Cousin's Wedding - Issues

suki1001

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Yes, I know I've made my mind up, but you'll see from post number 8 that I'd revised my original question to "do you think it's unreasonable for someone with a newborn baby to use that as a reason not to attend a wedding?"

If you don't want to go and that is your reason, then I wouldn't look for re-assurances, because like all ways of bringing a child up, some people will think you're being "a bit precious" and some people will agree with you. Personally, I would go to the wedding, breast feeding shouldn't stop you from doing things. Although my child fed on demand, I used to just feed my daughter everywhere. I also loved taking both my children to weddings, it was a great chance to see the family, I got a break from holding the baby, and she loved the attention from being passed around. Yes, they had a later night, but it doesn't do them any harm. Look at children on the continent.

If you don't want to go, your family will understand, it is fine. It sounds like they are being fair, by letting you decide nearer the time.

And no, I wouldn't leave my children that young overnight either.

Brighton_belle

Yes, I do feel it is a totally reasonable reason to not go. We would have been completely understanding at our wedding last year for anyone who felt the day would be too much for them for what ever reason, let alone someone with a young child.

themull1

I wouldnt go.

bylromarha

For me, it would all stem round my relationship with the bride and/or groom.

Some people I would move heaven and earth to be at their wedding, and drove miles to be at parties and weddings when my 2 were 2 and months old. Breastfeeding, weaning, crawling...if we wanted to be there, we were there. DD was 8 weeks and DS just turned 2 at the first wedding with both littlies. DS ended up staying awake til midnight dancing!!!!

We turned down lots of invites too though as we didn't want to put that much time, effort and expense into a party of someone we didn't actually know that much or that well.

So, IYO, is the cousin worth the time and effort to make it happen?

Savvy_Sue

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

Because with my first child I had her at the breast almost constantly for 4 months. She liked being comforted there so that's where I put her. I didn't really go anywhere or do anything until she was starting to be weaned. If I have another child like that, then it's impractical to travel about and it'd mean stopping in the car every 2 minutes.

I don't know if it's occurred to you, but you're quite unlikely to have another one quite like that. Apart from anything else, it will be more difficult to do things with the older one with a baby constantly attached to your breast. I'm not saying it can't be done, but sometimes you just have to let one of them howl while you deal with the other.

Also, DS1 was permanently attached to one of us a lot of the time, he liked to suck 24/7 and if he couldn't have a nipple then a finger would do (at a pinch). He fed himself to sleep all the time until he was a year old.

So I was mightily confused by DS2, who absolutely did NOT feed himself to sleep, and had to be put down after each feed.

And then DS3 sometimes did, and sometimes did not, feed himself to sleep.

Can't offer any advice on whether or not to go to the wedding, I'm afraid!

suki1001

Forgot to mention. I didn't attend my sister's wedding abroad, because I wouldn't pay the astronomical cost of the holiday. She was ok with it. My mother said I would regret it, but I never have in the slightest. I love weddings and family get togethers, but sometimes you just have to draw the line. As someone mentioned as long as you pre-warn them (as you have), then they won't have a problem. The worst offenders are those who say they are coming and then just decide against it the day before, or just don't turn up after they've said they're going.

shays_mum

If it was my cousins hell yes!, otherwise would get a mouthful from my uncle/aunt not worth the aggro!.
Its only a one off & a chance for your kids to meet their other cousins. I once had 3 weddings in a year, either was preggers (with a dislocating pelvis & severe SPD ), breastfeeding a new born or had 2 very small kids with me!, but it was a chance to meet the wider family.
But at the end of the day you gots to do what's right for you & yours x

rachbc

I'd go, but then I touted my kids most places with me from the first few weeks. However you seem to have decided that it won't be enjoyable and are asking for validation of not going. So ok - if you don't want to go, don't go. Personally I don't think having a 3 mo baby is a valid reason for not going. However I do think not wanting to go is a valid reason for not going - you aren't obliged to go to any event - and invitation is just that - its not a demnd for attendance