Dramaqueen - the return!

Well Hello all MSErs!

It has been a while - nay blooming ages - since I have visited these pages and mingled amoungst all you money conscience folk - and I have missed you!

Last year this blog was my friend, my focus and whilst I am still in debt I received such an education that I am now in much more control and financial calm than I ever have been before. But I'm not debt free.

So what has changed since my last ramblings...the biggest thing is a new job. Last year I was doing lots of promotions for a legal company and at the end of last year they offered me a promotion of my own! I was offered a co-managerial role with a woman who was returning after maternity leave and who could only work 3 days a week. They needed some one for the other days and with my powers of negotiation I am now working 4 days a week for them :) The wage is good and there is the chance for commission etc, but it's not so much how much I earn as opposed to earning it reguarly that has been the biggest change. Before this job I was an actor, working odd jobs, for odd money and never really knowing from one month to the next how much was going to be coming in. Now, I am paid every 2 weeks, and have finally been able to save towards my debts!

I was talking to a girlfriend recently about the joy of having choice. And how not ever really having choice before has taught me some valuable lessons. All my adult life I have always had to choose the most clever, most financially savy option - whether that was swapping to a new energy provider or using value brands with extra herbs to make something tasty. Now I have the option of buying (almost - within reason) what I want, I find myself hesitating. I am not rushing for the designer glasses, the imported ingedients or the italian shoes. I am buying what I need, when I need it and usually the brand or products I always have done. This is partly because I know I am not out of troubled water yet and need to focus on clearing my debts properly - hence this blog - but I think it also shows me that I understand the value of money...not really ever having had much of it before. And I'm relieved! I went to buy some new glasses recently and due to my direct debit agreement for contact lenses this shop gave me a 50% discount on the price of new specs. I imediately picked up a pair of Pr4da glasses, pricer than necessary for plastic frames because at 50% off I could realistically afford them. Did I buy them? No. because I found a cheaper pair that suited me better, and whilst I really enjoyed courting the idea of buying them, having a staus symbol I could display proudly on my face, I chose what suited me better...the cheaper unknown brand that made me look nice and not like a bill board advertisement!

So with a regular wage why haven't I made a start on my debts before now? Why have I got some semblance of savings instead of a lower credit card balance? I think I'm afraid...firstly not having enough money at the end of the month has made me want to hang on to what I do have incase something comes up and I don't want to be in that same poition any more - this way I know I have money there incase I need it. And secondly I'm afraid of my potential with out the weight around my neck. Without a debt - without an excuse - what is stopping me acheiving all the things in life I aspire to? Nothing. So what if I don't acheive them? See, this way I have an excuse and a reason if I don't get there. Without my debt there is no excuse...no reason. I realise this is a screwed up logic but I think it;s the same as people who say they want to loose weight because it will make them happier, but don't because they know deep down if they got skinny they would still be unhappy..

Maybe its the end of a long day and I'm tierd, but maybe this is really and truly the beginning of the road to being debt free, and becoming the woman I know I can be.

Night everyone x
VIRGIN £1336.00 EGG £1759.58 HSBC £2177.39
Total=£5272.97
(£250 Nov £250 Dec VIRGIN) Promotions 5/5 Oct 2/6 Nov
Total at start of renewed effort = £5395.98 :o
Total at start of Diary 6th Dec 2010 = £5812.73 :o
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