OS Mother and daughter bonding - ideas please!

snowleopard61

The themed cooking might be worth a try - she wouldn't go near sushi and doesn't like curry, but pasta dishes are fine, so will suggest that. Gardening is my own pet aversion! - painting/decorating something I can only bear when no-one else is around for as long as it takes ...

Certainly I have tried asking her for suggestions many times, but without notable success so far. Suspect it's still the back end of teenage negativity about parents, coupled with the fact that we really are very different people - neither of my daughters are much like me or their dad in their interests!

Saratoga, your point is very interesting about the best conversations being had when talking isn't the main focus. I'm sure that's true, and I ought to make a point of encouraging that.

saratoga

snowleopard61 wrote: »

Saratoga, your point is very interesting about the best conversations being had when talking isn't the main focus. I'm sure that's true, and I ought to make a point of encouraging that.

If I ever want to find out if something is troubling them or what is actually going on at college,I always ask them to help me with something like that.It is normally cooking or washing up something mundane that does'nt really require their help because it looks like I am not really concentrating on what they are saying.
Although I have had a decent conversation whilst being supposedly beaten on a XBox game!!

shandyclover

Tell her you need help trimming down your wardrobe, play dress up and make up outfits. Ask her for her advice and see what she thinks you look best in.

Ask if she has any clothes that need mending/taking up. DD were quite impressed when I spent the morning showing them how to take up their jeans, fix minor tears, rescue their expensive jumper etc.

Some bodyshops do make up makeovers for a donation, though you do have to book it, DD and I did this on her last birthday.

Dye each others hair.

Do you have any neighbours who would be happy to 'lend' you their dog for a walk? If you are both doglovers would make walks more interesting.

People watch. Sit in an outdoor cafe and find out about who she admires and why. Or guess peoples occupations etc.

Play tourist in your town. Go to the tourist centre and pick up all the leaflets for free stuff in your local area.

Go to the library, even if she doesn't enjoy reading. Some of the best bonding I have had with DD is over big glossy travel books - tell where you enjoyed your best travels and where you wish you'd gone.

Watch Gok Wans shows together and discuss or borrow the books.

With some teenagers you just have to announce you are doing something and say they are welcome to join if they want to, and breezily get on with it. One DD will happily spend hours with me, the other has to almost be tricked into it like this although once she comes along she always enjoys it and says thank you for a lovely time.

archiesdad

I don't really have any brilliant suggestions to add as I think others have come up with great ideas. My Mum passed away when I was 20 and I just wish I had spent more time learning things from her. She was great at dress making and cake decorating I now wish I had learnt these skills from her, but at 18 unfortunately they didn't interest me. It's only now I'm a mum that I really regret that. Perhaps you could save a small amount like a £1 a week so that next time she comes home you could have a little treat together.

Just wanted to say whatever you do I hope you enjoy yourselves, try and impart some of your skills to your daughter and hopefully one day she'll be glad you did.

Rummer

How lovely to be able to spend such quality time together! Just a few suggestions:

• Makeovers
• Cooking together
• Museums/art galleries
• Long walks
• Car picnics
• Trip to the coast
• Local free events - check your LA website
• New hobby - knitting or crochet is cheap to start (not that I am biased )
• Reading at the library
• Spending time with friends

I am sure there are hundreds more things you could do. There are always lots of local events in our area that I find out about online through the council website or other local info sources.

alisong_2

How about the pictures (go at a cheap time and maybe orange weds if you can, could probably do it for £6 for both of you if you're lucky)?

Oldernotwiser

What is she studying? Could you do something relevant to that together?

ubamother

Is it her first visit home after starting uni? Some kids will want a big fuss made of them, special times etc; others hate the 'specialness' -for them I believe being treated in a slightly special-guest fashion will only make them feel they are being treated as kids - don't we know they're big bad adults now! This type may be craving for an absolutely normal family weekend - bit of a laugh, a big of nagging and a bit of washing up can reassure them that nothing has changed at home!

Others may want to get together with 'home' friends and tell all the Uni stories you're not allowed to hear, and parents only see them to feed them. Only you know which type your child falls into - mine on her first visit back was definitely in the 'normal weekend' category.

I do think either of these reactions from the child should be accepted along with the long lie-ins and dirty washing.

Shandyclover's 'asking daughter's advice on wardrobe trim' idea is fabulous - and can fall into special or normal weekend styles too. At that age, my daughter rather liked being asked her advice by me - after all, when they are eighteen they do know absolutely everything.

snowleopard61

Wow, thank you all so much. When I put up the original post I didn't think I'd get so many original and great suggestions. There are certainly some we have done ourselves over the years, like 'being tourists in your own area', but there is scope yet.

To pick up but a few - Shandyclover, your 'wardrobe' idea (mine rather than hers) is something I hadn't thought of and it would be fun to try. She always looks much more special than I do (though it has to be said this is partly because she spends many more times what I do on clothes, in quantity as well as quality!) and may enjoy helping me to come up with some original ideas. It might even be worth dragging her around charity shops to choose an outfit for me even if she won't deign to wear their clothes herself.

snowleopard61

For some reason it keeps posting my replies while I'm still in the middle of typing them, which is really annoying!!

Archiesdad, I echo your thoughts - although I was in my thirties when my Mum died, I always remember that she wanted to teach me to sew properly when I was in my teens, and I had no interest then, and by the time I was really keen, basically when I had my own children, my Mum's eyesight had deteriorated so much that it wasn't practical, although we tried.

Oldernotwiser - she's a business student, which I suppose does raise interesting possibilities; food for thought.

Ubamother - no, she's been home a few times, although as this is her first year at university it's the first prolonged period. She's been revising for exams in the past few weeks and will have a break at home after them, hence the wish to do something with the time. Certainly I'm always happy to let her see friends or just generally chill out, and she does these too. It's generally a mixture of just letting her be and trying to make some of the time special. I remember coming home from university and just wanting everything to be the same as it had always been, even if that was rather quiet and probably a bit dull, so am conscious of that being no bad thing.