Christmas conundrum

RubySewSew

The problem is this: I can pay my bills this month but it only leaves me £178 for everything else including the whole of Christmas and New Year.

For those of you who don't know me, I am a single parent with 3 children (10,8 and 6). I am following a budget written by the CCCS and I am paying £138pm into a debt management plan.

That £178 needs to cover Christmas presents for the kids, family and friends. It needs to cover Christmas food and drink, entertainment, prettifying, smellifying, travel, New Year's Eve and work xmas do. I have alot of other outgoings that also need to be met. I also have other expenses that are not budgeted for and need to be factored in.

I want them to have a good Christmas but don't want to get further into debt to provide this. They have very high expectations but won't go short - their Dad will get them something expensive and they have 3 sets of grandparents who will all buy them the kind of present that we would have considered a main present when we were kids. What do other people do?

I am pretty crafty but also really quite short on time. And I have a lot of people to gift for. I'd really like ideas on how to deal with this situation. I'm at such a loss and so fed up. I feel very excluded from the festivities because of the stress and worry that they bring. I would like to be able to relax and enjoy but the stress and pressure is overwhelming.

Oh, and, birthday season starts straight after Christmas so will be facing the same problem all over again come February!

linz

Hi Ruby,

Have you looked on the Christmas forum ? http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=101

maybe there will be some suitable ideas for you on there ?

Do you have anything you could ebay to bring in some funds for later in the month?

With regard to the works do, i've been known to take my own booze-some southern comfort in a small evian bottle-and just buy lemonade.

Wish I could think of more; i'll pop back if I can, but i'm sure others will be along with some more ideas.

All the best x

LillythePink

I would say that you just need to work out your priorities in respect of your money and what to do with it (sounds easy I know)

Is "entertainment, prettifying, smellifying" more imortant than bills (or whatever else you need to factor in) - are your family aware of your situation regarding the DMP, if so, then just say that you can't afford to buy them anything - maybe a voucher for services ie doing the ironing one week, babysitting (hard I know with 3 children of your own) making them a cake, cutting the grass or gardening etc etc.

If they are not aware of the DMP, but obviously do know that you are a single parent, then again...just say no, money is tight or do the voucher thing.

Same with the birthdays....I'm sure that everyone wouldn't want you to be stressed about it all and be tempted into more debt just to give them a present - if they are like that, then that's shameful......but you know them we don't.

Hugs for you

gfplux

Sadly sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. that is ONLY spend what you have. Spending more than you have to keep up appearances has probably got you into the debt mess in the first place.

RubySewSew

I guess what I'm feeling bad about re family is that they have helped me out massively and I don't want Christmas to go unmarked. I do have the creativity to give them something nice but the time is really a struggle. As for friends, I think you're right this is about appearances and I might just have to man up (so to speak...).

The entertainment, prettifying etc is about the desire to break out of this lot, to move on, meet new people, maybe meet someone special, to have some fun, to feel like myself before the years eat away at that. i'm sure some of that is vanity but I am very frustrated by the situationt hat I'm in at this time in my life.

And for the record, the situation I am in was caused by a marriage break up, being left with unsustainable debts and my career sacrificed for our children and an ex-husband who I am having to take to court to support us. I have always taken responsibility for money, unfortunately there are times when life takes over.

It's my kids I'm most worried about. What do you do about presents for children when you have no money to provide them?

rising_from_the_ashes

Trying to put a different light on it ...... can you remember what you got for Christmas when you were a kid?

Honestly, I can only remember one present and apart from that .... no recollection at all! What matters is spending time with them, showing you love them etc (which is obvious), a few smaller / cheap presents can be just as exciting (and often more so) than a very expensive on (that is often played with for a couple of days!).

And .... it sounds that with their dad and 3 sets of grandparents there will be plenty of presents - kids don't need 1/2 the stuff most of them get nowadays.

Does your DMP allow a budget for Christmas/birthdays?

Re friends & family, they will know it's tough so maybe make a suggestion you don't buy for each other this year - I did this a couple of years ago and there was almost a sigh of relief from the people I mentioned it to as they were struggling just as much! (I now only buy 3 presents)

Please don't stress about it, Christmas should be a time that families & friends get together and enjoy each others' company .... not just about presents and who's spent / got what etc. Enjoy it ...

rainbow81

Hey Ruby,

I think the main thing and the most difficult is to try and remember you don't have to lavish huge gifts on your kids, especially with so many other people providing presents. I have fallen for this trap in the past and, to be honest, my DS has just become overwhelmed with the amount of presents on the day.

