nip in the bud

Lutonian

Dear All,

Hi :beer: Matt here, hope you are all well (new member alert!!!).

I'm getting pretty worried / scared. I don't want to appear needy or self-centred, so I hope I don't come across like that! But I am not starting out adult life how I want to (I'm 18).

I spend to cope. I have several severe psychiatric problems (one is schizophrenia, one is borderline personality) and I just can't stop distancing myself from life/reality through material objects (even virtual software/music!!!). It's 05.14am and haven't slept since Friday (self-destructive behaviour, so say the oh-so-powerful docs) which adds to it all because I pop to the 24hr petrol station and spend well over the odds for bits I don't need.

My income is £1209 per month in total, that's my wage and middle-rate DLA together. I'm currently £95 overdrawn (unauthorised) because even knowing a DD will come out I spend the cash and go overdrawn, knowing I won't be paid till end of month and the charges bulk up.

Credit score must be god-awful as I just got turned down for a current account with abbey

My only credit is with HFC for a computer from PCworld. I don't want to touch credit cards, no sorry lie, i do i just too scared to apply and be told no. (silly abandonment issues, even with scummy financial organisations!!). I also know I will just spend, spend, spend and avoid the inevitable truth of reality.

Not sure if anyone has any tips for how I should control myself here? I know it's a mental health issue etc.. but seeing as NHS are giving nada in terms of therapy or support (medication.. oooo alternate agenda there!! ££££) I am taking it upon myself to fight the war myself.

Hope this isn't out of order by posting here, just seeing if anyone has any tidbit tips to help me along the way...

ta very much in advance, hugs to the ladies handshakes to the blokes!

Matt

GettingThingsDone

Good morning Matt and welcome!

It's certainly not out of order posting on here - there are lots of people with brilliant advice. All I can say is listen to what they have to say; it has certainly changed my life and I say that as someone who's twice your age!

Although it can seem a faff, it really is worthwhile doing an SOA (see ss's sticky at the top).

See you around!

Bambywamby

Hiya Matt

Like most things in life we do to the excess... excessive spending/eating/drinking/drug taking etc... it tends to be a symptom of how out of control we feel in our lives in general.

About 18 months ago I was depressed, in debt (spending brought temporary relief) over weight (binge eating brought temporary relief) and caught in a cycle of continual morbid/negative thoughts.
I was in a terrible emotional state after losing two beloved family members and my life seemed to be out of control and having little purpose.

I didn't go to the doctors as I couldnt see the under lying issue of being depressed... I saw myself as a fat, undisciplined person who couldnt stop spending money I didn't have and I was destined to always worry and fret about everything to the point of making myself mentally ill.

One day I had a "life" lightbulb moment...not just a financial one.
I desperately needed to take control and start living the life I dreamed of, if not I would grow old and be so bitter and full of regrets.
I wasn't living a life, I was waiting to die. (Death would be sooner rather than later...I was sure of that.)
I needed to take action... Without feeling over whelmed as this would lead to more hopelessness.

I bought a little notebook and wrote a list of all the things in my life I wanted to change and all the things in life I wanted.
I didn't list the things I didn't want as I had those already. I wanted to focus on what I did want.
Every day I did at least one VERY SMALL thing towards each goal and wrote them down as I planned to do them. I MADE SURE I DID THEM, no matter how tired, fed up and peeved off I was feeling.

My main four goals and wants were

Stop feeling so depressed and thinking horrific thoughts, Lose weight and get fit, Sort debts out and start saving up for a mortgage deposit and actually purchase a house and get on the property ladder.

