Advice

bayeux_2

Hi

I dont really nowhere to start so forgive me if this is a bit rambling. I have got myself into a serious debt situation through gambling and I have reached a point where I just dont know where to turn now. Just for background the gambling has been through spreadbetting in the financial markets which has also been my career for some years. I am currently unemployed and foolishly believed I could 'invest' in this way successfully, I am experienced enough and smart enough to know that this was extremly unlikely to be successful. This whole problem has developed over the last year. I have a wife and 2 young children. We recently sold our house and downsized considerably. We now live mortgage free in a small house which we intended to stay in for a few years while we got back on our feet. We had one outstanding credit card debt of around 9k. Obviously this is a great situation and one that most people would be overjoyed at being in. I have suffered greatly from depression over the years and could only feel down at our current situation rather than seeing it for the blessing it was. I Have now run up an additional approx 30k in debt that my wife has no knowledge of. This is spread across 2 institutions my bank overdraft (3k ) and their credit card 17.5k ( 2.5k over limit ) and another credit card of 10.5k .
Obviously I have no income, my wife has returned to work part time and is bring in 1500 a month which without my debt we can just about get by on.
All I really want to know is how to protect my wife and children from this. If and when this is discovered my marriage will be over, I categorically promised this would never happen again and it breaks my heart how I have let them down. I am in the process of transferring the house in to my wifes name as this was something she wanted us to do on purchase to reassure her. Is their anything else I can do to isolate her from my debt? We have a joint bank account which we opened this year to pay all bills through. Obviously we have had mortgages together in the past. Is it too late now to protect her credit rating going forward as their will always be that link? even if we close down the joint account?

( I have also transferred our only other asset our car in to her name )

What do I do now with the 2 instutions I owe to? I am just paralysed right now and I know I need to do somethign fast but I have no idea what. I am looking for a job and if I am lucky I will be on a comfortable enough salary to make the payments but I have no idea when that will be. I have to be careful about what action I take as I work in financial services. I am seeking treatment for depression and addictions and outwardly appear to be functioning normally but this is killing me inside. I really am starting to think their is only one way out and that scares the hell out of me. Is their anyway I can deal with this on my own, I genuinely am only trying to protect my wife so she can continue to live and work happily without this burden that she was so happy to be relieved of.

thank you all for anything you can suggest.

CommitedToChange

Just wanted to say hello, I'm sorry I can't really offer any advice but I just wanted to say that admitting to this debt is a big step - even if it is just on these boards. I'm sure someone will be along shortly, or possibly in the morning with some good advice.

JulieGeorgiana

I wish you lots of luck, I do think that if you and your wife decide to seperate you can write to Experian and the like and 'disassociate' all ties if you are not linked financially.

I would seek advice from the nation debt helpline and see what it is you can do about your situation.

Good Luck x

bayeux_2

thank you both for your kind thoughts. I understand there are probably far less selfish and more needy people than me that need advice. If anyone can help though I have another couple of questions. firstly how much damage does a DMP do even if you come off it quite quickly ? will I be able to get a mortgage again in the future, do I have to wait 6 years and even then does it still have an impact? also we are currently making a payment of about 220 pounds on the one card, would this be enough to cover a total of 40k spread across all the creditors on a DMP ? thanks again

BlushingRose

bayeux wrote: »

I really am starting to think their is only one way out

I hope this isn't the thought I think it is...x

MsDaisy

Hi bayeux, didn't want to read and run. I'm sorry I can't answer your questions but someone will come along who will be able to. It's good to read that you're seeking appropriate help, I hope you feel better soon

In my experience, the worst part is facing up to your situation. As soon as you've done this, and the lovely people on here start to help with ideas and advice, things start to get better. You'll certainly never feel alone on here as we are all in the same boat

DVardysShadow

bayeux wrote: »

All I really want to know is how to protect my wife and children from this. If and when this is discovered my marriage will be over, I categorically promised this would never happen again and it breaks my heart how I have let them down. I am in the process of transferring the house in to my wifes name as this was something she wanted us to do on purchase to reassure her. Is their anything else I can do to isolate her from my debt? We have a joint bank account which we opened this year to pay all bills through. Obviously we have had mortgages together in the past. Is it too late now to protect her credit rating going forward as their will always be that link? even if we close down the joint account?

( I have also transferred our only other asset our car in to her name )

You cannot protect your wife and children from this beyond a certain point. Sooner or later, you are going to have to pay up - and you will be under pressure to clear your debt. At some stage, you may need to go bankrupt - at which point the house and the car can be recovered by the Official Receiver - because you have transferred them in order to hide them from your creditors.

About all you can do is protect your wife's credit rating by closing the joint account and opening new ones in individual names. And close down any other shared financial products.

Unless you can find a way out of this [and more of the same is not that way], you need to 'fess up and take the consequences. This will be far less damaging to your wife and children than if you go on pretending you are a hero when you really have taken things to less than zero.

bayeux_2

Thank you. Sadly I think am thinking the worse. IVA And bankruptcy Aren't really solutions and a dmp isn't possible without an income of my own. I have nothing and the only way round that is to discuss with my wife and that means losing them too. Such a mess. Anyway sorry I ll spare you all... Thanks for looking

MsDaisy

Hey bayeux, what about other family members? Parents, brothers, sisters? It wouldn't be the end of the world if you had to sell the house and rent for a couple of years would it? Your wife may not be jumping up and down with joy at the prospect but it would be a way forward. Share this with her, you might be surprised by her reaction. Good luck

cherylelizabeth1

I know of a woman who's husband stole from his employer to fund his gambling addiction, she had no idea until he was arrested. He is now in prison and she is alone with there children and had to sell there house but she loves him so forgave him and is waiting for him. People make mistakes, you'd be surprised at what can be forgiven when people love you. Tell your wife x

cherylelizabeth1

Their not there. Can't believe I did that twice.