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Need to get things of my chest, and get back on track
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Alyssa.C
Posts: 26 Forumite
Hi there 
I hope some one will take the time to read this post and comment, and I apologise for how long it probably will be!
My partner and I have been having some difficulties recently, at the end of January of this year (2012) we had to leave our rented home after being there since July 09, after a small arguement with a 'friend' escalated into death threats towards my family and constant harassment. The 'friend' involved was someone I had met attending baby groups for my son, I had a feeling she was going to be trouble, but as she lived round the corner from us, she was constantly round, and being a very loud and over-confident person, and me being the opposite, no matter what i did (ignored calls and knocks on the door) she carried on visiting.
It all came to a head when I decided I had had enough, and didnt want to be involved in this (her partner being a very nasty person, who didnt work and I have reason to believe he was a drug dealer.) and after receiving a text message from her swearing at me because I had let her down after we were supposed to meet up for a run and had apparently caused an argument with her and her partner (which was almost on a daily basis anyway) I replied to the text saying, Please don't involve me in your problems, I'm busy. Which had a completely unecassery and ridiculous outburst of abuse. My partner started to receive phone calls from her partner, with phrases along the lines of, "I can't touch her but I'm going to get you...slit your throat...get your son out of the house because im going to set fire to it..." Now this part comes into play later on, but for an unknown reason after the threatening calls, texts started to come through from the girls partner saying, I want my money.... you owe my money etc.
Well we were in total shock, and the first instinct was to get out the house and drive to the nearest police station and report the incident. We explained to the officer on reception what had happened and that we were going to go and stop with my partners parents for the night, and they said they would contact us when we got there.
Which they did, and I still cannot believe what they said, basically, because this man had been claiming we owed him money, the police were powerless to do anything, and he suggested we sort out our money issues with this person!!! We tried to explain that there were no money issues whatsoever, as we would never be so STUPID as to borrow money off someone we suspected a drug dealer!
From that day, we have been out of a home, due to the disgusting nature of these two people, who have young children themselves, I just cant believe what we have been put through.
We have been to the police three times, after constant phonecalls for a month, my partner receiving as many as 20 calls a day, and the texts also, which did start to die down after a couple of weeks. The polce basically fobbed us off, and I have never felt so humilated speaking to them, they made me feel like a liar and scum, not really done much for our confidence in them put it that way. The phone calls stopped, by March and now, May, they have started again.
So we did what we could only think of doing, end our tenancy and not go back to the house again, only to retreive our belongings, which was terrifying because i didnt know who would be there.
And also a neighbour informed us that the man that had been threatening us ( or who could only be described as him) had been sneaking round our home on a regular basis, round the back garden.
The ending of our tenancy wasnt straightforward at all, as we had an agreement in place, with no break clause, til the end of july next year 2013...
This whole drama, has put myself and my partner is such debt, as we have had to pay for a storage unit to put all our belongings in, we had to continue paying the rent up until last month when we told them we simply couldnt afford it, and although thank god they let us leave, we lost our bond in the process. I have been living with my mum, with our son, an hours drive away from my partner who has to stay at his parents, to stay close for work. It has been a living nightmare.
Fortunately, we have found a house, in a new area, which we should be getting the keys for on Saturday. Because of all the debt racked up in the past few months, I am terrified we are not going to be able to afford it, and it is a constant worry in my mind.
Last year, I told myself, my new years resolution is going to be to think positive and not let negative thoughts get in the way of decisions I make, and 2012 is going to be a good year. I feel I have almost jinxed myself and my family into a year of pure hell, and my confidence and self esteem has sunk to an all time low.
I am an independant person, I have lived away from family, in a new area since 2009, made new friends, and settled in, which was very difficult, being pregnant and having no friends or family around me, and now although, after being away from home for so long, the idea of moving back is out of the question as I just dont find it a nice town to live in, i am so very scared of being in a new area again, starting afresh again, making new friends, in case it all goes wrong again,.
I am sorry this has been so a long post, and believe me there is so much more i could of wrote but it would have just gone on forever!
I just needed to get some things off my chest, as I have been such a nervous wreck this past few months, and am feeling very scared and apprehensive of the move on Saturday!
I am trying to focus on getting everything ready for the move, applying for jobs so I can bring in some income to help us get out of the debt we are in, thinking of a debt management plan also, and just working out our finances, and keep sane for the sake of my 3year old!
I hope some one will take the time to read this post and comment, and I apologise for how long it probably will be!
My partner and I have been having some difficulties recently, at the end of January of this year (2012) we had to leave our rented home after being there since July 09, after a small arguement with a 'friend' escalated into death threats towards my family and constant harassment. The 'friend' involved was someone I had met attending baby groups for my son, I had a feeling she was going to be trouble, but as she lived round the corner from us, she was constantly round, and being a very loud and over-confident person, and me being the opposite, no matter what i did (ignored calls and knocks on the door) she carried on visiting.
