What happens when you're a stay at home mum and can't pay debts?

emma12345

I'm a SAHM, other half works and earns around £2200 a month, more when he gets overtime.

OH gives me £1000 to pay mortgage and some of the bills. However about £500 is paid towards my credit card bills each month, mostly interest, and with everything going up and more to pay I don't think I can manage this any more. I do whatever I can to earn from home but it's not enough really.

I don't have an expensive lifestyle, no flat screen TV's, haven't had a holiday for many many years, never go out, rarely buy clothes except for essentials for children, only earn one pair of shoes, one bag etc - you get the picture. Have been living frugally I think for many years. Well existing really!

So what would happen if I said to 4 credit card companies I can't afford the minimum payments and want to pay a reduced amount? What would they do considering I don't earn the income, OH does. Do they take household income into account?

I fully intend paying every penny back in time but am under so much stress and worry I'm kind of frozen with worry! If most of my money wasn't going to interest I'm sure I could make income and expenses balance. The feeling of panic which comes every time a new expense comes up (about 5 times a day) might go down and I could think clearly again and work towards repaying these debts.

Help, please.

Daisy70

Sorry to ask, but if you live life so frugally, how have you racked up debts on four credit cards? What have you spent on them?

HappyMJ

emma12345 wrote: »

I'm a SAHM, other half works and earns around £2200 a month, more when he gets overtime.

OH gives me £1000 to pay mortgage and some of the bills. However about £500 is paid towards my credit card bills each month, mostly interest, and with everything going up and more to pay I don't think I can manage this any more. I do whatever I can to earn from home but it's not enough really.

I don't have an expensive lifestyle, no flat screen TV's, haven't had a holiday for many many years, never go out, rarely buy clothes except for essentials for children, only earn one pair of shoes, one bag etc - you get the picture. Have been living frugally I think for many years. Well existing really!

So what would happen if I said to 4 credit card companies I can't afford the minimum payments and want to pay a reduced amount? What would they do considering I don't earn the income, OH does. Do they take household income into account?

I fully intend paying every penny back in time but am under so much stress and worry I'm kind of frozen with worry! If most of my money wasn't going to interest I'm sure I could make income and expenses balance. The feeling of panic which comes every time a new expense comes up (about 5 times a day) might go down and I could think clearly again and work towards repaying these debts.

Help, please.

If you do not earn anything then you do not have to pay anything.....but in doing so that will absolutely destroy your credit rating and it is something to be avoided at all costs. You can opt to reduce your repayments but that will also have the same affect as your credit agreements will all go into default. You need to get lower interest rates on your debts by refinancing them to lower rate cards and not getting into any more debt.

If you are living as a couple then you should be sharing your OH's income 50/50 between you so with your half you need to spend as little as possible on anything at all.

Would you like to post a combined SOA to see if the there are any joint expenses in your family that could be reduced to free some up to clear your debts quicker?

Are you claiming every benefit you are entitled to? Child tax credits?

emma12345

Just day to day expenses being higher than my income really. These are long term credit card debts. If children desperately needed something - clothes, school trips etc - I seem to need to pay money for something for school nearly every day - then credit card paid for them.

The debt hasn't really gone up by much in the last 3 years - probably by no more than £3000. However the interest rate has gone up to up to 30% on them in some cases, hence the minimum payment has rocketed.

Also household repairs - radiators flooded, many times! Turned them off and put bowls under the drips for over a year. But house was getting damp so no choice but to repair. Things like that.

Just in a spiral and don't see a way of getting out of it. Wondered what the credit card companies would do if said no to paying 30% interest, as have done this for years and can see nothing changing.

Before long my youngest will be grown up. She is 9. Her only holiday has been a short weekend break in a caravan in Weymouth 5 years ago. She has few opportunities and things her school friends have. I have been paying this money to the credit card companies for years. Now things are getting harder. I would work, I would do anything to turn it around but I don't see any options any more.

emma12345

Thank you HappyMJ for your reply. OH won't share income/expenses 50/50. When daughter was born he had an affair and ran away from his responsibilities. Long story short it didn't work out and so 4 years later I let him come back for childrens sake on the understanding that we both worked and shared both our income and expenses. So one person wasn't living as a prince (him) and the other a pauper (me) as had happened before.

He got through the door and that didn't happen. No, he wouldn't do any shared childcare so we could both work. And his money was his and I would get what he told me. I pay the mortgage, council tax, insurances, water, TV licence, credit card bills, phone bills, internet and most children's expenses.

I just need to turn this around. I don't know how. I don't really want to trash my credit rating as this is what I've been struggling so many years for - so I could keep my credit rating and move house.

For 9 years I seem to be living a struggling half existence and I despair but I don't know how to turn it around.

If I just tell credit card companies I can't pay and would they freeze the interest what will happen next? Would they say don't be ridiculous as you have a high (£36K) household income? This is true but it's not MY income.