The kind of things I did was -

Stop feeling so depressed and thinking horrific thoughts - looking up natural ways on the internet to counteract depression, I bought some Anthony Robbins CDs off Ebay...he is a fantastic motivational speaker who makes you feel very positive and full of self belief, I started walking to work everyday so I had an hour of fresh air a day this picked me up no end and I started taking St Johns Wort...a natural anti depressant...etc


Lose weight and get fit - I read up about weight loss on free internet sites, I ate four meals a day and only snacked on fruit and veg, I drank alot more water to help my liver metabolise fat more effectively, I had already started to walk to lift my depression and this started to move my weight also, I kept a diet diary that monitored what I ate and kept a record of my weight loss as motivation etc

Sort debts out and start saving up for a mortgage deposit - I found this site and began to read through it for motivation & insperation :T I cooked at home rather than having takeaways every week...this helped my weight loss and my pocket, I started paying debts off as fast as I could so I would pay less interest, I started to sell things on ebay/amazon, I put down for a couple of hours overtime at work every week, I started writing stories for magazines...then after my debts were paid off (£14'000 in a year) I started to save up for a mortagage deposit.

And now...
Last week I have just put an offer on a house that I have dreamed of for a long time. I managed to save up a 5% deposit. Ye ha!
I feel very positive and the depression started to lift as I started to acheive and have a purpose to my life.
I have lost three stone and look rather swell if I say so myself


I now have a new little notebook with more things I want to acheive on each page. (I will get that Jag she says)
Every little step forward eventually leads you to the path where you want to be.
Be focused, have a purpose, live your dreams and do it for yourself, because you deserve it.

I have found if you start to gain control of one thing, it becomes easier to dictate the flow of your whole life in all directions.
Start controlling and working with your finances and the rest of your life tends to follow suit.

Good luck. X X

P.s sorry for rambling on...you know what us gassing girls are like.

Plum_Pie

Lutonian, I don't have any good advice but want to congratulate for seeking it so young!

Bamby. Your post has just inspired me hugely. I was feeeling really down yesterday about my job and other things but now.... I feel myself reaching for a little notebook!

Hugs to both of you.

misspoppy

Hi Matt

Welcome to the group.

The first thing I'd say is don't change your medication without consulting your Doctors, you can discuss alternatives with them but don't stop taking things you don't know what the side effects could be. This goes for any type of medication.

Other than that well done on identifying your problem areas, bambywamby has posted a great example of how to take control prehaps you can work on some of her ideas, there will be lots of people with great budgeting tips that you can work on.

take care and try and get some sleep, if not you should contact your GP.

Crown

Hi Matt, Welcome to the boards.

Just wanted to say that I respect the way you know that you may get into trouble if you get a credit card. I think most of us have been down that route and I can tell you that it isnt a pleasent experience if/when you finally realise the mess your in.

I dont mean this to sound rude but for someone who states he has health problems you certainly seem to have more common sense than most of us at 18. :d

Best regards and good luck to you mate.

pinkpixie_2

Hi Just wanted to welcome you and wish you luck! You sound like you have the purpose and motivation to get you there. Also to Bambywamby, what an inspirational story and congratulations on all those achievements!! Pink Pixie

bandraoi

Not sure if anyone has any tips for how I should control myself here? I know it's a mental health issue etc.. but seeing as NHS are giving nada in terms of therapy or support (medication.. oooo alternate agenda there!! ££££) I am taking it upon myself to fight the war myself.

Go back to the GP/psychiatrist and keep going back til you get the therapy and support you need, that said however, you said you've been diagnosed as schizophrenic and that means that you will need to take medication no matter how much alternate support they offer you.

Your problems are not the classic compulsive behaviour of over spending, they are rooted in severe medical psychiatric problems. Those are the problems you need to address to ensure your adult life is how you wish it to be and not a cycle of 6 months in, 18 months out of secure psychiatric care.

The advice offered on this board, while fantastically helpful to most, is not the sort of advice you need. What works for most people in terms of strategies - spending diaries, do you really need it pauses, motivational sayings on the fridge - will not and will never work for you unless you get your underlying medical condition tackled properly.

Find the medication regime that works for you, study yourself and your own reactions and learn how to manage it for times when your condition becomes stronger and weaker. (that would be where the therapy comes in, but you can do it by yourself too) I suspect if you do that you will find your debt related problems will fade.

Mostly I'd say, seek medical advice, not debt advice.