Updated SOA - advice please!

lobsta100

quantumleap wrote: »

Hey Man, I have to comment on this. I've read the thread, you come over well. You clearly have a problem that you are working very hard to address and fair play to you - I wish you well.

However, this cleaner lark is really starting to annoy! My wife and I have 3 kids under 7. At one point they were 3, 1 and new born. I work 2 jobs, my wife works part time, we have a (modest) 4 bed house. We don't need a cleaner, never have. We do it between us - we did it even when we had 2 toddlers and a new born. Lots (in fact most people do this).

You DON'T need a cleaner. You can't even afford a cleaner! So knock it on the head.

I must tell you I totally agree and had a discussion about this in depth only last night. I am more than happy to muck in to ensure we dont need to pay for a cleaner. For some unknown reason my parents have decided they want to now pay for us to have a cleaner every other week. I fought hammer and tong saying was unnecessary but they have insisted for now. I won't fight any more as it means we are no longer paying for it but I still object!

In terms of my wife being on board, she definitely is aware we have no money to spend. She knows the measures I have taken so far and is not buying anything at all at the moment we dont need.

I would like her to sit down with me and look at the detail of the SOA so she can see where things are going. The trouble is she grew up having everything to do with finance and admin done by her dad. This continued until the day we got married so she is not very clued up at all on how things work. I am working on her!

In terms of the car situation.... since we have a relatively short amount of time left to pay off the Ford, I am seriously looking into options for me to sell my Fiat. I only bought it in October but it was such a mistake financing another car and perhaps I could then use money to get a cheaper used one for commuting.

JulieGeorgiana

I wish you all the best lobsta, it's rare that you see someone come on, ask for help and actually accept the help and try and better their situation.

I hope to see an updates SOA soon showing how much further along things are and how much better you are doing.

Good Luck with your debt free Journey! Hope to see you on the Debt Free thread soon

miggy

Mark148 wrote: »

Now I don't know much about the Jewish religion but I thought that the act of "ma'aser kesafim" , the giving of 10% of your income is a modern adaptation of the 'Giving of scraps/remainder' of crops to the poor. Excuse my ignorance but could you not give 10% of your monthly savings as opposed to your income to charity as this must surely be in keeping with the principle of the act of giving.

I'm not Jewish either, so I can't give an insider view, but I think the principle of leaving some of the crop for the poor is completely separate from this. 10% (also known as a 'tithe') is given on the increase of one's wealth. This is done as a 'giving back' to ones Creator. So one is an act of charity and the other is a religious obligation.

Hoping I've understood this rightly!

miggy

lobsta100 wrote: »

I must tell you I totally agree and had a discussion about this in depth only last night. I am more than happy to muck in to ensure we dont need to pay for a cleaner. For some unknown reason my parents have decided they want to now pay for us to have a cleaner every other week. I fought hammer and tong saying was unnecessary but they have insisted for now. I won't fight any more as it means we are no longer paying for it but I still object!

Speaking as a parent - sometimes we have a need to feel needed! Maybe they are remembering how hard life can be when children are very small. Perhaps treat it as you would another gift: just accept it and when things get easier it could be renegotiated?

lobsta100 wrote: »

In terms of my wife being on board, she definitely is aware we have no money to spend. She knows the measures I have taken so far and is not buying anything at all at the moment we dont need.

I would like her to sit down with me and look at the detail of the SOA so she can see where things are going. The trouble is she grew up having everything to do with finance and admin done by her dad. This continued until the day we got married so she is not very clued up at all on how things work. I am working on her!

Something I learned a few years ago on the Marriage Course: we all bring invisible expectations into our relationships which can have a big effect on how we think things are going to run! I'm impressed you two can see this in yourselves because sometimes it can take a lot of digging to find out what we subconsciously expect. It may take a while, especially with a baby to look after. Would she be able to take on one aspect for a while as she builds skills and confidence? I still find I often assume things are someone else's responsibility, but I'm getting there!

lobsta100 wrote: »

In terms of the car situation.... since we have a relatively short amount of time left to pay off the Ford, I am seriously looking into options for me to sell my Fiat. I only bought it in October but it was such a mistake financing another car and perhaps I could then use money to get a cheaper used one for commuting.

