So ashamed

mamaodie

I have mental health issues and one of the 'symptoms' of my disorder is impulsiveness. When I am depressed I spend, when I am happy I spend. For instance one day three years ago I decided I needed a new car and applied for a £5k loan online with Lloyds, I was immediately accepted and the money put in my account within minutes. I was a single parent, on income support. The impulsiveness extends to more than just spending but those issues aren't related to this subject.

I am getting to grips with my MH issues and am a lot better than I have ever been (no more self harming and reckless behaviour for a long time), it's been a struggle but I feel that I have really got a handle on it now after years of being in the grips of it. I'm no longer a single parent (am now married with a baby) but our finances are in a right state as we are nearly £25k in debt.

At the moment we are paying around £600 in debt repayments each month. We have a 13.5k consolidation loan with just under 5 years left and around £12k in credit cards which are thankfully interest free for a while. The problem is our repayments are not sustainable as it isn't leaving anything after rent, bills and allowing £120 a week for food, petrol, clothes, baby items, the odd haircut for the men, school dinners once a week, dog food, presents for birthday parties and all the other expenses we have (though I breastfeed and use cloth nappies) for 2 adults, 2 children and a baby.

I have a spreadsheet with all expenses on and there is literally nothing at the moment we can reduce, for instance I can't cancel my mobile contract until May, we don't have Sky or the like. We aren't saving anything and really struggle when bills for car tax or anything like school shoes expense.

I don't know what to do. I am so ashamed of the situation that we are in. My husband works really hard and there are no more hours that he could do (he earns £20600pa), I can't work at the moment because of the baby and even if I did manage to get evening work when he is weaned the amount they'd take off of the child tax credits/housing benefit (just applied for HB) would mean that I wasn't working for anything (I have checked via the online calculators with varying hours) so it wouldn't help us financially.

What can I do? I have been reading about DMPs etc. If we went down that route would we be able to get a mortgage in the future? I feel I have robbed my children of a secure home and it breaks my heart the situation that we have ended up in because of me. I have lost so much of my life to MH problems and they are seemingly dictating my and their future as well.

Help Please can only constructive people answer, I'm down enough as it is and it's taken a lot to post this. I've been lurking for a while.

KirstyO

Well for a start you need congratulating on the progress you've made so far. After suffering from MH issues myself I know how hard it can be, and how desperate you can get to be self sufficient. You've taken massive strides to get this far.

From here onwards, the strides might reduce to smaller steps, but as long as they are in the right direction that's all that matters.

With regards to your debt I would speak to Citizens Advice or one of the debt charities. They will not try and sell you any solutions you don't need as they don't operate for commission (sales). They will help you fully figure out your debt (to exact pence) then they will advise you what the best course of action will be.

Once you've decided your course of action you should contact your creditors to let them know that you are in financial difficulty and that you are seeking the advice of (whichever organisation you choose). Then inform them that any further correspondance should be dealt with through your debt organisation. They will deal with all the paperwork and you can sit back knowing that you're paying back your debt responsibly (ie without getting yourself into further debt) and that as long as you're honest with your debt organisation, there is no need for them or your creditors to contact you, except for budget reviews and statements.

I hope some of what I have said helps. You will not be judged on here Welcome to the beginning of the rest of your life...

mytimetoshine2012

Hi Mamaodie,

:wave: Whilst I'm not the most knowledgeable about debts etc it may be a good idea to do an SOA so as people can make suggestions about where you may be able to save money.

We're all in this together so no judgement calls here!:D MHP's are horrible to deal with and I suffer periodically with depression so have some understanding of how horrible it is.

Good news, that I feel qualified to comment on is; 1) You are getting a grip on the situation; 2) You have made an active/pro-active start and 3) Your husband is on a reasonable wage and this is a good starting point.


Onwards and upwards.

MTTS

Tixy

Hi and welcome

Would it be worth posting up your figures / or the statement of affairs calculator to see if anyone can spot any possible savings you haven't thought of yourself? have you checked all your utilities/insurances etcare on the cheapest tariffs/with the cheapest suppliers?

Have you checked you are getting any benefit income you are entitled to?

How far short are you on your figures of being able to make the £600 repayments (thats afte budgeting monthly for annual costs like road tax etc that you mentioned)?

Have you missed any debt repayments yet?A DMP may well be a sensible option for you. It will make it difficult to get a mortgage for probably a 6-7year period (as your creditors will likely issue defaults against you, and these stay on for 6years), but it doesn't mean you will not be able to get a mortgage at some point in the future.

Glad to hear that you have sought help and feel like you are tackling you MH issues. I hope there is a way out for you going forward.

Worth talking to a debt charity about not just a DMP but also to see what other options might be suitable (eg if the majority debts are in your name you could possibly even consider bankruptcy - which sounds scary but in the right situation can be the right decision for some).

mamaodie

Thank you for your replies, I was feeling really desperate this afternoon!

As luck would have it the lady that has been dealing with our claim for HB called to say that I had been assessed, a letter was in the post but that we are entitled to £72 per week for the next 6 months. I actually had tears in my eyes and felt so choked up. The reason why it is only for 6 months is because I owned a house with my ex DH which is in near negative equity (the asking price would cover fees/oustanding mortgage but we might have to accept under the outstanding mortgage to get rid of it tbh) that is up for sale and he cannot get me off the mortgage/deeds.

This is a massive help and means that initially we can put a bit aside for emergencies and then start paying more off of our debt. I just hope to god we can shift the house.

On paper our income is fab (to me and a lot of people I'd imagine!) it's just the debt repayments that ruin everything. It makes me feel sick when I look at how much income we'd have outside of the bills if we didn't have debt! Before it seemed manageable but suddenly it all seems very frightening. For instance if my DH was poorly for a week and couldn't work then that (prior to HB) would have meant us being short for essential bills.

I just put our HB into the calculations I have and along with CTC, CB, wages and child maintenance our monthly income is now £2708 and our outgoings are £2371 which includes the £120 cash we withdraw each week for petrol, food and everything else and all our direct debits/standing orders.

KirstyO

What a relief that HB must have been for you

I'll be applying for mine when the lazy bum moves out in a few weeks time.. I'm hoping that with a rent of £475 and a nett income of around 910 they will be able to help out with something. And i'll get a CT discount too for living alone, which will help!

sickasachip13

Hey honey,

Don't beat yourself up about this. It's happened, look to the future not to the past. We've all made poor decisions in life, so be it. Do as the others say and put up an SOA so people can make helpful suggestions. You could go down the DMP route, CCCS or Payplan are the people to be with - don't be tempted by any company that charges for them NO MATTER what they claim! Have a look at the CCCS online debt remedy tool. I did a blog about going on a DMP, if you want to see it just google the info in my signature.

Well done for starting to deal with the debt issues. Onwards and upwards

SAAC x