MOOLOO'S continuing saga Part 4

minimoneysaver

Maybe you should sit her behind the passenger seat? That way if she kicks the seat, she wouldn't hurt you or distract you.

As for moving....do you think setting up business for real is a possibility? You seem to do a lot of driving backwards and forwards to the twins etc. Is there anyway that you can do that a bit less to let them get on with it? They seemed to cope when you went on holiday for two weeks this time. At least that would free up sewing time.
Failing that, would a desk type job work for you, that didn't require too much of you physically.

Sparklebabey

Why would a 4 year old think this was acceptable behaviour and why are you swearing at a 4 year old? What is this going to achieve?

No I have never posted on this thread but I suspect I am one of many who read but don't always comment and I am no doubt going to get jumped on for my comments...but I do keep up with this story and it is clear to me that you cannot cope emotionally, financially or physically with your DGD.

Whilst it was an admirable thing to do, I don't think the long term ramifications of having a chanllenging child with all your problems was thought through. I don't think you should feel guilty about the twin boys at all. Am sure they will get adopted and have a lovely life and I think this should have happened to DGD too, to get her away from the family situation and have a good chance in life. How is she going to feel when she realises how her Mum lives her life, in squalor with no real direction (I acknowledge that there are disability issues).

As I say, I am no doubt going to get flamed profusely for this but the welfare of children is always at the forefront of my mind.

grandma247

Sparklebaby you need to come and live in this town. Kids are sworn at loudly in the street by their parents all the time.

Moolooos grandaughter will not be harmed by being screamed at or sworn at since it does not happen all the time.

I have known a none smacking mother do something which I found absolutely appalling to her son in desperation at his behaviour. He is now a well adjusted normal adult it did not harm him.

I am older than Mooloo and I would have given the child a good smack for what she did.
This country has become so soft with kids. That is why so many are completely out of control. People are scared to discipline their own kids.

I kept smacking for outright disobedience and incidents as serious as this one. There is a very big difference between this kind of smacking and abuse.

Molly41

DGD is not challenging - she is just a child and a bright one at that x

I think you have to remember that she is adjusting to being at school and I remember that my children became cross and tired as the days went by. There is a cumulative effect. There is so much for her to get used to, new routines etc.

Errata

Sparklebabey wrote: »

I do keep up with this story

It's quite clear that you don't, so you might like to keep quiet before you make a bigger fool of yourself.

Savvy_sewing

Sparklebabey wrote: »

Why would a 4 year old think this was acceptable behaviour and why are you swearing at a 4 year old? What is this going to achieve?

No I have never posted on this thread but I suspect I am one of many who read but don't always comment and I am no doubt going to get jumped on for my comments...but I do keep up with this story and it is clear to me that you cannot cope emotionally, financially or physically with your DGD.

Whilst it was an admirable thing to do, I don't think the long term ramifications of having a chanllenging child with all your problems was thought through. I don't think you should feel guilty about the twin boys at all. Am sure they will get adopted and have a lovely life and I think this should have happened to DGD too, to get her away from the family situation and have a good chance in life. How is she going to feel when she realises how her Mum lives her life, in squalor with no real direction (I acknowledge that there are disability issues).

As I say, I am no doubt going to get flamed profusely for this but the welfare of children is always at the forefront of my mind.

