Do you feel guilty for having money?

patwa_2

Hi. This is another one of those discussion threads, I hope I've put it in the right place.

I'm not usually the kind of person who brags about stuff, yes when I've done or have something worth shouting about, like anyone else, I'd like the rest of the world to know about it, but I'm not one to shove it in people's faces.

Sometimes I've had taxi drivers be quite snappy towards me, simply because I paid with a credit card in advance for the journey, meaning that if the meter reads more than the price I paid (which is often the case with me, anything up to 2.5 times the amount) they won't be paid any more. One part of me wants to say "Well, you could have refused the hire, it's not my fault your company offers that option" and the other part wants to sympathise and give them a tip, but then I think they might be insulted as though it were charity. I normally just say nothing.

A notetaker of mine at Uni who's worked with me for nearly 3 years is quite badly in debt, often tells of how she's having to battle the landlord and council to stay in her flat, how she's quite literally living one day at a time, even going as far as having absolutely no food in the house. I spent ages trying to decide on a Christmas present, for a while I thought of a gift voucher for Sainsbury's where she usually shops. It's practical, she could use it and it'd help her out a bit. But then I thought, she's not the kind of person who I think would welcome charity, it'd be a sign that I recognised the issues she's having and she might take it as pity or something. I ended up giving her and her friend a box of chocolates each, sending it by post as I wasn't able to be in the last day of the session, and just tried to be modest about it when she thanked me for them when I next saw her.

I walk down the street, 3G phone in hand and one part of me is glad that I could afford it, the other part is honestly scared of being mugged either by general thieves or those much less well off, maybe to pay for food or clothes, or drugs or drink depending on their situation. I take out my laptop in the library, along with its assortment of gadgets and gizmos, and can't help feeling guilty at having so much when others have so few.

What I'm trying to say is that it's truly humbling reading some of the stories and talking to some of the people for whom life is just plain miserable. But I also know most of those people would rather sort themselves out than be 'helped' or seen as living in a different class. I've found myself more and more over the last few months second-guessing myself when buying things, putting off purchases, etc, wondering if it'll be me in that position in 50 or 60 years time. And this guilt, I haven't done anything wrong, I try not to make people too envious, I try not tu rub it in people's faces, but at the same I, just like everyone else, deserve to be happy, deserve to treat myself but I can't help feeling it's wrong of me, that I shouldn't.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Astaroth

I think that it can be hard... thankfully, my days of abject poverty were back when I was only responsible for myself and so I wasnt "inflicting" it on anyone else.

Through a hell of a lot of hard work and admittedly some luck I am now doing very well for myself. Most the time I enjoy having the nice things and whilst not in your face with it at all, or at least I hope I am not, I do like it when someone comes up to me to comment about something I have - at a recent carnival I was sat on a wall with a beer reviewing the shots on my camera and someone asked which paper I was from... nothing really but I liked the fact that he had mistaken me for a professional photographer due to the kit that I have.

I have to admit that when I go back to my university town and see the few friends who are still there then I find it much more difficult as most of them there are still heavily struggling with student debts and minimum salary when they worked a hell of a lot harder than I ever did at university. On one hand I want to help them out but I fear coming across either as charity or rubbing their faces in it. Worst still was a recent visit for one's 30th b'day where my exflatmate (who I fell out with just before leaving) wasnt able to come because he couldnt afford the £6 bus fare and the £10-15 required for a night out. So to not try to come across as showing off I had to lend a mutual friend the money so that he could lend my ex-flatmate it.

I dont find it guilt but dont like show offs and so wouldnt want to appear as one but to enjoy the fruits of my hard work at the same time

Sillychuckie

Whilst the friends in your story wouldn't feel comfortable accepting charity, there are countless charities out there that would love to have your money.

If your guilt becomes too much of a burden, there are plenty of ways you can help. Alternatively, just invite these friends over and cook them a meal or something. Charity can be given in far more ways than just cash/sainsbury vouchers.
If you go down the official chairty route, there are also some potential tax advantages, depending on how you donate.

Idiophreak

patwa wrote:

Do you feel guilty for having money?

Don't know, give me some and I'll get back to you

Seriously though, I don't really feel bad for having anything I have bought - I'm no smarter than the average person, but have worked pretty hard to get where I am. I might've gotten the odd lucky break, but I've worked to make sure I'm able to capitalise on any breaks I get.