It all came to a head when I decided I had had enough, and didnt want to be involved in this (her partner being a very nasty person, who didnt work and I have reason to believe he was a drug dealer.) and after receiving a text message from her swearing at me because I had let her down after we were supposed to meet up for a run and had apparently caused an argument with her and her partner (which was almost on a daily basis anyway) I replied to the text saying, Please don't involve me in your problems, I'm busy. Which had a completely unecassery and ridiculous outburst of abuse. My partner started to receive phone calls from her partner, with phrases along the lines of, "I can't touch her but I'm going to get you...slit your throat...get your son out of the house because im going to set fire to it..." Now this part comes into play later on, but for an unknown reason after the threatening calls, texts started to come through from the girls partner saying, I want my money.... you owe my money etc.
Well we were in total shock, and the first instinct was to get out the house and drive to the nearest police station and report the incident. We explained to the officer on reception what had happened and that we were going to go and stop with my partners parents for the night, and they said they would contact us when we got there.
Which they did, and I still cannot believe what they said, basically, because this man had been claiming we owed him money, the police were powerless to do anything, and he suggested we sort out our money issues with this person!!! We tried to explain that there were no money issues whatsoever, as we would never be so STUPID as to borrow money off someone we suspected a drug dealer!
From that day, we have been out of a home, due to the disgusting nature of these two people, who have young children themselves, I just cant believe what we have been put through.
We have been to the police three times, after constant phonecalls for a month, my partner receiving as many as 20 calls a day, and the texts also, which did start to die down after a couple of weeks. The polce basically fobbed us off, and I have never felt so humilated speaking to them, they made me feel like a liar and scum, not really done much for our confidence in them put it that way. The phone calls stopped, by March and now, May, they have started again.
So we did what we could only think of doing, end our tenancy and not go back to the house again, only to retreive our belongings, which was terrifying because i didnt know who would be there.
And also a neighbour informed us that the man that had been threatening us ( or who could only be described as him) had been sneaking round our home on a regular basis, round the back garden.
The ending of our tenancy wasnt straightforward at all, as we had an agreement in place, with no break clause, til the end of july next year 2013...
This whole drama, has put myself and my partner is such debt, as we have had to pay for a storage unit to put all our belongings in, we had to continue paying the rent up until last month when we told them we simply couldnt afford it, and although thank god they let us leave, we lost our bond in the process. I have been living with my mum, with our son, an hours drive away from my partner who has to stay at his parents, to stay close for work. It has been a living nightmare.
Fortunately, we have found a house, in a new area, which we should be getting the keys for on Saturday. Because of all the debt racked up in the past few months, I am terrified we are not going to be able to afford it, and it is a constant worry in my mind.
Last year, I told myself, my new years resolution is going to be to think positive and not let negative thoughts get in the way of decisions I make, and 2012 is going to be a good year. I feel I have almost jinxed myself and my family into a year of pure hell, and my confidence and self esteem has sunk to an all time low.
I am an independant person, I have lived away from family, in a new area since 2009, made new friends, and settled in, which was very difficult, being pregnant and having no friends or family around me, and now although, after being away from home for so long, the idea of moving back is out of the question as I just dont find it a nice town to live in, i am so very scared of being in a new area again, starting afresh again, making new friends, in case it all goes wrong again,.
I am sorry this has been so a long post, and believe me there is so much more i could of wrote but it would have just gone on forever!
I just needed to get some things off my chest, as I have been such a nervous wreck this past few months, and am feeling very scared and apprehensive of the move on Saturday!
I am trying to focus on getting everything ready for the move, applying for jobs so I can bring in some income to help us get out of the debt we are in, thinking of a debt management plan also, and just working out our finances, and keep sane for the sake of my 3year old!
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Comments
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No wonder, god you have been throughout the works.
Ok deep breath well done for removing yourself from such a horrible situation. Have you done a statement of affairs to see the lay of the land?0 -
Sometimes a fresh start is exactly what you need...you may have had problems in the past but that does not dictate the future. Now you have a chance to make things happen for you and be in a much better situation so look forward to meeting some new people and having new and nicer experiences in your life - good luck and all best wishes moggy 0
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No wonder, god you have been throughout the works.
Ok deep breath well done for removing yourself from such a horrible situation. Have you done a statement of affairs to see the lay of the land?
Hi, thankyou for your reply, I have done a vague outline of what is going out/coming in according to how it will be when we are in the new house, ive used the app on Martins website, and one with the my-money steps website who have advised us to set up a debt management plan.
That is the first thing I am going to do when we get sorted in the house, call them up and see what they can do, as at this moment we do have more going out than coming in, with credit card payments etc. Just feels like there is a hell of a lot going on at the minute, and Im feeling the pressure!0 -
Your situation has been very difficult, well done for making changes. I think you should have taken the Police to task though, I don't accept that sort of response from my local Police.
