How do you handle being in a DMP?

gemma1983

Hi everyone im new here. Im a single mum to a 2 year old little boy and after my sons father and i split up i decided to face issues head on starting with my £15k debt. This has built up over time with credit cards, catalogues and a loan. After i split with my partner i have basically been on my own and struggled to keep up payments. I entered into a DMP last August. My question to you guys is how do you handle being in a DMP? I even now dread the thought of my phone ringing or coming home from work to open letters even though i know i am doing my upmost to face my debt and pay it all back at a rate i can afford. I feel so ashamed and that i have somehow failed my son as i had to move back home with my parents :-( although they do not know about my debt which is awful keeping it from them. How do you deal with the situation you are in emotionally? Some days i really struggle to stay positive and other days i feel stupid, afterall it is only money and i am.extreamly grateful that i have my aon and we are both healthy. But this debt malarky seems to have a hold over me like a big black cloud and i cant help but feel so disappointed in myself. Does anyone else ever feel like this and how do you deal with it?

andy1886

Hi Gemma , best of luck with your dmp , didn't want to read your post and not offer a comment . I started my dmp 2 years ago and will be on it for about 4 more years . Yes I felt I failed because my finances spiralled out of control and I let the family I support down but with time and support and advice off here I now feel in control financially , and look to the future where the money my creditors get will one day be surplus money for us to enjoy . I wont make the same mistake again !!!
I dont worry about the phone ringing because in my circumstance it never has and once my dmp was up and running I never received any mail other than monthly statements with default notices but once I understood what these were they dont bother me now , again just looking to the future when these defaults drop off my credit file so I can get a mortgage . The only creditor I have any problems with is Barclaycard but I am not alone with this , if they are one of your creditors there are plenty of people on this forum who will offer help in how to deal with them .
Once again , best of luck , think what you have learned from the experience and look to the future for yourself and your son , it gets easier to live with , honestly . You work , have reduced your outgoings by moving in with your parents and faced your self perceived "failing" nothing more you can do but see out time and plan for a more secure and happier future .

Mort

Have a read through these threads to see what experience others have, it may help you realise that although you are on your own there are others making the same journey as you.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3723081

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/581094

Being on a DMP can be frustrating as there is no quick win of paying a debt of quickly, but the eventual peace and quiet gained when the creditors come on board is worth it. As is the month by month reduction in the total debt amount, keeping track of this helped me.

gemma1983

Thank you so much for your responses. I know you are right in the fact that each month my debt is coming down and i am so proud of myself for not using any form of credit since August last year and now i can budget my money so i know what i ave to spend each week after the essentials are paid, something i wish i learnt when i was younger! The phone doesnt ring anymore but my heart still skips a beat when an 0800 number flashes up on my phone even though its usually someone trying to sell something! and i only get statements through but like you said its with the default notices or to tell me how much in arrears i am. I am really looking forward too being debt free in approx 3 years so that i dont have this hanging over me whilst my son is growing up and i will do my upmost to ensure he knows the value of money and how to.save for items he wants. The lesson i have learnt through this whole process is how.i just took money for granted and how i was niave to think tli would never end up in this situation! i have only recently discovered this forum and it is a relief to know that im not the only one in this mess. Lesson has been seriously learnt!

antonic

@Gemma1983

Take heart from my story.

I am single and 46 working full time for the Government.

In Oct 2005 I was £22000 in debt with 3 credit cards and an overdraft and was making monthly debt payments of approx £600 and my take home pay was about £900/month.

At that point I decided I needed to sort it out so I contacted Payplan (at the suggestion of HBOS).

I made my first payment in Dec 2005 as part of an 87 month DMP.

Due to increases in my monthly payments the length of my DMP is now 84 months, and I now have 7 payments left till I clear my debts.

At times it has been hard especially when it started and I had 87 months to go, I dealt with it by looking at it in year blocks and so now I have only 7 months to go.

If I can do it so can you and be strong about the fact that you have faced up to your debts, and if you need moral support come back here.

KR

Wee_Pilsbury

Hi there. Best of luck with your DMP - I know it's daunting but you really will get there in the end.

I did a self-administered DMP many moons ago and one thing I didn't do but wish now that I had done, was tell friends and family. I battled on in my DMP and nobody knew although some suspected perhaps. What that meant was that I felt obliged to attend all family celebrations as normal (and as normal meant spending money I didn't have :eek:) along with silly present buying when I really couldn't afford it. It made a tricky situation worse and one of my absolute low points was one Christmas when I had only been able to afford to buy my family presents from The More Store when they went to all the usual places like M&S etc - I really felt crumby I can tell you. The knock on effect of that was that from then on I used my credit card if I needed to get presents and that must have added a couple of years onto my DMP - it was mad!

If you can do it, fess up - I'm sure you'll get good support and understanding.

eyeopener2

Hi similar story if not time frame to Antonic.

Mine was originally 46 months (nothing compared to some I know) and I have 16 left. You can see the amounts in my sig.

I deal with it by having milestones eg the first one was passing £20k, then £15k, then £10k. I didn't look past the initial £20k milestone at first and then once passed I didn't look beyond the £15k. I have it all on spreadsheets and I know at what point I should reach the next milestone, whih rather than being a number this time is the "one year to go mark", and i'm not looking beyond reaching that at the moment. Just four more payments to go to reach that point.

Good luck on your journey.

E2

determined_new_ms

hi op I don't have any knowledge of dmps but when I read ur post I thought how lovely it must be for ur son (and ur parents) to grow up in an extended family. I was a lone parent for years without family support and we all suffered as a consequence. If the family life is happy its probably the best place for ur young one x

Hatecreditors.com

When I started my DMP 2 years ago I had £45,000 worth of debt. When I started the DMP, I didn't really see it as a goal to pay off all my debt, I just saw it as a reduction in monthly debt payments which would help with everyday living expenses.

2 years on, my debt has reduced to £25,000 which I never thought was possible!

It's amazing how just sitting back and letting the DMP run behind the scenes works so well.

I genuinely never thought I'd be debt free - ever. Now I'm looking forward to my debt free date and will never get in this situation again.

lantanna

Hi, It is really hard but you just have to keep yourself focused and on the bad days do something to take your mind off it. I'm 32 and have been on a DMP since last Sept. Between that and paying off a family loan I have very little money each month. From January I've been selling things on ebay to generate a small bit of extra cash. It isn't much but it really helps. Personally I feel like my life is on hold whilst I am on the DMP and I have a long way to go with it. It is hard not to be able to buy family and friends the gifts that you want too, say no to nights out and I know that people get frustrated with me as I can never suggest going out and when then do I cant. Anyway I look forward to the day that I am free from the debt and I can relax and actually enjoy the money that I work so hard for. I keep myself sane, by reading books, doing survey sites, lots of dog walking and also do some volunteer work to keep me busy in my free time. I haven't told my family either, they know I have had money troubles in the past and do not understand just blaming me for being so foolish. I find it easier just to carry on with what I am doing rather than have to listen to the rath. We know that we have been foolish ourselves so we don't need anyone else to tell us do we.
Keep your chin up and stick with it - you're doing well to pull yourself out of a mess and think of how you will feel once you have done it.