We are here and need to get out of this hole...

sxhall

Hello,

After years of spending the grim realisation today hit me at the cash point that I have no money 'insufficient funds' said the cash machine! Now, I could kid myself that I get paid on Friday and all would be OK? Well this would be true for another month but as I have an overdraft of nearly £5,000 it is would be a lie and I now know it.

I have had sleepless nights worrying about money around Christmas and felt the pressure of trying to deliver a merry and happy Christmas for my lovely wife and daughter. After all they both deserve to be happy, right? But does having 'things' make us happy when lurking in the background there is a large and ever increasing number looming over my head that we all know as debt? No, debt does not make me or my wife happy.

What gets me is why is it May and I have been thinking of a way to get me and my wife out debt but we are still coasting along without breaking even at the end of the month? I know the one answer to that question for me and they is I am scared. Yes scared to face the realisation that we have got ourselves in to a debt we won't be able to get out of. Well I know that there is a way out, so why do I have near panic attacks when a letter from the bank arrives. Truth be told I find it less scary to let the letters build up and never open them, ignorant to what I am trying to forget and bury in the back of my head.

The other thing that I am finding really hard though is to talk about it to my wife. Now she knows for herself what our financial state is. But I don't want to be the one to bring her down by saying 'did you know we are £25,000 in debt?’

Yes £25,000! Now I know I only said £5,000 at the beginning but the true and full extent is far more. We have some credit cards and an overdraft each but neither really knows the full extent of the others debt. We talk of credit card numbers but she has no idea of my overdraft at all! I think in my own mind and way I have been using my overdraft for the last 3 years to offer her a peace of mind by covering odd days out and purchases. The reassurance that our joint account may be shagged but I'll be able to bail us out should the time come. Well I now need to bail myself out as well.

So I have competed a monthly budget plan and hell we should have nearly £1,000 a month to pay off our debts with, but we don't. We don't spend lavishly on anything and shop to the best we can every week to keep costs down. So where is our money going? This is the biggest question that I can't answer.

I sit here now looking round as I type this out and I can honestly say we do not have anything to show for this much in debt! That makes it all the more depressing really.

In hindsight, looking back several years I know where the money went initially but there is nothing to show for it now. Admittedly I do have a lovely daughter who will be 6 in August but were the things we bought when she was young all necessary? I feel horrible for thinking it but we would spend small fortunes on toys, paints, sticking stuff etc just to keep her occupied when she was younger. Now in later life I can see she has developed in to lovely child but I still question what we bought. We have bags of baby clothes some worn only once or twice stuffed away in a loft. We bought a new buggy because the other one was too large; it was given to charity so we did not have to pack it to return from holiday!

I have been guilty of spending this money too 'treating' her to presents when I went away with work, for only 1 night though. As well I have also bought far too many clothes in the past and had a wardrobe full of clothes bought because I 'liked' them not because I needed them. This is one trend I have already bucked and have persuaded my wife to do the same. After a mega clear out of all the stuff we never really wore we both have a capsule type wardrobe now. Everything we buy has to go with what we have already hanging up back at home and is only bought if we need it. The same applies for our daughter’s wardrobe too.

In hindsight again we could have paid off our mortgage on our old flat had we been savvy enough at the time, which is a truly horrible thought. Thinking of what financial security we would have now, instead we are renting!

So in summary I have no idea what we have spent the best part of £25,000 on. No doubt others will also be in the same boat thinking exactly the same. I do know we have to turn the tide and start paying our debts. I want to be able to give a secure future for my wife and daughter and this is day one of getting there.

The plan is this for me, and I say me as I will have to be the one to raise this subject up.

