Newbie needs advice

Newbeginins

My husband revealed lastnight that we owe 11,000 on credit card. My financial apathy have allowed this to happen and unfortunately he doesn't see a problem with having credit card debt!!!!!! whereas I want us to get it sorted asap. I do love him but am feeling ready to leave/physically harm him or possibly both.
How can I make him see that making 400 pounds plus mnthly payments to CC comapany is a waste of "family money".

Gordon_Hose

Regardless whether it's a waste of money, the card will need paying. Only way to sort it is to cut up the card so it can't be used and start paying off the debt.

ss3n08

Can you take firm control of the family finances? Did you know that you had a credit card or was it a complete secret?

Newbeginins

Where do I begin making him see that it needs dealing with without causing a massive fallout or making him feel inadequate?? He actually said "most people have debts, it's not a big deal!!", but he knows I feel differently. BTW I took the card off him lastnight. I knew we had the card but each time there was a "big" spend I only agreed to use the card on the provision that it would be paid in full asap.

McKneff

What did he run up the debts on.

Gambling, household things, holidays

Gordon_Hose

To be fair, there's nothing to stop him getting more credit cards other than the respect he has for your feelings about the situation.

You can't FORCE him to stop running up a debt.

I think the only way to deal with it is to take the bull by the horns and stop worrying about in bruised ego or battered masculinity. He's already lied to you for however long.

McKneff makes a good point. If he's got an £11k debt what's he spent it on? Did you not notice expensive things turning up in the house etc?

XXSCOTSLASSXX

Newbeginins wrote: »

Where do I begin making him see that it needs dealing with without causing a massive fallout or making him feel inadequate??

really unsure what you mean by this your posts are contradictory... in the 1st post u state "How can I make him see that making 400 pounds plus mnthly payments to CC comapany is a waste of "family money". As Gordon said whether you see it as a waste of money or not it needs to be paid and he has been paying it, confused as to what your plan to 'deal' with it is that doesnt involve using any "family money".......

Newbeginins

XXSCOTSLASSXX wrote: »

really unsure what you mean by this your posts are contradictory... in the 1st post u state "How can I make him see that making 400 pounds plus mnthly payments to CC comapany is a waste of "family money". As Gordon said whether you see it as a waste of money or not it needs to be paid and he has been paying it, confused as to what your plan to 'deal' with it is that doesnt involve using any "family money".......

Sorry for the confusion,,,,, what i meant was the 400 could actually be used on the family ONCE we pay back the debt. It's money that could be better spent.

ss3n08

I suppose she may mean that instead of saving the money, that money now has to be spent clearing debts. Its not a nice thing to do (it is a necessary thing to do) especially when you were not aware of the debts to begin with.

You really do need to find out where that money has gone though. If it hasnt been spent secretly then you must of known you were living beyond your means and you may wish to take a look at your spending habit too. I dont mean to sound harsh, just honest x

Newbeginins

Gordon_Hose wrote: »

To be fair, there's nothing to stop him getting more credit cards other than the respect he has for your feelings about the situation.

You can't FORCE him to stop running up a debt.

I think the only way to deal with it is to take the bull by the horns and stop worrying about in bruised ego or battered masculinity. He's already lied to you for however long.

McKneff makes a good point. If he's got an £11k debt what's he spent it on? Did you not notice expensive things turning up in the house etc?

Mainly on the family( christmas, holidays, days out etc), but many expenses were lied about i.e I say" how can we afford that?", he says "No problem, have bonus, overtime pay, will pay it off when bills arrive!"

Newbeginins

McKneff wrote: »

What did he run up the debts on.

Gambling, household things, holidays

No gambling but he likes to have "stuff" when he wants it and often I feel guilty as I'm often saying NO, he negotiates how and why we can afford "treats" and as he's the breadwinner... I cave in. I'm accepting my blame in this and want to fix it, he can't see a problem.