Clearly, at the moment, all I have for working hard is debt, but once that's taken care of, the above is pretty much how I'll feel

Sibelius

When I was younger I asked my Father about distribution of wealth. He replied that if you took all the wealth of the world and shared it equally, person A would invest and mke more wealth and person B would go down the pub and blow it all. People make choices. In the past when I have been broke people helped me out. Now I have enough money to help others. Don't feel guilty about having money. Enjoy what you have and give where you feel it is appropriate. My 'guilt' led me to being ripped off tens of thousands of pounds by someone who took advantage of 'you have, now help others'.

D4WNO

I dont earn a fortune at all but I've always been paid more than my friends. They aways ask me how much I'm paid and I don't like to say as it might make them a feel a bit rubbish. It shouldn't at all as I'm just as scummy as them lol but I feel that if I say then I will be bragging so I always steer away from the subject.

I feel guilty but I've worked really hard to get my job and don't like splashing the money around although I'm always there if a friend needs to borrow some money for a while.

Phoenix79_2

I earn a average wage, work blummin hard for it (in a stressful and demanding job) and i like to treat myself. After all....isn't that what life is about? I have a nice phone, ipod, satnav, couple of laptops, a new mercedes-benz etc. Do i feel guilty? Absolutely not! There are people out there who do work and struggle due to circumstances and for those i do feel for. But there are plenty of people out there who don't do a tap and expect the world handed on a plate to them. Enjoy your money. I give a bit to charity and do fundraising so i like to think i do 'my bit'

mountainofdebt

Haven't got much so I can't really answer your question but looking at it from the opposite side of the fence (ie do I envy people who have loads of money) I would say not really BUT the way I perceive those people depends on how they treat me.

We know two couples - both of which earn far far more than we do. One couple I could spend days with .....they never make us feel like the poor relations and even when its been obvious that we haven't taken part in an activity due to lack of cash, they've never said anything.

The second couple, who earn just as much as first couple, are the total opposite......always bragging about what they are doing, going to buy, next holiday they're going on and you always get the feeling that they are asking us questions simply to demonstrate how much better off they are than us.

As you probably have guessed, we tend not to spend alot of time with couple 2.

patwa_2

Thanks, I feel a little better now. I have never given to charity, it's just a principle of mine and I'd rather not get into it, but I do agree that 'charity' is more than just bankrolling someone.

I was very interested in your opinions, including the poster who mentioned not feeling envious at other people, I respect you friend. I know a few people who, sadly, have succomed to that very feeling - I just hope they can find their way into a position where that can disappear and they can live for themselves.




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[Deleted User]

I don't have lots of money and at the moment I'm actively on a mission to finish my mortgage this year so I just keep enough back to see me through the month and that it's - the rest goes in the mortgage.

I don't earn huge amounts - but I work hard for what I do earn and I put in a lot of extra hours.

Paying off my mortgage will be such a big achievement for me - as it is for most people. I say most people - because I've never had any help towards it, no money left to me - nothing. I did it all by myself just through working and budgeting.

But when it's finally gone - only 2 people who know me will know about it. My mum and obviously my OH.

The reason for this is that certain family members already think I have lots of money. I have no idea why - I don't live an extravagant lifestlye, drink,smoke or take holidays away anywhere etc... In fact the only new clothes I bought in ages were a £5 pair of jeans on sale!


So even though I WILL have lots of spending money later this year (compared to now it seems like lots) - I don't feel able to tell these people about my achievement - they'll only be jealous.

So in answer to the OP question - yes i will feel guilty I suppose. But not for long.

I think I will have deserved the right to enjoy the money for a while - before I get down to some saving again.

Xbigman

I do sometimes feel guilty but I've come to realise that most of my family and friends have financial problems that are self inflicted. Only one person I know is in financial difficulties not of their own making and she is not in debt, she just doesn't have anything. The person with the highest household income I know, my brother, keeps telling me I'm loaded and he wishes he were me. This is usually followed by phase two where he explains he couldn't live like me. Then phase three, where he takes the !!!! out of the fact I take a shopping list to do the shopping, have a small car, don't go out every night...

The more I write, the less guilty I feel. Funny that.
Regards



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