In a bit of a mess

tallyhoh

You should be charging your son some sort of rent, it seems irrational to help him out when you can't afford to live yourself. How about putting him in charge of the grocery bill for example? teach him to budget.

nicrobx4

tallyhoh wrote: »

You should be charging your son some sort of rent, it seems irrational to help him out when you can't afford to live yourself. How about putting him in charge of the grocery bill for example? teach him to budget.

Hi there,
Thanks for the advice
I no your right, but i just wanted to help them have a good start, trying to teach him to save and all that, plus its not his fault i'm in the mess i am. Going to try and sort a DMP, watch this space
thanks again
Nic

InsertWittyName

I'd be wary of a DMP in your situation.

You've never missed a payment currently so your credit files will be clean.

Going on a DMP will trash them for 6 years (plus you'll get the added stress of letters, phone calls etc.)

To be honest, if you could shave a bit off the groceries and other bits here and there and your OH could pick up some work (even a minimum wage full time job would pay a lot more than he gets currently!) then you'd be fine.

Something to consider.

fatbelly

OP says " we have just been refused a mortgage based on the amount of outstanding credit therefore our credit score has been affected"

What wouuld you recommend?

InsertWittyName

The only reason OP has been refused a new mortgage is because (as obvious) they have a massive amount of unsecured debt.

If this was paid off they'd be able to get a new mortgage.

Trashing the credit files for 6 years via a DMP may not be the best option as they're not far off from being able to cover all outgoings.

lika_86

nicrobx4 wrote: »

Hi there,
Thanks for the advice
I no your right, but i just wanted to help them have a good start, trying to teach him to save and all that, plus its not his fault i'm in the mess i am. Going to try and sort a DMP, watch this space
thanks again
Nic

I understand your position but a more important lesson than how to save is how much it costs to live independently (rent, council tax, bills etc).

Your sons are both adults and I'm surprised that they would accept your offer of free accommodation (and I assume free food and bills too). Irrespective of your position, which seems to be the result of the economy and a resulting drop in your husband's business, they should be contributing.

I would never dream of living with my mum for free (even though she is mortgage free), in fact, when I moved home for a month when I was moving from one job to another and one house to another, she refused to take rent but the deal was that I paid for my food (I generally got home later anyway so it worked out well).

You don't mention how your second son is supporting himself, does he have a student loan? Job?

I think you need to sit them both down and explain that because of the economy your husband's business has suffered a bit and that as a result, you need to make cutbacks, that having four adults rather than two in the house is expensive and therefore you need to ask them to contribute to the additional costs from their living at home. If you've raised them right then they'll understand and be more than willing to help out. If they aren't, they can deal with the alternative, which is to move out.

plum44_2

I disagree. When you reach the end of the line a DMP is often the right option. I have been on a DMP for a year. I have reduced my debt by 50% to 17K, stopped using cards, learnt how to budget and no longer live on credit or spend what I can't afford. I have a mortgage and will not be looking for credits cards in the next 6 years. All my 8 credit card companies stopped interest and now I am down to 3 and back on track. I was dealt with very fairly by all the CC companies. I am with CCCS where you can do an anonymous online enquiry which is a great first step and they are free... I think a DMP might save you..

lemonpopsicle

Hi, couldn't just read and run. My husband is also self employed and work is a bit thin on the ground, unfortunately I think it's common everywhere now and I can't see it improving much in the short term. I don't know what your husband does but customers don't seem to have the money, or are nervous about spending it if they have it! We sat our boys down, who are 13 and 16, and explained that things are tough at the moment in the big wide world and our little world and that things would have to be different. They now realise that we have to watch every penny, we shop less, have the heating on less, cook from scratch more and I'm on here often for tips.
I really think that you need to do the same with your adult children, after all they are adults even though us mums don't like to think like that. You are not doing them any favours by not taking a contribution for their living expenses off them, and it could really help you out.
Good luck with your journey. x

katsu

nicrobx4 wrote: »

trying to teach him to save and all that, plus its not his fault i'm in the mess i am.

Your son can still save money, as you would not take his whole wage off him for living. It isn't his "fault", no, but every time he switches the heating on, eats the free food, uses the things you are paying for, he contributes to the ~£140 you are away from balancing your budget.

Teach your sons that life is about making difficult decisions sometimes and about pulling together as a family. Being part of balancing the books will also teach them budget skills they will need when they leave home.