Ferry's personal thoughts....

ferry

Hi all
Not the normal way I’d go posting on an internet forum but I’m feeling really low at the moment .
Just been told that there could only be 8 weeks work left as we’re on a extended contract and I guess this is my main worry-the future. Having never been out of work (I’m now 42) and have always been able to provide my with a reasonable standard of living (nothing fancy or extravagant ever) all these years the thought of having to tell my wife and kids we cant go somewhere and treat them now and again really hurts. I keep thinking about the basic “ what if’s” like my sons dinner money, school clothes, birthdays etc.
On top of this we’ve worked really hard to make our house a home and fear that this will be taken away from us if we cant meet the mortgage payments. I’m not sure I can cope with losing our home.
All this is borne from the uncertainty of me potentially not being in work. My wife works P/T due to kids and is a wonderful wife and mother, helps financially as much as possible and I can talk to her –I’m really lucky in that respect but I think circumstances are beyond my control.
I’m fearful of falling into depression as I nearly did a few years ago when we were in a bit of a financial issue. But feel I have to remain strong –at least on the outside-to my family.
I’ve started applying for other roles but you all know what the climate is like out there so I guess we’ll see what happens but I hate all this uncertainty. I just want to get on with ‘life’.
I guess these things are sent to test us….oh, and I may see you over on the debt free wannabee boards in a few weeks if things don’t work out.
I just thought I would share my thoughts with you.
Apologies for the long post, I’m kind of glad this is anonymous but thanks for ‘listening’
Ferry x

Pollycat

Sorry to hear that you have this uncertainty to live with, I hope things don't get that bad.

Don't wait to go on the Debtfree board, do it now, post your SOA, see where you can cut your spends.

It might make you feel more in control.

Maybe also look at the Benefits board to see what you might be entitled to should the worst happen.

On certain benefits, lots of things kick in.
You might be entitled to Council Tax Benefit, free school meals.
There's also something called SMI - Support for Mortgage Interest which pays the interest (not arrears or capital) for 2 years (after a 13 week waiting period) up to a certain amount (£31 per week).
If you're on some benefits, the 2 year limit doesn't apply.
Also check out directgov website.

I'd advise you not to 'remain strong on the outside to your family' - at least not to your wife.
Tell her how you feel, bottling it up and putting a brave face on things isn't going to do any of you any good if it makes you ill.

Good luck.

HeatherintheHills

I feel for you Ferry, that "unknown" feeling when you face the loss of a job is absolutely awful.

The only advice I can give you is not to bury your head in the sand. Explain to your family what is happening and ask them to help you to reign in expenditure until you find work again.

You sound like a good and caring man, I'm sure your family would rather help you tackle the issue and keep as clear of debt as much as possible, than have the financial difficulties hidden from them and discover later that you have tried to carry this burden alone and paid the price by becoming depressed.

You obviously love your family, please don't do them the injustice of thinking that they measure their love for you by what you can provide.

ferry

Its becuase of the posts above- full of support and advice- that I decided to break protocol and post my thoughts.

Thank you
Ferry

Spendless

I feel for you too. It's horrible to have uncertainty hanging over you. Please confide in your wife. You'll neeed her onboard to help you all through this if the job does end.

On a practical level of suggestions. How many hours does your wife work? If it's 24+ per week she could claim working tax credit even with you not working. If it's under you'd probably qualify for other benefits like free school meals. A school run Mum informed me today that there's only 9 weeks left of this term, might be a week or 2 different, depending on where you live, but if you are worrying about things like school lunches it'll take take you upto when your contract may finish.

Do you have any insurances that would kick in if you lost your job eg mortgage protection?

sassyblue

Don't forget Ferry to ring your mortgage provider and switch to interest only for the time being.

This site was posted a couple of weeks ago and has lots of ideas for cutting down on food bills with the recipes:
http://www.cheap-family-recipes.org.uk/index.html?opt=rcost

Wishing you the best of luck that something comes up soon. xxx

ferry

Spendless wrote: »

I feel for you too. It's horrible to have uncertainty hanging over you. Please confide in your wife. You'll neeed her onboard to help you all through this if the job does end.

On a practical level of suggestions. How many hours does your wife work? If it's 24+ per week she could claim working tax credit even with you not working. If it's under you'd probably qualify for other benefits like free school meals. A school run Mum informed me today that there's only 9 weeks left of this term, might be a week or 2 different, depending on where you live, but if you are worrying about things like school lunches it'll take take you upto when your contract may finish.

Do you have any insurances that would kick in if you lost your job eg mortgage protection?

Hi Spendless and thanks for the advice.
My wife works only 14 hours contractual hours a week but I guess benefits would have to help support us hopefully in the short term.(We already get around £90 jointly claimed tax credits per month but this may of course go up or down once finalised )
No insurances as my contract states the role is fixed term but extendable
and I believe no one will insure against those terms

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You haven't lost your home yet. You haven't even lost your job yet.

So don't assume it's all going to be a disaster and start catastrophising about what you're going to do when the house is lost. That'll get you ill far quicker than shrugging your shoulders (metaphorically) and looking for alternatives.

You've got two months warning, so plenty of time to start getting everything in order, cutting back on unnecessary purchses/subscriptions and the like, both you looking for fulltime and your OH looking to get a few more hours from somewhere. You might end up looking after the kids for a little bit more if she can get over 24 hours work before you do, but I'm sure you'll enjoy that. I'll bet the kids will, too.


Have a proper look at what you spend on food, look at how much can be shaved off your bills and debts - use a cashback site, such as Quidco, when looking for a new utilities provider, household insurance and the like - that way you can get a reduced bill, plus a small lump sum in a couple of months. You can even get paid to get a quote for your car insurance, you don't have to actually change it. Get over to the other boards and they can help practically with the finance side, start looking at ways to reduce the food budget - instead of buying readymeals, could you help by cooking meals in bulk and freezing portions so they are as convenient, but far cheaper? Could the kids have basics fish fingers instead of fancy ones (they're the same fish, most of the time, it's just packaging). Could you swap to having chicken thighs in curries, buying in bulk and freezing them in bags, instead of buying fresh breast fillets?


It's not so much that you have to remain strong, it's that you must remain active. By doing such things, you're not being passive and expecting the worst, you're doing something about the things you can influence.

And if you are feeling unwell, get yourself to the doctors BEFORE depression rears its ugly head, goes 'oh, what's the use?' and slumps back down under the duvet. Most illnesses are less severe, have fewer negative effects and are brought under control/end quicker when they are treated quickly, before they have a chance to set in. Depression is no different. I'm willing to wager 20p that you didn't seek treatment for depression for months when you did have it.




Trust us. Taking action before there's a huge problem is empowering, whether with health, money or relationships. You'll feel better for doing it.