I need to vent! Bridesmaid Issues!!!

Cleverclogs

Grrrrr, I need to vent! I get married in less than 6 weeks, and I have two bridesmaids - both my younger sisters. Now the eldest of the two has b***hed about everything from the dress (it is beautiful!), the shoes (she was free to choose whatever she liked as long as they were ivory/cream), to whinging when I say she'll need to help me on the day with my dress/bouquet/bag/getting to the loo! Bearing in mind I have DIY-ed my wedding myself with very little help - and all I've asked her to do is put on the dress, show up and smile!

Months ago she said she would be too busy to organise my hen do (she is a student nurse and mum of two) which I completely understood, so I asked my two best friends to organise a surprise hen do for me, with my sister's help. I still don't know the details but I know from some of the other hens that my friends have done a great job. They've kept costs down (my only requirement!), and organised different bits to the weekend, so people can come for specific elements if they can't make the whole weekend. However, my sister felt the need to snipe and make comments to me about how it hasn't been organised or communicated well. I've since checked with some of the other hens and they know what's happening, are happy with what's been done so far, so clearly my sister is just being mean.

She hasn't been very involved in the planning. And the only interest she shown has been in her appearance for the day. And now she has told me she's bought hair extensions for the wedding, which I HATE. In fact, I have given in to everything she has wanted thus far but fake hair is the only thing I said I didn't want.

I'm pretty sure the hen party b**ching is because she feels guilty she wasn't more involved, or maybe with the benefit of hindsight she's annoyed I asked my friends to organise it - despite her agreeing to it at the time. And I think there is a bit of the green-eyed monster in there somewhere. And at the end of the day, if she wants to come looking like a TOWIE-extra (I don't want to offend but I hate that fake look), she will. And I'll forgive her because I love her very much. She is my sister. I'm just upset by her behaviour and I have no idea how to address it without coming over all bridezilla!

Ahhhhh that's better. It's good to let it out!

bride2be2012

oh Cleverclogs, are you sure we are not the same person lol?! Almost all my wedding stress has come from my bridesmaids, one of whom is one of my younger sister.

She's been the same really. Always too busy to go dress shopping, lost interest in the hen night when she realised there was no way I wanted a drunken rabble kind of night out, keeps dropping sarky comments about the fact I'm not having a fake tan (with you on the TOWIE look, it's not good!), she's not coming to meet OHs family for drinks the night before the wedding as she doesn't see the point in just having drinks - she wants a full on night out on the town. I could go on.

My way of dealing with it - ignoring her and all the sarky comments. It's just not worth the hassle anymore. She can mouth off and sulk all she wants, I don't care, it's my day not hers - however much she tries to make it about her!

Idiophreak

I see so many threads like this on these boards and they make me really sad...and I hate to say it, but I find myself thinking "why are these people bridesmaids in the first place?".

Is it just a sense of obligation, or are they really the best people can manage?

Seems the OP would have been better off having her friends as bridesmaids, as they actually seem to give a hoot about the thing.

I think a lot of people forget that being asked to be involved in someone's wedding, whether as a bridesmaid, a best man, usher etc is an honour, but it comes with certain responsibilities (most notably not stressing out the bride!)...if people don't want, or don't have time, to take on this responsibility, I don't get why they agree to be bridesmaids in the first place.

bride2be2012

well, in my case I asked my sister because she is my sister, as I assume the OP has.

We've never been particularly close, I (perhaps nievely) thought by asking her to be bridesmaid might bring us closer and make her grow up a bit (she's almost 21).

Most of the tantrums she has thrown though, are pretty much how she carrys on in day to day life if things aren't suiting her, therefore I carry on like I do in day-to-day life - ignoring them as much as possible. She used to stress me out with them, but I've since learnt she shuts up quicker if I ignore her, and life's to short to be worrying about keeping her happy all the time, at the expense of my own happiness.

Have got to say though, my other bridesmaid (best friend) has been a star, despite being full time nursing student, mum of two and just had her hubby (who's in the forces) posted out to Afghan for the first time.

Idiophreak

Cleverclogs wrote:

she is a student nurse and mum of two

bride2be2012 wrote: »

Have got to say though, my other bridesmaid (best friend) has been a star, despite being full time nursing student, mum of two and just had her hubby (who's in the forces) posted out to Afghan for the first time.

Hang on, so she's a mother of two training to be a nurse?
Maybe it's the same person as is supposed to be OP's bridesmaid? Maybe that's why she doesn't have time to help OP, because she's busy helping you out

Catty212

Can you not have a quick word with Mam or Dad? Get them to say they've noticed shes being a cow?

bride2be2012

lol, Idiophreak. It is uncanny how many similarities me and Cleverclogs have between our weddings though!

Cleverclogs

Lol I think we ARE the same person Bride2Be! Having vented I felt a bit better and I'm with you on just ignoring it. It can get annoying though!

Idiophreak - I'm having a small wedding and I didn't want huge numbers of bridesmaids. I thought long & hard about whether to ask my friends but if I had gone down that road, I'd still have had to ask my 2 sisters, and I'd probably have had to ask a further 2 friends as we're all in the same group! So I'd have ended up with 6!

However, me & said sister are very close, so I wouldn't even have considered not asking her, but that's probably why I'm feeling more affected by her behaviour. I thought that she more than anyone would have been interested/supportive. But meh. I think she's just not used to me being the centre of attention and wants to make sure she's noticed!

ampafc

You know you never get a groom !!!!!ing about his best man or groomsman in the way that brides do with their bridesmaids.

Sorry that's not any help at all, just an observation.

Why can't women just talk to each other and be grown ups to get situations like these resloved? Baffling.

Roz_V

ampafc wrote: »

You know you never get a groom !!!!!ing about his best man or groomsman in the way that brides do with their bridesmaids.

Sorry that's not any help at all, just an observation.

Why can't women just talk to each other and be grown ups to get situations like these resloved? Baffling.

Visit the bridezilla thread and see the number of groomzillas on there with best man problems!!!! Men are just as bad as women