to feel like us two isn't enough though.

Taadaa

My nephew called our dad dad as well if that makes sense. We corrected him subtlely, so if he said 'dad said...' we would repeat 'granddad said...'

As for the dad thing..not sure what my sister said tbh. Very young children dont need a detailed explanation though, he will accept a simple answer for now - he lives somewhere else, for example. Deal with the 'why' bit when he asks.

kingfisherblue

The 'dada' sound is an easy one for little ones to make. Don't make an issue of it, but as Taadaa says, gently correct your son. If he directly calls his uncle dada, for example when he comes into the house, you could say something along the lines of 'well done, Uncle Tom has come to see us'. that way, you are reinforcing who the adult is, and not being negative in telling your son. Repeating the name of your sister's boyfriend might also lead to your son giving him a name within his own limits of his developing language - so he might be able to say 'Om' instead of Tom (Uncle is quite a difficult word for a tot). Obviously I don't know the uncle's name, but I'm sure you get the idea.

I used to call my sister Lelly, as I couldn't pronounce Lesley.

krlyr

Is he really calling the uncle dada, or does he just so happen to be babbling in babytalk and says something that sounds like dada? I would, just like others have suggested, keep using "Uncle Tom" (well, relevant name) in conversation until he picks it up.

rachbc

dada is one of the first verbalisations a young child can make - it has no meaning to him as 'daddy' - he certainly won't be calling him daddy cos he's the only man around as he won't have any concept of a male being a dad.

as long as you keep calling uncle uncle he won't get confused. My dd spent the first year of talking calling her dad by his name as thats what me and my son call him

amus

DS1 and DS2 first 'words' were dada but they had no concept of the actual meaning they were just saying it.

Like others have said if you have never used the word 'Dada' to describe a male then it is very unlikely he is using the term with knowledge of the meaning.

mumto2boys

I have a 16 month old and a nearly 3 year old, the baby calls his daddy dada, but if i point to his 3 year old brother and say who is that, he says dada too, he knows i am mama but everyone else is dada to him, even the cat!

Kittendreich

Lots of little kids think all female adults are mums and male adults dads - they don't mean anything by it, they just haven't learned all the different titles we have for different grown ups. Try not to worry about it (he will have no idea until he is much older that he is 'supposed' to have a dad - every kid thinks their life is 'normal' until they are older and learn that everyone has different experiences). Just keep calling uncle Tom, uncle Tom (even bring it into games - "give this to/where is uncle Tom" etc - which will give him the opportunity to learn).

Piggles12345

I don't have kids so I'm not coming from a particularly informed perspective but I thought I'd add my tuppence worth!

I grew up in a house with my mum, dad and grandad. From when I could speak I just copied my mum's naming of people so started calling my grandad 'dad' and my dad by his first name, let's say it was Trevor.

Growing up and into adulthood I've ALWAYS called me dad Trevor and my grandad 'dad'. It didn't mean I thought my grandad was my dad or my dad was just some random bloke... they were just names. Plus, my mum would always refer to my dad as 'your dad' and my grandad as 'grandad' when talking about them to me but I'd still use 'dad' and 'Trevor' when addressing them. For example, my mum would say 'give this to your grandad' and I'd go outside shouting 'daaaaad'.

So I wouldn't worry. As long as your son knows that 'dadda' is his uncle (i.e. your sister's partner, his cousins' dad) then I don't see why it should ever be an issue.

My family got so used to it that when I used to say 'dad' my dad (aka Trevor) never even looked up! We did get some funny looks in Safeway though!

As I said, I'm not a parent but this thread just resonated with my own experience.

peachyprice

Da da are the first sounds most babies make and will aim it at anyone who will listen. Your 13 month old will have no concept that that's what other 13 month olds call their father, it's just an easy sound for him to make. It's grown ups who then condition them to make that sound to get their father's attention.

He'll soon learn new sounds and will learn that your brother in law will respond to a different sound.

As for asking where his daddy is, he doesn't know that other children may have mummies and daddies, he only knows his life and will see that as perfectly normal, he probably won't even realise that most other children have both until he goes to school.

stiltwalker

Both mine have been quite distinct about muma and dada however DD (3) had communication difficulties and there's only really me that understands much of what she says anyway and it takes her a long while to get names and even then they are indistinct. But my friend's little boy went through a phase of calling everyone 'dada' - including his mum!