Husband diagnosed with adhd and aspergers

sogs

Hi,

looking for some advice my husband works offshore he had an apprasil towards the end of last year and was told he was not motivated enough he did question the apprasil and said he wasnt happy but was told just to sign it and there would be no come back, however my husband has been quite depressed and feels like a failure alot of the time he self funded himself for a training course which he passed to further his career as the company he was for would not pay for the course, a vacancy came up in which my husband is very well qualified for and with doing this course he fitted the criteria, he didnt even get an interview and found out that the person that got the job was put through the training course which my husband paid for himself and this person has never worked offshore before, anyway cut along story as my husband was getting more depressed I told him to see a doctor who referred him to a psychirist who has diagnosed him adhd and aspergers, now he is worried that he will loose his job as he feels that people dont like him and he is odd etc, i feel sorry him as he is a hard worker and tries hard all the time, he has alot of experience in his job but gets nowhere while everyone else is moving onto better things.

sorry my post is so long would like to help him.

thanks

mynameistallulah

Apologies if I have missed anything in your post, it is incredibly difficult to read ...

What advice are you looking for? Does his Aspergers/ ADHD affect his work in any way?

marybelle01

It seems to me that there are two totally different things here and you shouldn't be confusing them. He has only just been diagnosed with a disability, so what happened in the past about training, not getting interviewed and so on has nothing to do with that. He may indeed have been sufferiing this condition for a very long time, but the employer couldn't possibly have known because he didn't know either, so they couldn't have discriminated because of the disability. He may be right and he isn't liked, but I very much doubt it - more likely his undiagnosed condition combined with his feelings about himself have undermined his confidence. But if his performance has been a problem, then the employer was right to raise it with him. And they don't have to interview or appoint someone. Whatever the explanation is they haven't done anything that is wrong - it's their decision.

The second issue is his diagnosis, and I don't think anyone here can tell you whether it will affact his employment or not. If he works off-shore there are presumably higher levels of safety rules which may come into play. But the employer cannot simply get rid because of his condition. They would have to undertake occupational health assessments and speak to his own medical advisors to determine whether there is an impact on his job, what if any adjustments are to be made, and whether this impacts on his current role. Then they would have to look at whether, if he can't do his current job, there are other jobs that he could do. Only after a fairly exhaustive process could they dismiss him. So it may not come to that at all, and if it does it will take time and they will have to be very careful. But he certainly must tell the employer if he hasn't already, because he gets no protections if he doesn't, and if something were to happen as a result of his condition, it will be deemed to have been his fault.

skintandscared_2

My only experience of an adult with ADHD is that they can say inappropriate things without really thinking. Their brains often just work at 100 miles an hour and things come out before they have a chance to process them properly - it's not meant to be hurtful but often can be. Do you think there's a chance that your husband may sometimes behave a bit irrationally or say things that may have hindered his chances of promotion at work? They can be very impulsive!

mynameistallulah

marybelle01 wrote: »

but the employer couldn't possibly have known because he didn't know either, so they couldn't have discriminated because of the disability.

...

But he certainly must tell the employer if he hasn't already, because he gets no protections if he doesn't

I agree with everything you have said in principle, but just wanted to clarify the above - knowledge of disability is not always required for discrimination to be possible - this is certainly the case for indirect discrimination and harassment, and in other types there is conflicting case law, especially where the employer "ought to have known", for instance by the individual exhibiting certain behaviours.

jackieb

I would say that it's more a confidence issue than an aspergers one. I have 2 children with aspergers, and another with dyspraxia. I strongly suspect that my husband has an ASD too but he's never been diagnosed, along with his brother and father. They are all strikingly similar.

I know that my father-in-law, brother-in-law and husband have all got on well with their careers. I actually think it helps as I know my husband is very conscientious and is good at his job (he also works offshore). I think your husband needs to push himself more. I know it's hard if you come across as quiet. Has he talked to his employers, telling them he wants to move forward in his job. Very often with offshore positions, it's who you know that gets you a job. Not very fair but it's true. Your husband probably did nothing wrong, just that the person that did get the job actually knew someone behind the scenes.

Do his employers need to be told of the diagnosis though?

marybelle01

mynameistallulah wrote: »

I agree with everything you have said in principle, but just wanted to clarify the above - knowledge of disability is not always required for discrimination to be possible - this is certainly the case for indirect discrimination and harassment, and in other types there is conflicting case law, especially where the employer "ought to have known", for instance by the individual exhibiting certain behaviours.

Sorry - i agree in pribiple but not in fact. The OP didn't kniow, her husband didn't know - there is no way on earth that that the employer could have reasonably known. The employer isn't a psychiatric nurse - how on earth coule they have reasomably be expected to diagnose a condition which was undiagnosed by medical professinals and is rarely diagnosed in adults?

Savvy_Sue

It is worth your OH working out what strengths this gives him: certainly AS can lead to excellent compliance with 'the rules', and off-shore that could be quite important where 'the rules' affect Health and Safety so much. Would some time spend with a psychologist or counsellor help?

PasturesNew

He was probably never depressed ... it's common for ASDs to be misdiagnosed with depression until the real cause is discovered. He'll have been down and felt that nobody was listening/he wasn't getting the chances, but that's just down, not depressed - so he needs to realise that he probably wasn't depressed all along (which is a good thing).

Mis-communication is major with this. Nobody listens to what I am saying. Even the simplest of things, if I repeat it over and over again I am simply not listened to... it's like you're not allowed to answer anything for yourself; everybody decides your answer and dismisses what you said as nonsense.

"Do you want mushrooms with your cooked breakfast?"
"No, I hate mushrooms"
"So do you want mushrooms or not?"
"No. I hate mushrooms"
"If you don't want them it's not a problem"
"I don't want them, I hate them"
"I'll do you a few mushrooms then, you can leave them if you don't want them"
"I don't like mushrooms, I hate mushrooms, I don't want any mushrooms"

... and, guess what - you'd still get them.

Now imagine that type of dismissal/conversation with important things....

Nobody EVER listens to what I say!

TooledUP

Ok, this is just my POV being an aspie. I could bore you with the story of how we found this out but it was like a lightbulb going off!

We do view the world differently, it's just one of our things.

We do feel it's us against the world. We do have a need to know. It's just the way we work.

Our brains also work a lot faster and we sometimes say inappropriate things, not intentionally, but we are not always immediately aware of what we have done. Social skills and optimisim are not our forte so to speak.

I was lucky in that the company I work for have given me a mentor that I can talk to and help me "filter" my stuff and skill me in personal interaction.

Your husbands company is duty bound to make reasonable adjustments. Maybe he should discuss this with them, as if he is a good worker, and they have a spot on HR team, your company will feel like home and have a loyal employee.

For aspies re people, it's black and white. Either we like people or we don't. We don't do gray areas at all well!

mynameistallulah

marybelle01 wrote: »

Sorry - i agree in pribiple but not in fact. The OP didn't kniow, her husband didn't know - there is no way on earth that that the employer could have reasonably known. The employer isn't a psychiatric nurse - how on earth coule they have reasomably be expected to diagnose a condition which was undiagnosed by medical professinals and is rarely diagnosed in adults?

I agree with you entirely, but that is not how the law sees it - and that is what matters here.