My Search for Catharsis

Factory_Pilot

Dear Diary,
A lot has happened in the last few years. The Epiphony of my LBM happened with the realisation of my problems and the life and lifestyle I wanted leading to a change now for the better.

Being my first post I need to clear the air and have a bit of a confessional. Writing down the path that has taken me here and the path I choose to walk in the future will be of great benefit, so if anyone does read this, please bear with me and I apologise.

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My story started in 2009 when I completed a 4 year Engineering degree in Sheffield. This really was a great time, living independant, great friends and a life I never before knew existed (sorry for the cliche). I was healthier and happier then I had ever been.

During my course I opted for a year in industry, which was based in Cambridge. I lived within my means until I found some kindred spirits and started to spend and keep up with them.

One of my passions is bikes, I love adrenalin/extreme sports and as such, equipment comes at a price. A sport where 2k frames 1.4k forks are not uncommon and where equipment can really make a difference. A broken bike means you miss out on that weeks ride and your friends with it.

I went from having the minimum student loan to £3.5k on credit during my first propper paid job. I was supposed to be earning, and managed to massively overspend in 1 year!!

The final year back at university saw me attain the graduate status I was looking for and make some amazing long term friends. But I made decisions based on whether to eat for a month, or upgrade my brakes. The fact that I am on here probably means you can guess which I opted for.

Then I injurred myself.

Exams over, we went tripping round the coutry, but all went wrong and I had a bad crash. Collar bone broken in two places, NHS were less than helpful (singed me off the National Insurance list/preveted from getting a job) and the recession hit.

9 months, 10 bolts, a section of hip and a titanium plate later I was repaired, recovering and searching for work on crutches and in a sling.

Found a low paid job, with debts from being broken, university, maitaining a long distance relationship, all was finally looking up.

But I had made the decision in my head to spend, as I'd earnt it. The shame and how I could possibly justify this now, I still feel terrible about.

A new laptop, 2 new (2nd hand) bikes, home theatre, alpine holidays and continuing going round the country, long distance relatinoships and a dodgy car (I made Sally traffic one night) all compiled and in 2010 I had accrued 10k in debt.2.5k overdraft. And spent 50% of my inheritance on a car for my job. I felt and still feel genuinely asshamed of what I had done and the lessons taught to me by my father.

This was my moment to shine and take charge.

I began to repay what I owed and build on a future which included settling down with the GF, buying a house together.

To this day, I have 19k saved for a house deposit, and debts of 6.5k left.

I had been spending/saving/buying things in equal measure and kept this all secret. I had a life that I am proud of and was heading in the right direction.

But on the 29th of May my boss made a phone call from over the pond, announcing the site closure and all of us redundent in 30days.

My financial plans are now all !!!!!!ed.

I had planned to be DFD in September (end of 0% card) saving for a 20% deposit for the first house, a gleaming credit record and a new career.

At this juncture, the future is far from clear.

I decided to make this diary for myself in search of catharsis and a move forward to brigter and better things. A rashionale of my decisions and tracking my search for a solution to my uncertain financial future.

For now, signing off to return soon.

Factory_Pilot

Well, its been a few years since my search for catharsis and I have to say I've been back to my post a few times along the way to make sure I'm heading in the right direction.

Coming to terms with my mistakes (life experiences) I now see money as a tool to live your life and managing assests as well just having money and using the money to benefit others as well as myself.

I am still to buy a house (biggest regret), gainfuly employed in a much better job and still in a long distance relationship. Some things don't change.......

And my finances, well lets just say my excel sheets track everything. Future, past, current, graphs, conditional formatting, I love it.

The fact that I put the time and effort into my finances means I benefitted, both mentally and financially.

To which I would like to offer a unreserved thank you to this community of fantastic people. Thank you!!!

A big thank you to MSE for helping me transform my opinion of money and I try to share where I can sources with others.
-My biggest revelation was the difference between bad and good debt. Two very different things which I now realise debt can be used to your advantage.

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But all is not over, far from it, the future is still uncertain and I require some new goals in life.

A house.

With the latest mortgage allowances in place I require to be more estute. More conservative and more ruthless.

Current targets:
Clear Debt £3,323.61 (good 0%, but still affects my utilisation ratio and potential credit to mortgage)
Save additional £5,700
Parental contribution £8,000 (mutually beneficial mortgage, bond allows them to have a higher interest and allows my mortgage a lower interest rate)

I want to have all this in place by 24/12/14 at the latest. This is my challenge, this is my mantra, this is my everest.

There it's written on the internet, so must be adhered too.

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But along the way I have been troubled my my GF's relation to money.

As it turns out she also uses MSE, however has not been as ruthless as myself. And aquired a lot of bad debt.

I helped here out and gave her a rather large loan (for me anyway), which to her credit has sorted out a car and allowed her to borrow from me at 0% and give her some room to pay off without the stinging interest sapping her efforts.

However, she lied to me about the level of debt, only after I had committed my money to her cause and missing several payments to me. I see people doing this alot on the forums (lying/covering debt) and I cannot condone it in its efforts to destroy relationships.

It appears she has loans with other family members as well as other financial institutions and it has affected my trust in her. Because she doesn't appear to be changing her ethos.

I hate to be harsh, but I'm frustrated she hasn't come to terms with her situation and it's affecting our ability to make a life together.

Due to her credit I'm having to buy the house on my own, and with her attitude to money still pretty bad, I'm hesitant to join finances and start paying off her debt so she can make more.

I fear we're growing apart and a life together would not be one I would enjoy. But this is another decision I have to make, I haven't given up on her yet!!!!

We tried to make the spreadsheets work, we tried to offset treat money, but she still says 'presents please' over money towards debt and always wants to go for takeaway. (I'm cooking fajitas, so thats a 'no' tomorrow)

I am sorry to write this last section, but it has affected my trust in her, and wanted to get it out on into my diary.

Over and out.