Struggling :(

bethan.haf

Hi all,

first time posting on here!
I'm Beth - a 29yr old staff nurse who's working full time and really struggling to make ends meet. I have two children who live with me aged 3 and 5.
I'm going through a divorce at the min and am currently paying a rent on my current house, and half the mortgage on the 'marital home' as it is in both our names.....this is where it gets tricky, my soon to be ex husband doesn't work...he gets incapacity benefit and as this won't cover half the mortgage he also gets the child tax credit and the child benefit to help with costs even though the children live with me.
my problem is this....i can't afford to keep paying half the mortgage as its crippling me with all the other expenses....but my ex refuses to sell the house and can be quite horrible, no evil and manipulative and like his parents 'knows how to play the system'.
i did think of selling my half to a housing association but they don't do that around here any more (Powys, Wales).
I'm seeing the citizens advice on the 27th to see what they can suggest but any ideas greatfully received. can't afford solicitors again as have had to borrow money from parents to pay off their bill.
gutted also this morn as had a letter from tax office refusing to give me any money for laundering my scrubs for work...which have an NHS logo on them and have replaced our tunics(they are the Wales-wide 'smart scrubs'). WHY?!!!
aargh. I just need to win the lottery. I have sold stuff on ebay, facebook but now running out of things to sell.
please help anyone:(

cleggie

Hi Bethan, and welcome.
At the top of the DFW (Debt Free Wannabe) board, there is a sticky thread which explains how to calculate and post an SOA (Statement Of Affairs) which is a list of income/outgoings.
It can be a bit of a fidde, but definitely worthwhile as there will be loads of people on here who can comment on how to increase income and limit expenditure.

amorge

Hi,
The first thing you need to do is get the child tax credits and child benefit...this money is not for your ex, it's for the kids...food, clothing etc!! Phone both of these agencies and get the money. I know it'll probably cause hassle with the ex but as you've pointed out he can be nasty already.
Good luck

Sharon87

Is there a way to take your name off the mortgage? Or speak to your mortgage company and explain the situation. Cause even if you pay your half, and he doesn't pay his half they can ask the rest from you as well. If you stop making payments they will probably repossess the house anyway. It will affect your credit rating, but that's not as important as being able to survive.

I'd also get the child tax credits and benefit into your name.

If he wants to play hard, then you've got to as well.

cjd2206

I completely agree about the tax credits and child benefit, these are not for your ex but for the children! As Cleggie says post your SoA then we can all see how you can 'reorganise' your finances. I'm sorry to hear that things are rotten for you but everyone on here and friendly and full of advice

curlytop12

hiya,welcome.

sorry you are going through a tough time,

would be good to see SOA.

just seconding the above really-

get all child related credits paid to you-thats fair,thats what its for,to help you with your children.

you can apply to have your name taken off mortgage but i assume this means you lose any

equity-maybe ask about that with mortgage company?

stay strong and don't let soon-to-be ex bully you!!

oh yes-regarding your uniform-if there is laundering available at work you may not be entitled to tax

relief,thats how it is here .

i've claimed sucessfully for NMC registation, union fees ,subscription to nursing times etc and shoe allowance.

good luck,keep posting

kj*daisy

Could you not live in the marital home and your ex move out, assume you can afford the mortgage if you are currently paying half of it and rent? He will get his rent paid if he's on benefit. You need the CBen and CTC for you not him. Stay strong and I see you are going to see the cab for advice, you need to get that house sold somehow if you can't live in it. Take care

theoretica

Many large employers have an employee assistance programme which gives access to advice similar to citizens advice, but less busy and without the queues. I would assume your bit of the NHS has one of these.

Are you in a union which offers legal advice?

bethan.haf

Hi all,

thanks very much for your replies.

I'm not in a union - stopped as couldn't afford the monthly fees

My health board doesn't have laundering facilities yes the tax office still refuse to pay up!!

I will look into the SOA...intrigued...when I'm not working I will fill this in as think it would be very useful to see it all written down.

Once again, thanks.

Beth

[Deleted User]

The most obvious option from here seems to be that your ex move in to rented, and you and the kids move in to the house!

Would you be able to afford the full mortgage on the house on your own if you weren't paying rent?

D9

Memory_Girl

I'm with the rest of them hon - your priority is taking care of you and the kids and that means things are going to have to be shaken up a little. Meaning you have two kids to take care of - not three.

If moving back into the marital home is not an issue, then I should take some advice about "defaulting" on the mortgage and allowing the property to be eventually repossessed. I'm hoping that you don't have loads of equity to lose but I certainly wouldn't be seeing my kids do without whilst my ex was living in the marital home. He is soon to be your ex - so let his family bail him out after all he won't be contributing much to the upkeep of his kids in the future will he?

Sure this may wreck your credit record in the short term - but so what, better than your kids doing without for the whole of their childhood.

All benefits should be coming to you for the children - if he is able to "play the system" then let him, but not at the expense of your children.

And priority is sorting out an SOA so that we can help you find the easier, and little bit less easy ways to balance your books ............... a laundry allowance may not do it, but stopping paying for your ex's lifestyle might at a stroke.

Chin up hon - you will look back on your first post very soon and realise that was the point that life changed for you.

MG (another single mum with 2 BTW)