Giving up work to be a SAHM?

rach7210

This is my first proper post on MSE (although I have been reading the boards for years) so please be nice to me!

My partner and I have a 4 year old son and are expecting a baby girl in March. I returned to work when my son was 4 months old for financial reasons and have worked full time ever since. I am regularly late home and work most evenings when my son is in bed. I have now decided to bring my maternity leave forward (to now) as I am finding it all too tiring.

Our son will start school in September but should I return to work he will need before and after school care 5 days a week from 7.30am until 6pm (I rely on friends and family to collect him if I am running late from work). Our daughter would also require full time nursery/childminder care.

My partner and I have worked out that with the costs of 2 lots of childcare, business insurance, an office wardrobe, lunches and petrol etc, we would be no better off if I return to work. My partner takes the view that I should not return and should take the next few years out to spend time with the children.

My question is, has anyone in a similar situation given up work and regretted it? I am concerned about losing my independence and, if I'm honest, about going stir crazy being with children all day with little adult contact and no mental stimulation. Although my partner is 100% supportive of me and it is mostly him who wants me to give up work, I am also slightly worried about the effect of my changed role on our relationship, would he feel resentful towards me for not contributing financially to the household, might he think (although he'd never say it) that I was having the easy life while he was out working long and hard to provide for the family?

I'd be really interested to hear any experiences from people who've actually made the move from working mum to SAHM.....

red_devil

join here there are plenty of people in the same situation or who have been. www.homemakers.forumotion.co.uk. Its a special forum for anyone at home or stay at home wanabees.;)

narabanekeater

yes I did it. I left a store duty manager position in 2008 and have never looked back. My first DD was born in 2004 and after maternity I went back to work putting her in nursery. When DS was born in 2008 I realised while off with them both them how much of DD growng up id missed. We did a budget to see what nursery etc would cost for 2 and I soon realised it was cash wise pointless me working. I didnt mind a bit cause in my heart I knew I wanted to spend more time at home. Since then ive had a total career turn around and went to college and Uni part time and have retrained working with children and recently training to be a counseller. Truthfully its the best thing ive ever done. I should also say I had another baby last year. I go in now and listen to the children read at the older 2s school and I help run the school PTA.I am a much more laid back person now. I know im my heart if I hadnt have returned to work after DD1 in 2004 we couldnt have afforded this house or be where we are today but im so glad now that I did leave paid work.
Could you prehaps look at a work from home position or working when your partner doesnt?

dandelionclock30

Im not a SAHM,one thing you need to consider is will you be able to manage financially on your partners wages for a long time because if you give up your job now you might never get another as it is that bad trying to get a job.
Also if you split up with your partner how would you manage then as a lone parent on benefits?
You need to think about these things, its not just about what he wants and the immediate future at home, I think you have to consider the wider picture.

dizzyrascal

Could you use the time to train to do something that will fit in with their school lives. They will be at school for some years so it certainly would help if you could work when they are at school and holiday when they are at home.
I know that the people I work with who have school age children have to take all their holidays to cover half term and the summer break and it can be a real struggle to fit it all in. (this is assuming that you plan to return to work at some future point)
I only worked part time when I had my children (3 under 4 y o) but I did enjoy that bit of "freedom". It did cost me all I earned to pay a childminder though.
However, I thought it was a good compromise at the time or I would have gone bonkers.

boiler_man

Can't help re staying at home as I have always worked, but since the children part time. My major headache is covering school holidays and sometimes not being able to make sports day.

It has stopped my chance of promotion (if I want to stay part time), but it does keep my hand in to the work should I ever need to up my hours in the future.

If part time work is a consideration, it is worth asking your work to see if they can accommodate.

ohreally

Much will depend on your personal motivators and how your self-esteem will be longer term.

Everyone is different.

jollymummy

I stayed at home until my son started school after working full time all my working life. I'm so pleased that I did however, I did miss the mental stimulation, adult company and we were short of cash. I started doing a part time job selling houses on a weekend, and doing exam invigilation work around my husband and Mum loking after my son. It worked out as the best of both worlds.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

t0rt0ise

I was a SAHM which I think was best for the children but later as unfortunately I got divorced, I have found that I could never pick up my career where I left off and have never therefore earned the money or position in work that I would have otherwise have earned had I not taken a break. Given my time again I'd probably opt to work part-time as a sort of compromise.

VfM4meplse

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

you need to consider is will you be able to manage financially on your partners wages for a long time because if you give up your job now you might never get another as it is that bad trying to get a job.

I don't think that you'd bever get any job again, but re-entering the job market where you left off will be undoubtedly tough, esp if you want some flexibility. In your position I would take the full year's maternity leave and see how you feel about leaving your baby at that point. I suspect you will actually miss your job.

t0rt0ise wrote: »

I have found that I could never pick up my career where I left off and have never therefore earned the money or position in work that I would have otherwise have earned had I not taken a break. Given my time again I'd probably opt to work part-time as a sort of compromise.

Good advice - but leave the door open to go back to f/t work. The other option if you really want to be a SAHM is to have some kind of private enterprise in mind.