1. Stop procrastinating - it will not go away on it's own, we need to work at this
2. Speak to my wife about how bad things are
3. Write down the numbers on a piece of paper - can't deal with what you don't know
4. Budget - everything needs to be budgeted for
5. Save - switch what we can to save money
6. Loan - will we be better to get a loan? Time to do some math's
7. Repay, repay, repay - whatever we have at the end of the month goes to paying off something
8. Be debt free - wohoo

How long will it take me? Well first four steps should be done by the end of this week. Step five and possibly six (if we go this route) by the end of next week.

So step seven. Well given the budget calculators I have used (CCCS and my own personal Excel one) we should, in theory, be able to do this in around 5 years. Now I want a firm number to aim for so will declare this for all too see once it is set.

But, yes but, there are some things we need to budget for which ironically we don't for at the moment. This will involve putting some money aside each month to remove the stings we get each time they come round. So what is on this list...?

· Christmas
· Birthdays
· Holiday
· Ourselves

It seems ironic that I am sitting here typing out about how much in debt we are yet I mention the above. Having a close personal friend who is now debts free (good motivator for me) one thing I remember is not making seem as if you are going without. Now for me Christmas and New Year has always been a budgeted amount, I just never saved or planned for it, same with birthdays. Holidays we just 'paid for' out of the joint account or on a card! And money for us (my wife and I) well I seem to spend whatever I want and never think of what I have spent. I need to say that I have an amount each month and that is it. My target will be not spend this each month but save it and then make a larger payment at the end of the year.

So this is it then the start, day one, it begins!

Thanks for reading this. I know I feel calmer having put this here and declaring my status, the future looks a lot nicer now.

PRINCESSPOOR

Hi sxhall. It was good to read your post as I am in a similar situation. I also have large debts but very little to show for it and I also got the same message from the cash machine. No money until pay day on Friday. I don't think you should blame yourself for what has gone before, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your daughter and I expect your daughter will be your motivation to sort this mess out. My situation differs in that our debts were accumulated after I was forced to give up working for a while due to health problems. Fortunately I was able to return to work last month so I'm on a mission now to clear my debts. I'm a little ahead of you, I'm on day 2, but my plan looks exactly the same as yours, well from stage 4 it does, and I have just over 5 years to sort it out. So lets think positive and lets try and enjoy learning to live well within our means. It will be worth it in the end.

Rosielady

sxhall wrote: »

Hello,

After years of spending the grim realisation today hit me at the cash point that I have no money 'insufficient funds' said the cash machine! Now, I could kid myself that I get paid on Friday and all would be OK? Well this would be true for another month but as I have an overdraft of nearly £5,000 it is would be a lie and I now know it.

I have had sleepless nights worrying about money around Christmas and felt the pressure of trying to deliver a merry and happy Christmas for my lovely wife and daughter. After all they both deserve to be happy, right? But does having 'things' make us happy when lurking in the background there is a large and ever increasing number looming over my head that we all know as debt? No, debt does not make me or my wife happy.

What gets me is why is it May and I have been thinking of a way to get me and my wife out debt but we are still coasting along without breaking even at the end of the month? I know the one answer to that question for me and they is I am scared. Yes scared to face the realisation that we have got ourselves in to a debt we won't be able to get out of. Well I know that there is a way out, so why do I have near panic attacks when a letter from the bank arrives. Truth be told I find it less scary to let the letters build up and never open them, ignorant to what I am trying to forget and bury in the back of my head.

The other thing that I am finding really hard though is to talk about it to my wife. Now she knows for herself what our financial state is. But I don't want to be the one to bring her down by saying 'did you know we are £25,000 in debt?’

Yes £25,000! Now I know I only said £5,000 at the beginning but the true and full extent is far more. We have some credit cards and an overdraft each but neither really knows the full extent of the others debt. We talk of credit card numbers but she has no idea of my overdraft at all! I think in my own mind and way I have been using my overdraft for the last 3 years to offer her a peace of mind by covering odd days out and purchases. The reassurance that our joint account may be shagged but I'll be able to bail us out should the time come. Well I now need to bail myself out as well.

