How to motivate my 18 year old?

skipsmum

DS is 18 and has learning difficulties, autism and epilepsy. Last year he went to college and gained an NVQ1 in motor maintenance. He got a job at a garage but lost it after 4 weeks because his timekeeping was poor (although they probably got fed up with him because he thinks he knows everything! He got depressed, went back to college to do something different, and now has an NVQ1 in performing arts.

He doesn't want to go back to college as he was picked on by other students for having learning difficulties. The college has not been very helpful. Connexions are so busy at this time of year that they aren't much help either.

So, does anyone know of a low-level apprenticeship style course where there is little or no college attendance? Or any companies who have a good reputation training adults with learning difficulties?
Thanks!

paddyrg

Big ask, especially with an economy as depressed as this where employers have a great choice of candidates. Can he try another garage? Performing arts is a staggeringly tough sector at the best of times, NVQ or not.

Voluntary sector to learn the value/importance of timekeeping and some life/work skills maybe?

Whereabouts in the county? It may help someone on here think of some ideas, although poor timekeeping/arrogant behaviour are unlikely to be particularly encouraging to employers, just telling it as it is...

dandelionclock30

Probably the best place to tell you this information is Connextions, go back to them and explain in detail what you need to know. If they cant help you then ask who can?.Surely they must have an advisor who deals with young people with disabilities.
What about asking about supported volunteering? they do this with people who have learning difficulties. Ask at your local volunteer centre.
You need all the support you can get . What about Mencap? is there a local branch you could tap into to ask for assistance with this?

getmore4less

Any perfoming groups in your area that work with those with issue, local art centers etc.

these guys made a go of it.

http://www.jigsawtheatre.org.uk/


Going from course to course might not be the right answer.

There might be something he is going to be realy good at AND interetsed in, find that so you are not just setting him up for something that he will find boring nd get fed up with.

Remember many jobs are boring and tedious and don't tap into peoples qualities.

skipsmum

paddyrg wrote: »

Big ask, especially with an economy as depressed as this where employers have a great choice of candidates. Can he try another garage? Performing arts is a staggeringly tough sector at the best of times, NVQ or not.

Voluntary sector to learn the value/importance of timekeeping and some life/work skills maybe?

Whereabouts in the county? It may help someone on here think of some ideas, although poor timekeeping/arrogant behaviour are unlikely to be particularly encouraging to employers, just telling it as it is...

Thanks for replying!
Performing arts is a no-no - he wanted to try it, and I thought drama might help his communication skills. It has a bit.
We have tried taking CVs to all the local garages - but they aren't taking anyone on, and the odd job they do advertise gets hundreds of applicants.
Were in Chatham, Kent, which does have particularly high unemployment.
Re behaviour, I know! I feel like he burns bridges as quickly as we build them...actually its typical aspergers behaviour but it comes across as arrogant

The volunteering is our best bet, but again there seem to be far more applicants than opportunities, and most things are tied to having been on JSA for 6 months.

skipsmum

getmore4less wrote: »

Any perfoming groups in your area that work with those with issue, local art centers etc.

these guys made a go of it.

http://www.jigsawtheatre.org.uk/


Going from course to course might not be the right answer.

There might be something he is going to be realy good at AND interetsed in, find that so you are not just setting him up for something that he will find boring nd get fed up with.

Remember many jobs are boring and tedious and don't tap into peoples qualities.

thanks for the link, he did go to something similar but it stopped when he turned 18. I'll do some googling.
He would most enjoy a tedious, routine job, he'd happily change tyres all day every day - and would be good at it as well. It takes him a while to learn something, but he will then always do it exactly the way he has been taught. He doesn't like change, and just wants to fit in.

marybelle01

It is probably the advice you don't want - but in the meantime, don't make allowances! You probably understand him better than anyone, you know his challenges and you manage them because you always have had to. He no doubt burns bridges with you too, but you rebuild them for him. That's what any parent would do. But you may not be helping him understand that this has consequences in the world that his mum can't sort out for him. Practice makes perfect, and he needs to practice those skills, hard as it may be for you to make him do so. You will also be the best teacher of those skills. Much as it may hurt you to make him suffer the consequences of his conduct at home, you will always love him and always give him a chance to do better. Others won't.

paddyrg

Such a shame, I'm sure he has a lot to offer, but even with allowances it can be frustrating for colleagues/employers to deal with irregular timekeeping and 'knowing better' (even if he does actually know better! Sometimes people just don't like being told!!)

Aspergers, am I right in thinking that often includes exceptional attention to detail? Perhaps in a bigger company he could try out as an assistant storesman or something that is detail-oriented (or makes use of whatever way his symptoms exhibit)? Alas I don't know anyone or anything Kent directiion to be able to help

skipsmum

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Probably the best place to tell you this information is Connextions, go back to them and explain in detail what you need to know. If they cant help you then ask who can?.Surely they must have an advisor who deals with young people with disabilities.
What about asking about supported volunteering? they do this with people who have learning difficulties. Ask at your local volunteer centre.
You need all the support you can get . What about Mencap? is there a local branch you could tap into to ask for assistance with this?

Connexions haven't been helpful - but they're incredibly busy at the moment. I hadn't thought of Mencap - but actually he probably would come under them. I didn't know about supported volunteering so I'll go and find out about that as well, thankyou!

skipsmum

marybelle01 wrote: »

It is probably the advice you don't want - but in the meantime, don't make allowances! You probably understand him better than anyone, you know his challenges and you manage them because you always have had to. He no doubt burns bridges with you too, but you rebuild them for him. That's what any parent would do. But you may not be helping him understand that this has consequences in the world that his mum can't sort out for him. Practice makes perfect, and he needs to practice those skills, hard as it may be for you to make him do so. You will also be the best teacher of those skills. Much as it may hurt you to make him suffer the consequences of his conduct at home, you will always love him and always give him a chance to do better. Others won't.

yes, you are right! I am trying to toughen up at the moment - last week we told him he had to help out more round the house so he decided he was moving out. He came back 4 days later (I didn't hassle him, but I knew he was ok cos he was posting on facebook ) and said the council workers had told him he can't afford to move out!

Its particularly hard for us as we have always been told not to expect him to reach adulthood for medical reasons. We haven't geared him up for independence, and we've found it hard to set good boundaries.

skipsmum

paddyrg wrote: »

Such a shame, I'm sure he has a lot to offer, but even with allowances it can be frustrating for colleagues/employers to deal with irregular timekeeping and 'knowing better' (even if he does actually know better! Sometimes people just don't like being told!!)

Aspergers, am I right in thinking that often includes exceptional attention to detail? Perhaps in a bigger company he could try out as an assistant storesman or something that is detail-oriented (or makes use of whatever way his symptoms exhibit)? Alas I don't know anyone or anything Kent directiion to be able to help

Yep, i fully sympathise with anyone he works for/with! He drives me nuts!
I think the useful aspects of aspergers are cancelled out by learning difficulties....I try not to be this negative when I talk to him, honest!