How Do You Cope With Thinking You'll Never Work Again?

gardenia101

Hi All

Just heard that I didn't get a job I was really hoping to get & feeling rubbish about it .

I'd applied under the "2 ticks" scheme after advice from my former rehab officer as she thought I'd stand a good chance. It was with a large charity that deals with the disabled finding employment (& other things). They were obliged to give me an interview, which I thought went well, but I was also up against 6 others...

I've been partially sighted for 18 months & have adjusted as well as I can to the practicalities of getting about & daily life etc., but I'm really struggling with the "not working" bit after having worked for over 20 years.

I was also struggling to get childcare & had posted on the employment board & got good advice. Madly it looks as if I would have had to turn this job down even if they had offered it to me as there just isn't the childcare available locally :mad:

How can I get myself to realise that work probably isn't going to happen for me?

moose1982

I'm similar I guess, I found out what my illness is in Feb 2010 and it isn't something which has a cure, since then I've tried a few treatment programmes which would entail a week each month out of work, so working isn't going to either be easy or probably possible. I do voluntary work though, same place now for 5 years and the staff are brilliant, they know that if I can't come in, then I can't come in, but when I can they try their best to make me feel like I was only off for one day. It means I can step up or down my availability to them as and when I'm about, maybe that could work for you if you have childcare needs? Think of it as a start on the road to relaxing and coping with the day to day hardships you will have, but you are still useful to someone. It also means that when things get better (always believe this, because it really is true!), you'll only have been out of work due to illness but you've battled through it to do some good with the volunteering.

[Deleted User]

i`ve been too disabled to work since 1998(severe epilepsy)and at first it was very hard as i`d been working for 25 years and had a successful career that i really enjoyed,it took me a long time to accept that i would probably be unable to work again,but eventually i got my head round it,now i just try and set myself a task for each day and make sure however small i complete it if at all possible,i also came to the conclusion eventually that my health and taking care of it mattered more than my former career

MrsManda

Please try not to lose hope. The job market at the moment is a nightmare and the fact you didn't get one job doesn't mean you'll never get one, it may just be that it take awhile to find a suitable job for you.

Volunteering is a good idea as it'll give you some confidence and prove to future employers that you are capable for working as well as giving you a recent reference and allowing you to feel useful.

I'm not currently working as I've been quite ill for the last two years. I'm now much improved but finding it difficult to find a job as there's a shortage of jobs compared to number of people applying. I have just started volunteering at my local BHF store which at least gets me out of the house and stops me moping.

Try volunteering if you can, I'm sure it'll help you to cope with your current situation and will stop you losing hope. Being partially sighted does not necessarily mean you'll never work again. I used to work as a receptionist and the person who ran the education programme was fully blind and she was brilliant at her job.

Good luck, keep smiling

Mupette

seriously don't have the attitude of never working again, perhpaps you will, its just bad timing at the moment for you.

i gave myself 2 years to learn to live with my illness (MS) and now my time is up by my rule, although i won't be able to to much at the start, i'm determined that even if its just 5 hours a week i have to give it a go, more for social interaction, get myself out and about.

my dad told me that although i have a degenerative disease not to let it beat me, because as soon as i feel like that... its down hill all the way. So despite the digs on here about being on benefits i do try to stay positive.

Good luck, things will work out ok for you in the end.

gardenia101

Thanks for the replies - think I was feeling very sorry for myself & thinking if I can't even get a job with a charity that helps us disabled then there isn't much hope! Poured a nice glass of red & felt much better. :beer:

MrsManda wrote: »

Volunteering is a good idea as it'll give you some confidence and prove to future employers that you are capable for working as well as giving you a recent reference and allowing you to feel useful.

I've thought about volunteering, but the charity shops I asked in didn't need anyone & they we're turning would-be volunteers away. I'm also claiming ESA (contributory) & I believe it's OK to volunteer while claiming this. But my cynical head wonders if it may be counted against me for the medical assessment - if they can see I can volunteer regularly then surely I can work regularly?

While I believe I am capable of working, that is sadly very different from actually getting a job. After my experiences with the benefits system I could believe that my ESA would be stopped if I volunteer!

Mupette wrote: »

my dad told me that although i have a degenerative disease not to let it beat me, because as soon as i feel like that... its down hill all the way. So despite the digs on here about being on benefits i do try to stay positive.