Seems that the Fiat has been a large and recent drain on finances, so that sounds good. Someone suggested a motorbike... that might depend on the area you live in but it may be worth investigating? Given the distance you commute, I'm not going to suggest a push bike!

lobsta100

miggy wrote: »

Speaking as a parent - sometimes we have a need to feel needed! Maybe they are remembering how hard life can be when children are very small. Perhaps treat it as you would another gift: just accept it and when things get easier it could be renegotiated?



Something I learned a few years ago on the Marriage Course: we all bring invisible expectations into our relationships which can have a big effect on how we think things are going to run! I'm impressed you two can see this in yourselves because sometimes it can take a lot of digging to find out what we subconsciously expect. It may take a while, especially with a baby to look after. Would she be able to take on one aspect for a while as she builds skills and confidence? I still find I often assume things are someone else's responsibility, but I'm getting there!



Seems that the Fiat has been a large and recent drain on finances, so that sounds good. Someone suggested a motorbike... that might depend on the area you live in but it may be worth investigating? Given the distance you commute, I'm not going to suggest a push bike!

I'm not sure how happy I'd be with a motorbike or how happy the wife would be for my safety!

I'm calling Fiat finance at lunchtime to discuss my options and see what money I'd have left over if I settled now.

lobsta100

miggy wrote: »

I'm not Jewish either, so I can't give an insider view, but I think the principle of leaving some of the crop for the poor is completely separate from this. 10% (also known as a 'tithe') is given on the increase of one's wealth. This is done as a 'giving back' to ones Creator. So one is an act of charity and the other is a religious obligation.

Hoping I've understood this rightly!

Pretty good understanding!

However the "maaser kesafim" - giving 10% of ones wealth - is considered an obligation also, with some conditions and a few exceptions. There are also varying opinions on what you calculate the 10% on.

gemini12

I can understand your qualms on the motorbike I suggested as I did indeed have one accident when someone came out of a turning and didnt see me. We both stopped but my back wheel went and I ended up on the floor with very sore places but no other damage. Having said that I loved my bike and only stopped when I was diagnosed with a balance problem.

As an alternative we ran throw away cars for many years. By this I mean buy cheap and get rid of when the MOT costs more than a new cheapie would be. This is a very cheap form of motoring but does rely on getting good cars so a degree of car knowledge is useful.

J4mes

gemini12 wrote: »

I can understand your qualms on the motorbike I suggested as I did indeed have one accident when someone came out of a turning and didnt see me. We both stopped but my back wheel went and I ended up on the floor with very sore places but no other damage. Having said that I loved my bike and only stopped when I was diagnosed with a balance problem.

As an alternative we ran throw away cars for many years. By this I mean buy cheap and get rid of when the MOT costs more than a new cheapie would be. This is a very cheap form of motoring but does rely on getting good cars so a degree of car knowledge is useful.

^^^This! You get a car for £300-500 with at least 2-3 months MOT, and preferably some tax, run it for the couple of months, throw it in for an MOT, if it passes you either keep or sell for £700-1100, if it fails on anything costing more than £200 scrap it.
Scrapping will see you £150-200 for the car, £40 for the catalytic converter, £10 for the battery, £20 for the alloy wheels and any other valuable parts/tyres will get you a bit more, then cash in any remaining tax. Its called Banger-nomics!lol
You'll see a return of approx £200 and had the use of a car for a few months, it helps if you are not picky about what you drive as it gives you greater choice.

In a general note I'd steer clear of Citreons, due to parts prices and that they're built with a 'disposible' attitude, i.e; last 3 years relatively well and then usually have a big bill for the first MOT.
Also VW are over priced due to the percieved quality, for almost exactly the same car see SEAT and Skoda but for less £££.

Good luck!

runninglea

With the fiat that you only acquired in november - is there nothing in the agreement about giving the car back.

I thought you can hand them back assuming the car is worth a similar amount to the finance outstanding.

All your car equity appears to be in the other car so if you could just hand the fiat back!

lobsta100

runninglea wrote: »

With the fiat that you only acquired in november - is there nothing in the agreement about giving the car back.

I thought you can hand them back assuming the car is worth a similar amount to the finance outstanding.

All your car equity appears to be in the other car so if you could just hand the fiat back!

I just spoke to FGA Capital (who the Fiat PCP is through). Not good news. No option to just hand back. Lady on the phone was really helpful, was trying to give cashflow advice in general! But bottom line is if I ended agreement now would make a massive loss on the car.

So for now, will have to look at settling on the Ford and downgrading instead.