So I have competed a monthly budget plan and hell we should have nearly £1,000 a month to pay off our debts with, but we don't. We don't spend lavishly on anything and shop to the best we can every week to keep costs down. So where is our money going? This is the biggest question that I can't answer.

I sit here now looking round as I type this out and I can honestly say we do not have anything to show for this much in debt! That makes it all the more depressing really.

In hindsight, looking back several years I know where the money went initially but there is nothing to show for it now. Admittedly I do have a lovely daughter who will be 6 in August but were the things we bought when she was young all necessary? I feel horrible for thinking it but we would spend small fortunes on toys, paints, sticking stuff etc just to keep her occupied when she was younger. Now in later life I can see she has developed in to lovely child but I still question what we bought. We have bags of baby clothes some worn only once or twice stuffed away in a loft. We bought a new buggy because the other one was too large; it was given to charity so we did not have to pack it to return from holiday!

I have been guilty of spending this money too 'treating' her to presents when I went away with work, for only 1 night though. As well I have also bought far too many clothes in the past and had a wardrobe full of clothes bought because I 'liked' them not because I needed them. This is one trend I have already bucked and have persuaded my wife to do the same. After a mega clear out of all the stuff we never really wore we both have a capsule type wardrobe now. Everything we buy has to go with what we have already hanging up back at home and is only bought if we need it. The same applies for our daughter’s wardrobe too.

In hindsight again we could have paid off our mortgage on our old flat had we been savvy enough at the time, which is a truly horrible thought. Thinking of what financial security we would have now, instead we are renting!

So in summary I have no idea what we have spent the best part of £25,000 on. No doubt others will also be in the same boat thinking exactly the same. I do know we have to turn the tide and start paying our debts. I want to be able to give a secure future for my wife and daughter and this is day one of getting there.

The plan is this for me, and I say me as I will have to be the one to raise this subject up.

1. Stop procrastinating - it will not go away on it's own, we need to work at this
2. Speak to my wife about how bad things are
3. Write down the numbers on a piece of paper - can't deal with what you don't know
4. Budget - everything needs to be budgeted for
5. Save - switch what we can to save money
6. Loan - will we be better to get a loan? Time to do some math's
7. Repay, repay, repay - whatever we have at the end of the month goes to paying off something
8. Be debt free - wohoo

How long will it take me? Well first four steps should be done by the end of this week. Step five and possibly six (if we go this route) by the end of next week.

So step seven. Well given the budget calculators I have used (CCCS and my own personal Excel one) we should, in theory, be able to do this in around 5 years. Now I want a firm number to aim for so will declare this for all too see once it is set.

But, yes but, there are some things we need to budget for which ironically we don't for at the moment. This will involve putting some money aside each month to remove the stings we get each time they come round. So what is on this list...?

· Christmas
· Birthdays
· Holiday
· Ourselves

It seems ironic that I am sitting here typing out about how much in debt we are yet I mention the above. Having a close personal friend who is now debts free (good motivator for me) one thing I remember is not making seem as if you are going without. Now for me Christmas and New Year has always been a budgeted amount, I just never saved or planned for it, same with birthdays. Holidays we just 'paid for' out of the joint account or on a card! And money for us (my wife and I) well I seem to spend whatever I want and never think of what I have spent. I need to say that I have an amount each month and that is it. My target will be not spend this each month but save it and then make a larger payment at the end of the year.

So this is it then the start, day one, it begins!

Thanks for reading this. I know I feel calmer having put this here and declaring my status, the future looks a lot nicer now.

Just read your post, I have been reading these post for a couple of weeks, you will find that there is alot of support and help out there.
Here if you need a chat

LAM2011

hi sxhall - welcome to the forum. You will get lots of tips / help on these forums and if you can get your wife on board with you it will be much easier as you probably know. I had more debt than you in Jan last year and I have slowly eaten away at it and for the first time in my life I feel in control of my debt.