You are right - I do need to try & stay positive or I will be beaten. After all, there are plenty of years to retirement...:rotfl:

WhiteHorse

Money issues aside, there's a whole universe out there. If you can't work any more, take the opportunity to explore it.

sheeps68

It will happen at some point to me for now I work on denial and trying to be organised to reduce the effort so I can keep working as long as possible. Also trying to pay off a bit extra on mortgage to reduce that worry.

Mainly work on denial and staying positive. You can still contribute to society regardless of your circumstances.

bluedog

Famous last words but I'll try to keep as brief as possible ...

I'd worked in very phsyical jobs, doing crazy long hours, was highly active blah, blah, until I had a hysterectomy almost 9 years ago. I came out of that with a herniated disc and the rest is history and I joked that I'd effectively fallen off a cliff, such was the change to my life and plans for it. Over the next few years, I ended up with diagnoses of ME/CFS, pallindromic rheumatism, generalised osteoarthritis, progressive digestive problems amongst others and everything esle that threw its head up healthwise was put down "to your condition". I was repeatedly told I wouldn't work and have even had a consultant belly laugh at me when I said my goal was to get back to work - he thought I was joking.

To cut a long story short, I was put on NSAID's (Diclofenac to be precise) for my back problem and I had a rare reaction to it and over the years, it severely damaged my intestinal tract so it couldn't absorb nutrients and strictures formed. (I was constantly going to doctors and questioning this drug and said I felt this wasn't right for me ...) I had a re-section earlier this year and things have definitely improved apart from the joint pains etc which are now being investigated - they'd been put down to being part of my condition.

I still maintain I will get back to working and never stop looking for something I can do. At the beginning, I fought it all the way and was a nightmare to be around as I let the frustration of my physical limitations get to me, not to mention the anger at my body for "letting me down". I was scared that if I accepted it, I was putting myself on the scrap heap and the thought of being like it for the remainder of my life was ... well, simply couldn't comprehend it.

I'm not sure at which point or what it was that I finally realised it didn't have to be like that and figured that it was ok to do things slower, differently to the average person and set about focusing on what I can do and "how can I do it" instead.

I've always had a good sense of humour and this definitely has helped, even when I was at my worst. Some of it was embarrassment as there are people with far worse problems than I had/have yet seem to be able to do more or better that I was - and currently am. Again, its been a switch of thinking from that to "well, if they can do it, then so can I".

I've done some short courses in the last couple of years and am currently investigating doing another open university course in new directions which I hope will expand my employment chances once the physical issues are sorted.

Never lose hope, your belief and your sense of humour. I'll be careful how I say this because advice and instructions of medics should always be listened to, but I refuse to accept I will never work again.

In my opinion, I think the medical profession would rather be proved wrong in situations of this nature. How often do you hear stories of things along these lines? Only last night, my sister was telling me how she'd been told she'd not be able to have children but she's mum to my gorgeous nephew.

In a nutshell, Keep Positive!

bored_at_home

it is a big change to get used to. i worked full time from 16 til 40 and the first 6months after quitting was realy realy strange. it felt wrong being at home.
i think i got used to it in time, its been 3 years next month since i stopped wrkingh, and in the last couple of years iiv built a new life for myself around not being at work. now i am happy again with my new life.

there are voluntary organisations crying out for help, i do some voluntary work when im up to it and see that as putting something back in return for the disability benefits i recieve. there isnt the same pressure to stick to set days or hours when everything is voluntary and works well around a variable illness such as i have.

YORKSHIRELASS

I can really sympathise with your post - I dont have health issues myself but I am a carer so I cant even do voluntary work at the moment. I worked for the same company for 12 years and worked my way up to be a senior manager. I was so proud of being able to juggle my family life and my job, sometimes working 50 hours a week but still being there to meet my kids off the school bus every night.

I hate relying on benefits and I hate not using my brain. Being at home 24/7 is lonely and isolating. I am also scared that even if I am able to work again no-one will want me. And people say us "scroungers" have an easy life, yeah right.

I now have so much respect for anyone who is battling ill health, no matter what the circumstances are and I really do wish you the best. Use what money you have to make the best life you possibly can for yourself and take each day as it comes.