Wanting baby but cant afford one :-(

January20

It always concerns me when people say either that you adapt or that babies don't cost much, but one day that baby becomes a child who goes to school with uniforms and various unavoidable trips and other activities to pay for, then baby turns into a teenagers and things (can) become very expensive, with all the problems and feelings (guilt) that follow.

I won't tell you what to do -not my place!- but you need to think it through very carefully, think about the long term future and not just be convinced by people who say that you adapt because they won't live your life.

ETA: just to be honest: I will never regret having had a child, but I have strong feelings of guilt and regret that I wasn't in a better financial situation to raise her. She has had to do without so much that her friends have experienced. She is a great girl and has never complained but all these years of always watching the pennies.....

pudding06

Hun I really feel for you, but I will give you a piece of advice. If you wait until you think you can afford to have a child you will never have any!! Children are expensive, but its amazing what you can learn to live on if you want them so much. I had 4 and only worked at night after they went to bed, exhausting, but kept the wolves from the door. Having children is one of the most rewarding of experiences, so go ahead and have them when it suits you, dont put them off too long, as your fertility does drop with age. Just make sure you have the basics for them, and its amazing how much you get given for newborns. We are onto grandchildren now, and its just fantastic to have littlies again. Good luck!!

Gordon_Hose

Nearly 5 months ago my girlfriend gave birth to our beautiful baby boy. 12 months previous we were having exactly the same concerns as you. Can we afford it? How will we cope losing the vast majority of 1 wage? etc

We cope absolutely fine now. You SOA needs to take into account your partners wage and if you get any maternity pay, whether a better package or just SMP, if not, you'll qualify for the Maternity Allowance at £128.73 per week provided you've been with your employer for more than 26 weeks.

Cherryjack

I would not wait for being in a perfect situation.. that just does not happen.. If your health is good and you want children dont leave it too late as you will regret it. Children arnt expensive.. they only are if you buy them everything. My son has so many presents off family members and hardly touches them hes happy with his little drawer and colouring books. Obviously presents will be more expensive in the future but i wouldnt go over the top.

Good Luck :-)

Monkeynut

Another thing to remember is that babies, and children needn't cost as much as it's always made out that they do.
Obviously as they get older, they get more expensive, but when they are small, almost everything can be bought second hand (obviously with exceptions such as cot mattress, car seat etc for health and hygiene reasons - although car seats, particularly the first stage that they are only in until 9-10 months or so, if you're getting form someone you know and you know it's not been in any accidents etc, then should be fine). You can get some absolutely fantastic condition things for relatively little money.

Obviously as well there are things you can compromise on, such as your entertainment / holiday budget. If you would rather have a child (try to never say you want a 'baby' as they only last a year or so!) then you will be willing to cut back on your own expenses.

I think it would be helpful if you could do a SOA based on the household as it stands at the moment, ie Both adults, so both incomes, as others have said it is confusing as to what the income and outgoings are, as some of the outgoings seem to high to be 'your half', but you've only put your half of the income so it doesn't look consistent!

paulmapp8306

Words from experience.

NOBODY can afford kids - if they look at the finances, BUT EVERYONE manages when they have them.

We went on a DMP in 2000, and we went through the same thing re-kids. We are still on the DMP, yet had out daughter in 2003, and son in 2005.

If your with CCCS or similar you can reduce your payments to reflect your new outgoings. All baby stuff, extra food (when you get that far), bigger clothing budget etc.

You will also have more income from Child Benefit, and Child Tax Credits/Working Tax Credits.

You cannot let debt get in the way of life. if you want a baby, and your relationship is ready for it then go for it. You WILL manage.

flippin36

Hello OP its hard for anyone to advise you regarding starting a family when in financially difficulties because it depends on you and how far you are willing the change your lifestyle and spending habits.

When we started our family I gave up work and OH wasn't earning anywhere near as much as he does now so money was tight. We pretty much got everything we needed from friends and relatives, we were perfectly happy with second hand and still are (I sometimes find a bundle of clothes on my doorstep from a neighbour for my 10 year old!) However, my brother and sister in law would have been horrified at anything second hand. The pram had to be the latest model and fashion accessory, they only wanted clothes from boden etc etc. Which is fine if you can afford it, but they were on a low wage and everything was bought on credit card, ontop of the debt they had already accumulated from a lavish wedding and exotic holidays. They borrowed money from relatives when they couldn't make the payments, but couldn't ever pay them back (you can imagine the knock on hostilities). To cut a long story short they divorced seven years later purely down to arguing about money. SIL is now brankrupt, BIL on a payment plan, LO having a really awful time of it all .

I guess what I'm saying is, are you happy to make do and mend? Because for many of us that don't have a large disposable income and kids, thats what we do everyday. But we have adjusted like others have said and its great having a family - but sometimes frustrating when you have to say 'no' much of the time and constantly watching the pennies. There are loads of us that do it though so please don't let me put you off or tell you what to do - just give it some thought.

natlie

Hi I am in similar situation to you, our debt is similar but my income is higher - my partner does not work. I am on maternity leave now - I have had all my children at my most difficult times DD1 was born in the summer hols between the 1st and 2nd yrs of my degree but I finished it, having her made it more important. I had DD2 just after I started a new job, I had to go on maternity allowance as I was not entitled to maternity pay it was £108 a month. DS was a suprise and OH is out of work and I am supporting all of us on £900 a month mat pay! As everyone else said its never the right time, but you dont want to look back on this with regret. I use cloth nappies and wipes, breastfeed, we manage with as few clothes for him as possible maybe 5 sleepsuits in rotation, a coat, cardigan, hats and vests. School uniforms can be bought cheaply from supermarkets - secondary school uniforms are expensive though! you can get pram/cot/accessories from nct sales and freecycle/ebay etc

Remember you will be off work for 6 months at least - thats saved me loads, no petrol really, no lunch costs, you wont be going out in the evenings really. I think you can time it well if its a planned baby too. Good luck with everything
Nat

suziebeau

Hi there

You haven't clarified whether or not you and your partner budget separately or not etc. but the 1 person SOA and the fact that you are arguing about money actually rings more alarm bells for me than your financial situation!

Having kids is yes expensive and yes wonderful but in many cases it also puts a huge strain on your personal relationship while you adapt to the new status quo in your family and finances etc. If you are already arguing about whose "fault" the debt is, and about money I'd say you need to deal with this as urgently as the debt, it will only get worse once you are seriously sleep deprived. You need to be a strong team.

Good luck.

Sx

Gordon_Hose

When you have kids together, his money becomes your money too.