Good luck with it all

sxhall

PRINCESSPOOR wrote: »

Hi sxhall. It was good to read your post as I am in a similar situation. I also have large debts but very little to show for it and I also got the same message from the cash machine. No money until pay day on Friday. I don't think you should blame yourself for what has gone before, there is nothing wrong with wanting the best for your daughter and I expect your daughter will be your motivation to sort this mess out. My situation differs in that our debts were accumulated after I was forced to give up working for a while due to health problems. Fortunately I was able to return to work last month so I'm on a mission now to clear my debts. I'm a little ahead of you, I'm on day 2, but my plan looks exactly the same as yours, well from stage 4 it does, and I have just over 5 years to sort it out. So lets think positive and lets try and enjoy learning to live well within our means. It will be worth it in the end.

PRINCESSPOOR,

You are right my daughter will be our motivation to get through this.

Rosielady wrote: »

Just read your post, I have been reading these post for a couple of weeks, you will find that there is alot of support and help out there.
Here if you need a chat

Rosielady
If i need a chat I will turn to the forums, so look out!

LAM2011 wrote: »

hi sxhall - welcome to the forum. You will get lots of tips / help on these forums and if you can get your wife on board with you it will be much easier as you probably know. I had more debt than you in Jan last year and I have slowly eaten away at it and for the first time in my life I feel in control of my debt.

Good luck with it all

Well thanks too you all for the support already.

LAM2011,

Well done, the feeling you have is the feeling am wanting. Not read through threads as yet but scout yours out.


Again thanks for the support already, day 2 is tomorrow and looking better already to me.

Steven

[Deleted User]

sxhall wrote: »

Hello,

After years of spending the grim realisation today hit me at the cash point that I have no money 'insufficient funds' said the cash machine! Now, I could kid myself that I get paid on Friday and all would be OK? Well this would be true for another month but as I have an overdraft of nearly £5,000 it is would be a lie and I now know it.Well done on acknowledging that you have debt - you are in the right place to get lots of help and advice about dealing with it

I have had sleepless nights worrying about money around Christmas and felt the pressure of trying to deliver a merry and happy Christmas for my lovely wife and daughter. After all they both deserve to be happy, right? But does having 'things' make us happy when lurking in the background there is a large and ever increasing number looming over my head that we all know as debt? No, debt does not make me or my wife happy.Once you have a clear plan of what to do to reverse the situation you will feel a lot better and more relaxed and you will sleep better - once you start making inroads to the debt, and you see the balance reduce, you will feel even better

What gets me is why is it May and I have been thinking of a way to get me and my wife out debt but we are still coasting along without breaking even at the end of the month? I know the one answer to that question for me and they is I am scared. Yes scared to face the realisation that we have got ourselves in to a debt we won't be able to get out of. Well I know that there is a way out, so why do I have near panic attacks when a letter from the bank arrives. Truth be told I find it less scary to let the letters build up and never open them, ignorant to what I am trying to forget and bury in the back of my head.You will be able to get out of it, there will be a solution, it is just a matter of finding the right solution. But, as unpleasant as it might seem, knowing exactly where you stand with your debt (including balances, APR's etc) is a necessary step, so open those letters and start dealing with it. You might not believe it now, but you will feel better when you have

The other thing that I am finding really hard though is to talk about it to my wife. Now she knows for herself what our financial state is. But I don't want to be the one to bring her down by saying 'did you know we are £25,000 in debt?’ Not everyone decides to tell their partner about their debt, but there are lots of posts on here that suggest that not only will it help that you are both on the same page and dealing with the debts together, but that the emotional support is invaluable too - try reading some of the other posts/diaries on here, they might give you the courage to speak to your wife

