Family Issues - Getting Married Tomorrow :o(

Essmore

Hi Guys

I'm a long time poster on here but have registered a new username as I wish to start this discussion as anonymously as I can.

I'm getting married tomorrow to someone who I love with every fibre of my being. She has stood by me through thick and thin over the last few years, and I couldn't hope to be spending the rest of my days with a more perfect partner.

Back in November myself and my partner had a rough couple of weeks, and I turned to my mother for support (as you do) as my thinking was that she was a woman of the world and would be able to offer some decent sound advice. Unfortunately this was not to be the case.

Instead she decided that the best way to help me to resolve things was to be ignorant to my partner on the phone, and then proceed to publicly make a mockery of my relationship issues on Facebook with the help of my sister (sounds very Jeremy Kyle, doesn't it?!) I haven't spoken to either of them properly since November as I feel hurt by what they both did, I suppose I've been waiting and wishing for an apology, but I doubt it'll ever happen.

The truth is, myself and my mother have never had a fantastic relationship, we were never really that close. She was a young mum, and tried her best to do what was right by me and my sister, but she made a hell of a lot of mistakes which I wont go in to, but I wont hold against her either.

When I started grammar school and started getting into difficulty with teachers there (I wanted to learn, rather than learn) the friction began. This continued until I was 16, decided to move to my grandparents and then finally at 20 got my own place and have never looked back.

She's married now, with two wee kids who I love and lives with her new husband and new family, along with my 21 year old sister.

As the title of the thread says, I'm getting married tomorrow, and although there is a bit of friction I feel that she and my sister should have made an effort to contact me.

The day was only ever going to be myself, my partner and two witnesses, so there'd be no awkward confrontation at a reception as we simply aren't having one.

I've been talking to my mothers sisters, and my grandparents (who are more like my second set of parents!) and they have been very vocal in their disgust of my mum and sisters actions, and have said that they can't bring themselves to say anything to my mother for fear a full on family falling out.

If you were me, what would you do. Would you wait to be contacted, or would you contact her/them?

Lost!

MrsDrink

I really don't want to read and run... but by the same token I'm not sure what I would do.

Part of me thinks - if you weren't getting married would you be so bothered by their lack of contact and for that reason to leave them be... but the other part of me thinks it's a once in a lifetime event and it can be a way of pulling yourselves back together.

I guess it all depends on what you want from them. Do you want a relationship with them? Clearly you want an apology but I suspect that is out of your control and may never happen.

Regardless though - good luck for tomorrow!!

Hollie84

Sorry to hear how you are feeling.personally if it was me i wouldnt contact them,i have spent years wearing my heart on my sleeve and caring about what everyone thinks and feels and even treading on eggshells so as not to upset people,i promised myself this year things were going to change and they have,im sick of being the one there for eveyone and getting nothing back,if people want to act petty and not to talk or confront you about there issues but talk with others then thats fine let them,i to am having issues with a family member at the moment and i spent years caring what they thought well the final straw was drawn and i couldnt care less if they arnt at my wedding its there loss if they want to be to stubborn,aslong as me and my OH marry i dont care, i know i havent done anything wrong.sorry im waffling now but just wanted to let u know you arnt alone,families eh, who needs enemies when u have family

bubbles0169

i think there is just too much bad blood for you to get a happy outcome
you will beat yourself up if you dont contact them before hand, but if you dont get an apology you will still feel bad, do you really see that happening now?
i think you can draw a line under it now and have a great day tomorrow with the family that matter, the ones that have the right to be there to enjoy your special day with you, parents have to earn our love, dont waste your time/breathe/emotion anymore
you can then move on and have a lovely marriage all the best xx

McKneff

It would have been better and resolved things easier if you had just sent them an ivitation when you decided to get married.

As for the relationship, they have slagged you and your girlfiriend, but havent you done the same with your mothers siblings/grandparents, giving them only your side of the story.
Am I reading that right, what do you think your mum and sister would think about that if your aunties told them what you had said.

I would just get yourself married and when it all comes out tell them you just wanted a quiet do with no fuss and no reception and
take it from there.

Hope all goes well for you and your bride to be tomorrow and you have a long and happy married life.

POPPYOSCAR

You say you have been waiting for an apology but have you asked them for one, do they understand how you feel? Perhaps they feel that it is you who does not want anything to do with them?

The only way to resolve this one way or the other is to arrange to meet with them and openly discuss how everyone feels about the whole situation.