When scared to death, and hurt, you dont think is it acceptable to swear at a child. Well I didnt it was a reflex action. If I was not putting her first, and failing her, then I may agree with you. I do have stresses and strains. So do a lot of other people. Yes I choose to catalogue my ups and downs, but I do not swear at her on a regular basis. On the whole we have a very sound, and loving relationship. Those close to me, school, social workers, friends, and health visitors would not have allowed me to take her on a guardianship if that had not been the case.
Maybe its "my lack of self confidence" that begs the belief that I cannot cope.
Well actually I do cope. I may not be the text book mother, but I am a very caring, loving and responsible adult. I just have to deal with Pain/disabled children/low finances/and the challenges that pass by on a daily basis.
We all see things in a different light.
I will not slate you for your opinion. Its your opinion, and at times I wonder the same. But thats only when I have self doubt.
DGD is happy on the whole. She is articulate, she is bright, she is just trying to push the boundaries, and want me to cave in to do what she wants. Do you think I should have given in and gone to a pub at 5.30 in the evening???? I dont think so. That would not have been appropriate.
I will move her across the car to the passanger side.
She was behind my chair as my son who is the normal front seat passanger on a Wednesday is over 6ft tall, and needed his seat as far back as he could.
Re the boys, I will always feel guilty that I didnt do enough for them. Thats me. But I know when I speak to the family etc, and those that know me, that in the long run, it was the right decision to concentrate on DGD and not to take on more. But my thoughts will always be with them.
DGD is aware, at her young age, that Mummy has problems, and that Mummy cannot look after herself. She tells her Mum to tidy up, wash up etc, and tries her little best to help her when we visit. She sees us doing that.
I also hope that the Social services 10 hours of help, with her mother will start to see dividends and that Mum will be helped and she will not be living in squallor.
I do not allow her to live in squallor willingly. I had to let go of doing the work myself, so that I could concentrate on her daughter, and on my health.
My health has improved considerably.
I am still on pain killers etc, and I probably will always be. But I am managing this better. My councilling has improved my attitute. If you have been reading my entries for the last 4 odd years, then you will see the difference in me.
I am no longer in need of a walking stick, and I am indeed able to now walk further then the end of the garden.
When I moved here, I couldnt walk the length of the garden. Now I am walking DGD to and from school.
My health has improved as the stresses of the court cases etc, and the councilling helped me to let go more of the guilt etc about the boys.
I am now ready to find work.
I am mostly positive, and I am moving forward.
I will have bad days. Everyone does.
But I disagree that DGD should not be with me.
I believe that she may not be brought up with the rich list. But she will have a decent enough upbringing. With family and friends all around her. Nothing is ideal in this world. But knowing who her family are, and eating well, going to school, having her own room, having her clothes made and designed for her, having a garden that is huge to play in. They are all positives. In my opinion anyway.
Right DGD was good this morning and off to school without a fuss.
I now have time to finish sorting out the front room. The toys that have taken over the front room, and the clothes piles are going to be banished by the time I am through.
There will still be the toy bag, and the bricks, so she will still have some toys. But the bits that creep down will go back up to her bedroom.

floss2

Well said Mooloo :T:T :A

maman

Molly41 wrote: »

DGD is not challenging - she is just a child and a bright one at that x

I think you have to remember that she is adjusting to being at school and I remember that my children became cross and tired as the days went by. There is a cumulative effect. There is so much for her to get used to, new routines etc.

That's exactly what went through my mind molly. Starting school is tiring for all children but mooloo would do her no favours giving in to her.

Errata wrote: »

It's quite clear that you don't, so you might like to keep quiet before you make a bigger fool of yourself.

:Tand so say all of us!!:T

floss2 wrote: »

Well said Mooloo :T:T :A

Agreed, but you really didn't need to explain yourself at all mooloo. Hopefully, cataloguing (sp?) all your acheivements and talents will have been good self-counselling for you!:D Onwards and upwards!!

Savvy_sewing

Well I managed to do the jobs I had wanted to do in the front room. Dispite having to take DGD's new school coat back as its zip broke. However they were not there, closed for the week. Sods law. I popped into the charity shop, as I tend to do, and picked up two framed pictures of Portugal for £2 each. Pictures that will compliment the set that I already have.
Things that will go up together in my Inspirational Wall. The Dreams etc.
I contacted the other Charity, the one that is starting to help twin1, as they have a charity shop in the town, although it is not open often enough. I have offered my services to help them out. I feel that I should volunteer and see how I am up to working. So I will be going to an interview with them on Tuesday. I am sure that I will be able to help them for at least one day a week. I feel quite excited about the prospect of it.
I continue to hope for the onwards and upwards.
I am awaiting a return phone call from the Housing Officer, to see where I stand with this new Bedroom tax, and thier plans to downsize people. I really dont want to move as I think I already said. But I would rather know what is round the corner then it happen to me suddenly and rather unplanned.
Forwarned is forarmed so to speak.

tootallulah

Mooloo, I am a great believer in knowing what may happen but not forcing it to happen, if you see what I mean. It will take councils years to work through under-occupancy etc and yes, you may be one of the first to have to move but you may not ever have to move. And you regularly have your son or one of your daughters to stay to help you with your grand daughter, and they need somewhere they can stay over, don't they! If you can make it work financially I would try and stay where you are as the extra room will give you a sewing sanctuary. It is great to hear that you are feeling fitter, it certainly sounds like you have been able to do much more in the house and garden. To the poster with "opinions" it is hardly surprising to have a slightly cranky four year old in her first week at school, it's tiring! She is secure in a loving family and that is the main thing.