Yes £25,000! Now I know I only said £5,000 at the beginning but the true and full extent is far more. We have some credit cards and an overdraft each but neither really knows the full extent of the others debt. We talk of credit card numbers but she has no idea of my overdraft at all! I think in my own mind and way I have been using my overdraft for the last 3 years to offer her a peace of mind by covering odd days out and purchases. The reassurance that our joint account may be shagged but I'll be able to bail us out should the time come. Well I now need to bail myself out as well.You need to start with a statement of affairs listing all of your income and expenditure and debts - then you will know exactly where you are and it will help you identify how best to tackle it - here's a link to the SOA: <http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html&gt;

So I have competed a monthly budget plan and hell we should have nearly £1,000 a month to pay off our debts with, but we don't. We don't spend lavishly on anything and shop to the best we can every week to keep costs down. So where is our money going? This is the biggest question that I can't answer.If you don't know where all of your money is going, then you need to keep a spending diary to see where it all goes, note down absolutely everything that gets spend from really small things like newspapers and cartons of milk, to regular DD's, one off spends, debt repayments, mortgage etc etc and everything in between. Filling in the SOA using the link above might help in case you have forgotten to add things in the monthly budget you have already made, it's pretty comprehensive

I sit here now looking round as I type this out and I can honestly say we do not have anything to show for this much in debt! That makes it all the more depressing really.There is no point torturing yourself about the debt. Just make sure that you have addressed the over-spending and move on to dealing with it. Torturing yourself will change nothing, except give you more sleepless nights

In hindsight, looking back several years I know where the money went initially but there is nothing to show for it now. Admittedly I do have a lovely daughter who will be 6 in August but were the things we bought when she was young all necessary? I feel horrible for thinking it but we would spend small fortunes on toys, paints, sticking stuff etc just to keep her occupied when she was younger. Now in later life I can see she has developed in to lovely child but I still question what we bought. We have bags of baby clothes some worn only once or twice stuffed away in a loft. We bought a new buggy because the other one was too large; it was given to charity so we did not have to pack it to return from holiday!Have a sort through and a clear out. if you have things that are no longer used/are no longer needed then try and sell them on and put the proceeds towards one of the debts. Have a car boot or sell things on e-bay. I think I've read on here somewhere that baby clothes sell well.

I have been guilty of spending this money too 'treating' her to presents when I went away with work, for only 1 night though. As well I have also bought far too many clothes in the past and had a wardrobe full of clothes bought because I 'liked' them not because I needed them. This is one trend I have already bucked and have persuaded my wife to do the same. After a mega clear out of all the stuff we never really wore we both have a capsule type wardrobe now. Everything we buy has to go with what we have already hanging up back at home and is only bought if we need it. The same applies for our daughter’s wardrobe too.you cannot go back in time and unspend money. You need to look to the future and not the past. You can change the future

In hindsight again we could have paid off our mortgage on our old flat had we been savvy enough at the time, which is a truly horrible thought. Thinking of what financial security we would have now, instead we are renting!Well, many people on these boards move from the debt-free boards to the mortgage-free boards when they are debt free. It might not be now, but it doesn't mean never!

So in summary I have no idea what we have spent the best part of £25,000 on. No doubt others will also be in the same boat thinking exactly the same. I do know we have to turn the tide and start paying our debts. I want to be able to give a secure future for my wife and daughter and this is day one of getting there.It doesn't really matter what the money has been spent on so long as you address any current (and future) spending so that you are not spending more than you earn, and you are managing to reduce the debts that you currently have.

The plan is this for me, and I say me as I will have to be the one to raise this subject up.

1. Stop procrastinating - it will not go away on it's own, we need to work at this
2. Speak to my wife about how bad things are
3. Write down the numbers on a piece of paper - can't deal with what you don't know
4. Budget - everything needs to be budgeted for
5. Save - switch what we can to save money
6. Loan - will we be better to get a loan? Time to do some math's
7. Repay, repay, repay - whatever we have at the end of the month goes to paying off something
8. Be debt free - wohoo

How long will it take me? Well first four steps should be done by the end of this week. Step five and possibly six (if we go this route) by the end of next week.This is a very good plan to have. If you fill in the SOA and post it here I am sure that you will get lots of advice and tips.