I have said to OH a million times I would go out to work then he could stay at home but the answer is always no.

Growurown

HappyMJ wrote: »

but in doing so that will absolutely destroy your credit rating and it is something to be avoided at all costs.

Oh I don't know about that. I quite like the fact my credit rating is rubbish. No more arguments with OH about spending money on CC's we can't afford. :rotfl:

emma12345 wrote: »

Just day to day expenses being higher than my income really. These are long term credit card debts. If children desperately needed something - clothes, school trips etc - I seem to need to pay money for something for school nearly every day - then credit card paid for them.

The debt hasn't really gone up by much in the last 3 years - probably by no more than £3000. However the interest rate has gone up to up to 30% on them in some cases, hence the minimum payment has rocketed.

Also household repairs - radiators flooded, many times! Turned them off and put bowls under the drips for over a year. But house was getting damp so no choice but to repair. Things like that.

Just in a spiral and don't see a way of getting out of it. Wondered what the credit card companies would do if said no to paying 30% interest, as have done this for years and can see nothing changing.

Before long my youngest will be grown up. She is 9. Her only holiday has been a short weekend break in a caravan in Weymouth 5 years ago. She has few opportunities and things her school friends have. I have been paying this money to the credit card companies for years. Now things are getting harder. I would work, I would do anything to turn it around but I don't see any options any more.

Have you been on the CCCS website and filled in their debt remedy pages? This might help to show you your options, and give you an idea of whether you are trying to manage on too little money.

doobiesis_2

I think your OH is getting off lightly! if it was me I would make a spreadsheet of all your outgoings and split that in half, including food shopping and all bills. It costs more than £1000 a month to run a household.

I do hope you get it sorted

emma12345

doobiesis wrote: »

I think your OH is getting off lightly! if it was me I would make a spreadsheet of all your outgoings and split that in half, including food shopping and all bills. It costs more than £1000 a month to run a household.

I do hope you get it sorted

Thanks, with four to five hundred a month going to the credit card companies I find it tough to pay most of the mortgage and bills out of the remaining £500 + £81 child benefit. Usually I make up the money doing things online but with bills going up by 10 to 20% and more and more school etc expenses coming at me from all ways I don't know what to do.

Earn more, I know, but how, I've tried everything and I'm too down to keep trying more. OH won't do any childcare so I don't really have the evenings to work online.

I tried to get him to talk about it at least a day but he just says get a job. Tried that before. He refused to pick daughter up from school (having said he would beforehand) so I couldn't keep job as can't be in two places at once. This has happened many times.

He then starts shouting and abusing me. Told him to go (to work). He then screams and shouts abuse and many lies. I get fed up, tell him if he doesn't go to work and stop being abusive I will get police to make him go. He says he hopes I die a slow and painful death and leaves.

I am stuck. In this situation and making ends meet. I can't win.

tallyhoh

Hi Emma, I really feel for you having been in the same position. You may consider (as I did) whether to continue the situation with hubby. I really shouldnt say this but you may be better off claiming benefits as a single parent.

Check out entitledto for benefit advice.

immoral_angeluk

There are issues here much bigger than the debt. In short your husband sounds like an absolute pig :eek:

Call CCCS/National debtline or CAB re the debt, but you should also look at getting advice about your relationship or having a big long think about whether your relationship is healthy to be in long term...

FireWyrm

emma12345 wrote: »

Thanks, with four to five hundred a month going to the credit card companies I find it tough to pay most of the mortgage and bills out of the remaining £500 + £81 child benefit. Usually I make up the money doing things online but with bills going up by 10 to 20% and more and more school etc expenses coming at me from all ways I don't know what to do.

Earn more, I know, but how, I've tried everything and I'm too down to keep trying more. OH won't do any childcare so I don't really have the evenings to work online.

I tried to get him to talk about it at least a day but he just says get a job. Tried that before. He refused to pick daughter up from school (having said he would beforehand) so I couldn't keep job as can't be in two places at once. This has happened many times.

He then starts shouting and abusing me. Told him to go (to work). He then screams and shouts abuse and many lies. I get fed up, tell him if he doesn't go to work and stop being abusive I will get police to make him go. He says he hopes I die a slow and painful death and leaves.

I am stuck. In this situation and making ends meet. I can't win.

Well! That cant carry on can it....

Much as it pains me to suggest someone voluntarily goes on the social, in your case, it's there for exactly the situation you are facing, abusive husband, trapped in a nasty marriage. Kick his sorry backside into touch, go to your local CAB office and start procedings to register for social benefits, get your creditors under control and start a new life. You will get help falling on you from every which a way and the CSA will take what THEY think is right straight from his paypacket! Somewhere down the line, you'll find someone new, who isnt an abusive s**t and you'll look back on this and laugh.