So I would be inclined to make your present to them a really fun outing (panto, etc, there's sometimes vouchers or freebies in local papers). And then just a little stocking for Christmas morning. The stocking usually has something to eat, something to make, something to read, etc. Just to keep them entertained until the bigger presents arrive.

Alternatively, and this is what I tend to do these days, is ask the many many adults in DS's life to put money towards a bigger present. It feels quite extravagent to me but there is one child and about 12 adults. It means that on occasion, enough money has been donated that I just pay a tenner towards a big electronic gadget. It helps to not just ask for money, but to name the gift and ask everyone to give a gift tag with their message on to stick on with mine. Even if you just got your side of the family to do this, do you think it could work for you?

And I gave up on buying Christmas presents for friends many years ago. If you feel the need could you not go down the jokey route? The £ shop could come into it's own.

Are you spending Christmas with your wider family? Can you cook? I'm sure they'd be pleased to have homemade Christmas cake, or something equally festive and not too taxing (I am writing this as a non-cook, for all I know it's the hardest thing to cook in the world, but you get where I'm coming from).

Yes, it might feel like you are not putting enough effort in, but we all only have so much time, money and energy to spread about. What would your top 5 priorities for this month be for each of these areas? It's hard to do but in reality if you want to provide the perfect Christmas then something else (ie the work xmas do) is going to have to go.

chanie

I think most people are feeling the pinch and if you tell loved ones that you can't get them anything, I'm sure they will understand (probably be relieved). If you want to do something nice for them, how about making them a cake or some fudge or something for Christmas. It won't take long to make either.

In terms of your children, I'm sure they will understand - as you have said, they will get presents from family etc so its not like they will go without.

Could you not to go family for Xmas, so you won't have to get any food in? We always go to either my family or the in-laws for Xmas so we don't do much food wise - plus I'll take some food home for Boxing Day!!!!!!

I hope you all have a lovely Xmas.

lika_86

One present I got from my mum when I was a kid that was ace was two big boxes with craft stuff inside - googly eyes, pom poms, paint, pipe cleaners, paint brushes, felt, coloured paper etc. Why not try that? You can pick stuff up like that for only pennies at places like The Works and it'll keep kids entertained for ages.

I understand what you're saying about needing some form of night for yourself but a works do and NYE? I'd ditch NYE personally, it's expensive an crowded to go anywhere. Much better to spend the night in playing board games with your kids or whatever.

Equally I'm sure if you think about it, you don't need prettyfying or smellyfying.

Don't worry about your friends and stuff either, they'll understand that circumstances have changed. Maybe invite them round for NYE instead, you don't need to lay on a spread or go nuts and everyone should bring wine or whatever too. Maybe suggest that everyone bring a different dish or buy Asda pizzas (the Create Your Own ones are ace and so cheap, you can get two ten inch pizzas with four toppings for just £4! I'm not just saying they're good from a DFW sense but they are amazing and at least £11 cheaper per pizza than a Pizza Hut equivalent).

oldtractor

it might help you if I tell you what we do. a few years ago now we had a good talk to relatives and friends about xmas. As we a re low waged we told them we couldnt afford xmas anymore. We dont send cards or presents to ANY adults other than our sons,we have 1 grandson and he receives a present. We have a £25 max for each present. This xmas I have bought my DH a thumb stick [walking stick] it cost £24 and DS's have gone thirds with me. thats £8 each. my grandson has had a wooden train set £20 DS1 [childs father] gave me £10 so this present is off him and us. [he is separated from his partner]. my sons a pullover each at £23 each. I have told them I do not want "stuff" but will be getting an IOU 20 washings ups or similar type thing. Total cost of presents to me and DH = 8+10+46= £64. Food is food, we have to eat anyway. I buy frozen stuff early ,make mince pies and such and have ordered meat from our local butcher for both xmas and new year. holly is free from the hedgerows. Each month I put a few pounds in a tin which is for xmas and birthdays. I stick to what ever is in the tin no matter how little. this equals no debt and no false expectations. we will enjoy xmas and have a good time. It is do-able on a small budget. I will be avoiding the shops this Dec and going for country walks instead,have been a nice walk today. all my presents are bought and wrapped an under the bed.We dont go to works do's or go out NYE,we just enjoy our time together,cooking,talking,walking.
ETA the present I remember as a child was a paint by numbers picture of a horse. I remember painting it watching Leslie Crowther at the kids hospital on the tv.

oldtractor

http://blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2009/11/10/is-it-time-to-ban-christmas-presents/
This is good reading.