Anyway moving on, hope you get things sorted!0 -
i am appalled the police did not treat this seriously! these idiots were clearly thugs and bullies, how dare they treat you and your family like that! things like this make me so mad, people like that are utter scum.
everything will work out, i am so sorry you have been through all this as clearly you are not in debt because you mental on the credit card (like i did) but because you needed to keep your family safe.
i hope the scum bags get their cumuppance, I am awaiting on karma to deal with a particular revolting individual that tried to ruin my life a year ago.
take carre and massive hugs :grouphug:0 -
i am appalled the police did not treat this seriously! these idiots were clearly thugs and bullies, how dare they treat you and your family like that! things like this make me so mad, people like that are utter scum.
everything will work out, i am so sorry you have been through all this as clearly you are not in debt because you mental on the credit card (like i did) but because you needed to keep your family safe.
i hope the scum bags get their cumuppance, I am awaiting on karma to deal with a particular revolting individual that tried to ruin my life a year ago.
take carre and massive hugs :grouphug:
Thanks for your reply, I am also relying on Karma and hope it will bite them hard when it come around!
I'm still in awe with the police, as we had been to the local station twice, then the station local to my partners parents. It was very strange as when I described my story to the third police officer, he was very understanding and suggested we take out a harassment order..but as soon as he had radioed through the guys name, his attitude changed and basically told us there was nothing they could really do, it makes you wonder doesn't it. I just hope we don't have to deal with them anytime in the future! x0 -
Hi Alyssa :hello:
You have been treated appallingly by these dreadful people and then to add insult to injury, let down by those who are supposed to help you, the police.
It's not too late to make a complaint to the IPCC and you can actually do it online via their website:
http://www.ipcc.gov.uk/en/Pages/forms.aspx
If the two people are still harrassing you via your mobiles, speak to your phone provider. They can either block nuisance calls and/or texts, or provide you with a new sim card and number.
You are bound to be nervous about your move with all that has happened to you but try and see as a fresh start for you and your family. I wish you good luck and much happiness in your new home.LBM 10/1/12 ~ DFW Start 6/2/12: £82,344 ~ Now Zero:staradmin:starmod::staradmin Debt free 17th April 2015 :staradmin:starmod::staradmin
Eternal thanks to the DMP & Mutual Support (no.439) and Payment a Day ThreadsMortgage free 3rd July 2014 - Grateful thanks to the 2013/14 MFW threads"Debt is normal. Be weird!" Dave RamseyProud to have dealt with our debt
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Hi Alyssa
I am so sorry you had to go through such a horrible time. Just remember this is not of your making. You have done fantastically well so far, I have no doubt you will get through this. These forums are the best place to get help and support so please keep posting.
It might be helpful to list all your income and outgoings, the wonderful people on here will be able to make suggestions on how to cut your bills.
All the very best of luck to you and your family.0 -
Time_to_face_the_music wrote: »Hi Alyssa :hello:
You have been treated appallingly by these dreadful people and then to add insult to injury, let down by those who are supposed to help you, the police.
It's not too late to make a complaint to the IPCC and you can actually do it online via their website:
http://www.ipcc.gov.uk/en/Pages/forms.aspx
If the two people are still harrassing you via your mobiles, speak to your phone provider. They can either block nuisance calls and/or texts, or provide you with a new sim card and number.
You are bound to be nervous about your move with all that has happened to you but try and see as a fresh start for you and your family. I wish you good luck and much happiness in your new home.
Hi,
Thankyou for your reply and thankyou for the luck! I had been urged to go to the IPCC by a relative, but in the heat of it all, I was pretty scared and felt a little stupid, especially by the police reaction. I guess I led myself to believe I was making a fuss, but coming out of the shock of it, I now know, we shouldnt have gone through all that on our own, and there should of been some support from the police, especially, god forbid, if something had happened to us.0 -
Hi Alyssa
When you are going through a tough time it is so difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, ive most definitely been there!
Each step that you take from now will be towards a fresh start for you and your children. You are obviously a very strong person already as you have come through a very difficult time and havent let it beat you!
In regards to the debt - my advice to begin with would be to talk to someone neutral. Go to the citizens advice bureau or similar, they are fantastic and genuinely willing to help. They will talk you through the options available to you. Also call your credit card company and tell them your situation - they are often willing to help and may be able to make come changes to relieve some of the pressure on you.
In terms of day to day living i just looked at my everyday living costs and had a look if there was any way i could reduce my outgoings. It was only little things like shopping around instead of doing all of my shopping in one supermarket and using stores such as Home Bargains and B&M (LOVE them!), using the car less etc. I also called Sky and my mobile phone company to see if there was anything they could do and got both of them to reduce my monthly bills. It can take a while and a lot of persistence but you will get there, dont let this beat you when you have come so far! xx0
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