deeply ashamed

skintnow

i really dont know what to do... im up to my eyes in debt with virtually no income. I have my own business but work as all but dried up...to supplement the lack of income i have used cc's for basics for paying the mortage hoping that things will pick up, but they havent.

im scared, i dont know who to turn to, money is fast running out. i havent access to anymore, and to be honest i dont want it.

Things are very dark at the moment, in my mind, i have considered taking my own life and to be rid of that twisting pain in my gut... i guess i am paralysed with fear of the unknown... this isnt me normally i am a confident bloke in his mid fortys, why have i failed so miserably?? i am a joke to my wife and family. its the cc debts that are spiralling out of control at 25k i cant even pay the minimum repayments.....

i feel sick just thinking about it, i havent slept for ages properly and its affecting my health.... i guess this is a last plea for help and guidance, before i do something silly.

camuk81

Ok skint now sounds like you've had your lightbulb moment, scary isn't it.

Let's start with a statment of affairs.

http://www.makesenseofcards.com/soacalc.html

Fill in the following link and post to here so we can see where you are and remember you are among people who won't judge and are here to help

Jennykins

Please don't do anything stupid. It is only money. I dont mean that in a patronising way, I know from my own experience that it takes up all your thoughts and totally drains you. But at the end of the day it's just money and thats nothing compared to your own wellbeing. Talking about the problem will help you deal with it. It sounds like your wife doesnt really know the situation? If so, tell her. When I told my bf about my financial state it was scary to do and I was sure he would leave but nope, he's supported me and I felt a lot better once I had let out the problem. I'd been dealing with it myself for too long. If you're not ready to talk to her then talk to anyone - someone you trust, a counsellor etc You should also speak to one of the debt charities for proper advice on what to do regarding your finances. I found Christians Against Poverty were amazing and so so supportive so I would recommend them. The woman I dealt with seemed to understand my mental state and was so non judgemental.
Things will get better. It might not seem like it right now but they really will.

[Deleted User]

Can I just say that i understand how you feel. I ran my own business and i worked for the last year without taking a single penny in wages. I know how it feels to wake up at 5am in the morning feeling sick and feeling like you're trapped and there's no way out. I just wanted to say that in my experience the fear of the unknown is the worst thing. Once you face up to the situation and start to deal with it it will not be as scary as living in constant fear and anxiety. I closed my business and it was a very difficult time (i'm still dealing with it all now, 9 months on) but i feel better for having a clear idea of what i'm dealing with instead of constantly living in fear. I had this strategy i used - every time i had to deal with something difficult, i imagined the worst case scenario and i got my head around that - what would i do if.... In reality most things don't result in the worst case scenario and so you find that dealing with them isn't as awful as you imagine.

Primavera_2

Hi there. I'm so sorry that things are so difficult for you at the moment.

I am by no means an expert, but would it be an option to perhaps find a part-time job until the business picks up? You would then a least have some regular income to ease things slightly. There maybe something out there that you can work around your current commitments.

merlot123

You are in need of help, try National debtline or CCCS, they will help you free of charge.

http://www.samaritans.org/

Please call the samaritans if you are feeling low or suicidal, remember these two things, creditors cannot have what you haven't got and Martin Lewis has said many times, he has never seen a debt problem that couldn't be solved, and yours is no different.

Please come back and let us help you.

I've copied the below from an article from martin Lewis.

"No debt problems are unsolvable. It mightn't be easy or quick, but there's always a route. Debts are urgent, they grow rapidly over time, and speedily spiral into trouble. The earlier you deal with ‘em, the easier they are to deal with.

As debt isn't just a finance issue, but feeds into all elements of your life, solutions are wide and varied; from cutting interest costs, budgeting, or simply where to find free, non-profit one-on-one help."


Heres the link to the full article:

http://www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/debt-help-plan?utm_source=forum&utm_medium=clicks&utm_campaign=resourcebar





merlot123

yagger

skintnow wrote: »

Things are very dark at the moment, in my mind, i have considered taking my own life and to be rid of that twisting pain in my gut... i guess i am paralysed with fear of the unknown... this isnt me normally i am a confident bloke in his mid fortys, why have i failed so miserably?? i am a joke to my wife and family. its the cc debts that are spiralling out of control at 25k i cant even pay the minimum repayments......

Please listen to the people here, I have come from the other side of some awful decisions I had to make because of business debts, they are now behind me by a number of years, I was declared bankrupt in 2009, things have stabilised I have a good job and have moved on. I lost my house I lost my business and everything. What I didn't lose is my family, we are much stronger as a unit, and in fact had another baby in 2010.

The hardest part is admitting there are problems, as a bankrupt I know I made some mistakes, but its only money mate, bits of paper that are meaningless in the long run. Please get some help your kids and wife needs you now more than anytime. You have not failed its just the economic climate these things happen, and a lot of good people have lost things, you are a young chap, you can come out of this in a very short space of time. And honestly your perspective will change once all the pressure is off you.

KirstyO

Just want to add further support here it's only numbers on paper. Now that you've faced up to it, the biggest step you can taken now is deciding whether your business is viable to keep running. If not (and much as you'll love it because it's yours), it might be time to get employed by someone else and let them worry about the running costs while you finally reap some reward for what you do. Once you've done this you can think about stopping your debts from getting any bigger. It won't happen overnight, and it wont be easy, I'm sure you're already making lots of sacrifices to keep all your heads above water. Once you've stopped the debt growing yourself, its only a percentage figure from the CCs that will make it any worse.

Then get some help from CCCS or Payplan (my experience is that if you don't want to talk to anyone straight away you can start number crunching on their websites and see what help they can offer before you enter into any plans with them). They will be able to tell you what option is best for you because THERE ARE LOTS OF OPTIONS FOR YOU!!! You might not know about many of them. I think it's national debtline who have a list of all sorts of debt resolving plans, starting with self managed all the way through to bankruptcy. You can see the benefits and costs of each one, who its suitable for and what the outcomes will be (debts written off, interest frozen, impacts on credit scores etc).

For now, deal with the immediate future and find some way of getting income (even if its car boot sales and selling stuff on ebay) and read read read read read. Take some advice for your own emotional wellbeing. And stick around here. There are people with bigger numbers than yourself (as many signatures will show you). Don't be scared to ask questions.

From experience I came on here as a scared 25 year old dealing with debt for the first time, I read and posted on here, started proceedings with the CCCS, wrote to my creditors and spoke to my boyfriend and best friend. Now I have a massive support network literally at my fingertips, some creditors are playing ball even before my DMP is set up, and things are not half as bad as before I started out. And all this has happened pretty much since the new year.

In 8 weeks time you could be in control.

Stay strong

PS - On the job front, would you be eligible for JSA if you're not getting regular work through your business?

eyeopener2

Hi

Just had a look at your previous thread where you had to leave your job 4 years ago, you must have been strong enough to get through that and set up your own business so you can work through this.

There is some good advice above, take it.

E2

shebangs

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