How does one draw the line....?

Boris_Allen

How does one draw the line between not being overly harsh/judgmental on those who come here for advice, massively in debt due to their own out of control spending/stupidity, and at the same time ensuring that the message is rammed home to those who would find themselves in such a situation in a few years time unless they make budget sacrifices now?

Prevention is obviously better than the cure, and how can we dissuade people to be reckless if we're always so soft on those who eventually need curing.

Obviously personal finance management is not taught enough in schools (well it's not taught at all really is it) as there seems to be a never ending supply of people in this forum who come here surprised at the amount of debt they are faced with due to having lived outside their means...

freshair_2

One draws the line at being judgemental full stop. Nobody is here to be judged. Everyone who is in debt is not necessarily stupid, there are some very clever people who are in debt, it is possible that debt arises for reasons beyong their control.

The first step is admiting that there is a problem, and by posting on this forum that has been done. We are here as a community to offer support and advice where applicable.

Debt_free_by_2012

I guess you just have to be careful about how you phrase things. We are all in similar situations and so I guess that can temper how we say things. But if you offer advice on curbing reckless spending and all you get is excuses, then it can get frustrating.
Ultimately more education is needed.

soxxxxy

Have to say i agree with Freshair.This is supposed to be a helpful site and for some people it takes great courage to write about their circumstances and i would hate to think that judgemental posts may prevent someone from asking for help when they desperately need it .

Memory_Girl

Another one who thinks you "catch more with honey than with vinegar"

Ranting at people who are not ready to hear you achieves nothing. Supporting those who are ready to do their own work produces amazing results.

The ethos of this forum ( and particularly this DFW part) is "Be nice to all Moneysavers". That's why those of us who have been in debt and used this resource to great advantage now "pay it forward" by supporting others.

MG

immoral_angeluk

DFW is for help and advice.
If you want to debate the ethics/problems/reasons for people's debt, that's what discussion time is for.

Tixy

Its not about judging people but giving them support and suggestions.

Sometimes people don't seem to realise the position they are in, or about to get themselves in and in those cases it can be frustrating for people posting who are trying to make the person see that it will be in their own interests to make some changes. In those instances we sometimes see posts that may seem harsh, especially to a newbie. I think we just need to be extra careful with the way things are phrased so the person realises the comments are said with the right sentiment and not being judgemental but trying to be realistic and helpful.

As others have said DFW (along with the bankrupty board) do need extra care taken in the way things are written, we really don't want to scare off people who are having serious debt issues. Generally you'll find on other boards some posters take a slightly more direct approach. And one or 2 are so full of vitriol that I wouldn't post on them.

If in doubt then err on the side of fluffy answers!

Memory_Girl

Tixy wrote: »

If in doubt then err on the side of fluffy answers!

Tixy that is brilliant - I'm going to get a t-shirt printed right now :rotfl::rotfl:

MG

sueh6

From your OP it would seem that you've never been in the position where you've needed help or advice because you've managed your personal finances well. That's admirable but all too often thesedays people end up in trouble through no fault of their own because of circumstance.

Never judge a man 'til you've walked a mile in his shoes...... always worth remembering in my view.

a_pedant

I would look at utility - what good are you doing. As far as an op is concerned, the primary purpose of each thread being to help them, criticising their past mistakes is little help. They wouldn't be posting on here if they thought it was all hunky-dory, and at a stressful time criticism will not be helpful. At the same time there is the secondary purpose of helping other members/lurkers, by gently pointing out mistakes.

Criticism needs to be constructive and, imo, toned down though. It is not uncommon in my (largely lurking) experience to see an op never return to their own thread because the first couple of replies are not advice or help but harsh criticism of things already done which cannot be undone.

FireWyrm

Advise on the problem, not the cause. The truth is that allot of times, the poster is in the hole because they put themselves there, but judging doesn't help. I tend to ignore posts from people who patently caused the issue in the first place and are now seeking to avoid or dodge the issue, but i will go out of my way to advise someone who is in the hole through no fault of their own.

I've been where some of these people are, I've been desperate and alone so I think I have an understanding of the problem. Sometimes, people just want someone to point them in the right direction, they already know the answer, they just need a kick up the proverbial to actually do something.