So step seven. Well given the budget calculators I have used (CCCS and my own personal Excel one) we should, in theory, be able to do this in around 5 years. Now I want a firm number to aim for so will declare this for all too see once it is set.It's good to have a goal, just make sure that it is realistic, or you'll not be able to sustain it

But, yes but, there are some things we need to budget for which ironically we don't for at the moment. This will involve putting some money aside each month to remove the stings we get each time they come round. So what is on this list...?

· Christmas
· Birthdays
· Holiday
· Ourselves

It seems ironic that I am sitting here typing out about how much in debt we are yet I mention the above. Having a close personal friend who is now debts free (good motivator for me) one thing I remember is not making seem as if you are going without. Now for me Christmas and New Year has always been a budgeted amount, I just never saved or planned for it, same with birthdays. Holidays we just 'paid for' out of the joint account or on a card! And money for us (my wife and I) well I seem to spend whatever I want and never think of what I have spent. I need to say that I have an amount each month and that is it. My target will be not spend this each month but save it and then make a larger payment at the end of the year.

So this is it then the start, day one, it begins!

Thanks for reading this. I know I feel calmer having put this here and declaring my status, the future looks a lot nicer now.

Hi,

I have made some comments above -I hope that they help.
Well done on facing your debts, and well done for posting.

Good luck on your debt-free journey,

D9

sxhall

Domino9 wrote: »

Hi,

I have made some comments above -I hope that they help.
Well done on facing your debts, and well done for posting.

Good luck on your debt-free journey,

D9

Thanks D9, we have already put in to action some of the above and are working our way through a list of 'things to do'

sxhall

Hello again,

So let's see how we are doing on the plan then!

1. Stop procrastinating - it will not go away on it's own, we need to work at this - Have stopped procrastinating already,this thread is proof of that I think!
2. Speak to my wife about how bad things are - Spoke to my wife about our debt problem
3. Write down the numbers on a piece of paper - can't deal with what you don't know - Done this as well, it is less overall than we thought, only £23k, only!
4. Budget - everything needs to be budgeted for - We have a budget plan for the next month, see below for more on what we have done as a budget
5. Save - switch what we can to save money - This is in the budget
6. Loan - will we be better to get a loan? Time to do some math's - To do still, need to do some more maths to evaluate this one further
7. Repay, repay, repay - whatever we have at the end of the month goes to paying off something - In the budget and planned for
8. Be debt free - wohoo - looking more likely than ever before

So we did a budget. We wrote down all our money coming in and going out on living costs, rent, electric, food etc. Then we declared our debts on cards and overdrafts and put monthly figures against them. Sure enough somewhere each month we spend around £400 and we have no idea on what! Our budget covers everything we pay out, and I mean everything. It even has a section for things that will only come out once a year like holiday and birthdays which we never had before. So new plan to attack the debt has risen.

The plan involves paying of a credit card and a loan to the tune of £4k from some money we had aside from the sale of our flat a couple of years back. This will give back some £250 per month to the paying of kitty and will allow us to start to hammer the bigger numbers. At the end of each month we are sitting down to review where we are with our money and to see if any numbers need t be changed. If we are right with our numbers there should be a minimum of £300 pound 'spare' (!) to go on to one of the credit cards.

We are not sure if our approach is the best one or not but most importantly to us we are both happy with the monthly numbers and the approach we have chosen.

So last night was difficult but ironically light hearted as we went through our debt, to me it is like I have won a little battle by facing it. My wife although very anxious when it was first raised up is getting to the same place I am as well.

As a side we have found a bootsale to go to to sell things we no longer need and I have priced up some collectable cars on ebay as well. Every penny earned will go to paying something off as well.

The best thing is I slept well last night

beanielou

Glad that you slept well last night.
Keep posting in your shiney new diary.